The Parent Book.
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Family life and behaviour

Parenting strategy

Written as you go.

This section is for any parent thinking about how the family is run: boundaries, routines, how you talk to each other at home, and the decisions you make about phones, friends, money and faith. It describes the habits our practice has seen make a difference to families over the years.

What to do first, what helps and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.

What the library holds on parenting strategy

For a child aged

From the therapists

What to do first

There’s no manual, and the parents who look certain usually aren’t. Doing one thing consistently works better than doing five things well for a fortnight.

  1. Pick the hour of the day that goes worst, and change one thing in it, leaving the rest of the day alone.
  2. Say what will happen instead of asking whether it can. You can be warm and clear at the same time.
  3. When you get it wrong, put it right out loud. It’s the most effective thing you can do, and it takes three sentences.

If you are worried about a child’s safety

Safeguarding: what to do and who to tellUrgent help

From the chapters

What helps

  1. Let home be where your child can stop working

    The school, the class teacher and the in-school enrichment that the year is built around will cover the academic preparation. Your job is to make home feel different from that, so your child has somewhere to recover.

  2. Praise effort and behaviour

    “You kept going when that question was hard.” “You were kind to your sister tonight.” Say exactly what you saw, without judging how good it was. Praise that depends on outcomes adds pressure.

  3. Stay calm first, talk later

    Sit close and slow your own breathing. Being next to a calm adult helps a child’s body settle, and that does more than anything clever you could say. Save the words for when the worst has passed.

  4. Name the feeling out loud

    Try “That sounds really hard” or “You look really worried.” Naming the feeling makes it seem less strange, and it shifts brain activity from the alarm centre towards the language centre.

Chapters

9 on parenting strategy

The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.

Quick tips

67 on parenting strategy

Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.

Neurodiversity

Before You Choose a Private Clinic

Ask five questions before you pay, and be wary of any clinic that can’t answer them.

Try this

  • Ask: who is doing it, what is their registration, and is it multidisciplinary.

Friendships & social life

Alcohol and the First Parties

Talk about drink before the first party, so your teenager knows your rules and that they can always ring you.

Try this

  • Talk about drink before the first party, and ask what your teenager has seen.
  • If your teenager is very drunk, stay with them; if you think it’s alcohol poisoning, call for emergency help. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

From the tip

If your teenager seems to be drinking to cope, drinks alone, or you are worried about how much they drink, talk to your GP.

Spiking can look like being very drunk. If you suspect it, get medical help early and report it to the police. The person who was spiked is never to blame. If your teenager tells you someone did something sexual to them while your teenager was drunk, or an older person is giving them alcohol, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day. If that person lives in your home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.

Alcohol poisoning can look like confusion, being sick, slow or irregular breathing, pale or blue-tinged skin, a fit, or passing out and being hard to wake. If your teenager is very drunk, stay with them and don’t leave them to sleep it off alone: they could be sick while drowsy and choke. If you think they have alcohol poisoning, call for emergency help. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

Family dynamics

Praise That Tells Your Child Something

Describe what your child did and how they did it, which tells them far more than a verdict on how clever they are.

Try this

  • Describe what your child did: “You kept going when it got hard, and you checked your answer.”

More quick tips on parenting strategy

  • Neurodiversity

    The Child Who Reads the World Differently

    Your child experiences the world differently from you, and it helps to find out how.

    2 min read

  • Bodies & growing up

    The Early Riser

    Some early waking can be changed and some can’t, and a two-week sleep diary will show you which you have.

    2 min read · Under 7

  • Bodies & growing up

    The Toddler Who Keeps Getting Out of Bed

    Go back to your toddler before they get up, and when they do get up, take them back to bed without a conversation.

    2 min read · Under 5

  • Bodies & growing up

    Toilet Training as a Family Project

    Toilet training works when your child’s body and brain are ready, whatever the timetable says.

    2 min read · Under 7

  • Health and difference

    When Medication Becomes Family Routine

    Build the medication into something the family already does, and give your child ownership of the routine in stages.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Family dynamics

    When the Rules Stop Working at Fifteen

    At fifteen, most of what you know about your teenager’s life is what they choose to tell you, so keep a few rules and let the rest go.

    2 min read · Ages 13 to 18

  • Parent wellbeing

    When We Cannot Afford It

    A calm “We can’t afford that” gives your child a way to talk about money that they’ll keep.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Family dynamics

    When You Become the Everyday Parent

    You agreed to look after them for a weekend, and the weekend has become a year.

    2 min read

  • Parent wellbeing

    Before the Shout

    If your shouting tends to come at the same hour, changing that hour may help more than resolving to be patient.

    2 min read · Under 16

  • Parent wellbeing

    Talking to Your Child About Money

    Money is something you can talk about with your child, though most families don’t.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Family dynamics

    The Conversation About What the Family Can Afford

    Answer truthfully and briefly when your child asks why their friend is going skiing and they aren’t.

    1 min read · Ages 9 to 16

  • Home And Belonging

    Your First GP Visit in the UK

    Register with a GP as soon as you arrive; in the UK, almost all NHS care starts there.

    2 min read

  • Parent wellbeing

    A Plan Made in a Good Week

    Agree a plan with your children in a good week, so nobody has to guess on a bad day.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 16

  • Online life

    Ask What They Watch, Not How Long

    Asking what your child watches online is harder than timing it, and more useful.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Parent wellbeing

    Asking for Help That Feels Like Failing

    A specific request for help gets a yes or a no; a general one gets sympathy.

    2 min read

  • Online life

    Before the First Loot Box

    Have the money conversation, and set the controls, before your child plays a game with a shop in it.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Online life

    Before You Post Your Child’s Picture

    Keep pictures of your child to people you know, and once they’re old enough to have a view, ask them first.

    2 min read · Under 9

  • Family dynamics

    Growing Up Between Two Cultures

    A child growing up between two cultures learns two ways of doing things, and both are theirs.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Big feelings

    Living With Your Child’s Diagnosis at Home

    The diagnosis is part of family life now, but most of life isn’t about it.

    2 min read · Ages 11 to 18

  • School & pressure

    Say What You Have Noticed

    When you ring the school, describe what you’ve seen, with dates, so staff know what to look for.

    2 min read · Ages 9 to 16

  • School & pressure

    Talking About the Apprenticeship Route

    An apprenticeship deserves the same care you’d give to choosing a university.

    2 min read · Ages 13 to 18

  • Online life

    The Apps You Chose

    A four-year-old doesn’t choose their own apps, so choose them with care and review them as your child grows.

    2 min read · Under 9

  • Family dynamics

    The Boundary With the Grandparent

    Set a boundary with your own parent calmly and briefly, before resentment builds up.

    2 min read

  • Family dynamics

    The Extroverted Parent and the Introvert Child

    An extroverted parent often mistakes an introverted child’s temperament for shyness or low confidence.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Online life

    The Game Rated Above Your Child’s Age

    Two games with the same age rating can be very different, so check why it got its number and watch it being played before you decide.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Family dynamics

    The Grandparent Who Disagrees With You

    A grandparent’s advice is given with love, but you still need to set it aside calmly.

    2 min read

  • Family dynamics

    The Grandparent Whose View Does Not Fit

    You can be clear about how your own house runs without proving a grandparent wrong.

    2 min read

  • School & pressure

    The PE Kit Left on the Bus

    Pack the bag together for a few weeks, then hand the job to your child on a date you’ve set.

    2 min read · Ages 9 to 13

  • Neurodiversity

    The Report That Keeps Repeating Itself

    When the same comment turns up in three years of school reports, take it seriously.

    1 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Family transitions

    The Rules That Vary Across Homes

    If the bedtime is different at the other parent’s, your child will be alright.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Bodies & growing up

    The Talk Before It Is Needed

    Aim for eighteen short conversations about puberty over two or three years, starting early.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 11

  • Bodies & growing up

    What Your Child Hears You Say About Bodies

    In their first decade, a child’s body image is built almost entirely from what they hear adults say.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 11

  • Bodies & growing up

    When Mealtimes Are About Control

    A child’s relationship with food is almost always about control.

    2 min read · Under 11

  • Big feelings

    When the Medication Changes

    A change in your child’s dose is information, and in most cases it doesn’t mean anything is going wrong.

    2 min read · Ages 11 to 18

  • School & pressure

    When the Teacher Is the Problem

    Take your child seriously without taking sides, and listen for specific incidents you can act on.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 11

  • Bodies & growing up

    When You Find a Vape

    Most teenagers don’t vape, and most who have tried were given their first one, usually by a friend.

    2 min read · Ages 11 to 18

  • Parent wellbeing

    When You Have Snapped

    After you’ve snapped at your child, go back, apologise and put it right.

    2 min read

  • Big feelings

    When Your Child Needs You to Say It Again

    If your child needs the same answer again and again before they can settle, it may be OCD, so talk to your GP.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 18

  • Home And Belonging

    When Your Child Refuses the Food You Grew Up On

    If your child has started refusing the family’s food, keep cooking it and take the pressure off.

    1 min read · Ages 7 to 16

  • Bodies & growing up

    When Your Child Says Their Tummy Is Too Big

    When a young child says their tummy is too big, ask them where the idea came from.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 9

  • Family transitions

    When Your Teenager Wants to See the GP Without You

    Seeing a doctor on their own is part of growing up; know what stays private, what doesn’t, and how you can still help.

    2 min read · Ages 13 to 18

  • Online life

    A First Tablet at Four

    At four, treat the tablet as yours, lent to your child for short stretches with you nearby.

    2 min read · Under 7

  • Neurodiversity

    Asking for the SENCo Meeting

    Ask for the meeting in a short email, and bring three to five specific examples in writing.

    1 min read · Ages 5 to 11

  • Neurodiversity

    Building the Structure Your Child’s Brain Needs

    Your child’s brain needs structure from outside, and you’re the one who has to provide it.

    2 min read

  • Neurodiversity

    Routines That Work for an ADHD Child

    An ADHD child needs a routine that’s more visual and more forgiving, with the prompts outside their head.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 11

  • Online life

    The Homework the AI Wrote

    If your child has let an AI tool do their homework, go through what it wrote with them.

    1 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Family dynamics

    The Twin Comparison Trap

    Twins are compared from the start, so describe each one in their own terms, without mentioning their twin.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 13

  • Health and difference

    The Weeks That the Treatment Takes

    During a parent’s long treatment, accept practical help, keep one family ritual and lower the bar on everything else.

    1 min read · Ages 5 to 16

  • Family dynamics

    When the Money Runs Thin This Month

    When money gets tight, get help with the numbers and decide what the children will be told.

    1 min read · Ages 5 to 16

  • Family transitions

    When the Step-Parent Acts as Parent

    If it grates when your new partner disciplines your child, sort it out between the adults.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 16

  • Parent wellbeing

    When Your Teenager Will Not Accept Your Sorry

    Your teenager doesn’t have to accept your apology tonight for it to count; say it once, and leave them free to come round.

    2 min read · Ages 11 to 18

  • Neurodiversity

    Homework in Short Blocks

    For a child with ADHD, homework goes better in short timed blocks, one instruction at a time, with you nearby.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Big feelings

    Telling the School About Your Child’s OCD

    Children often hide OCD at school, and a short conversation can help stop staff feeding it without meaning to.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 18

  • Neurodiversity

    The ADHD Medication Conversation

    The decision about medication is yours, made with the prescribing team.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 16

  • Neurodiversity

    The Eldest Child You Are Wondering About

    When a younger child is assessed, parents often start to see the same patterns in the eldest.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Neurodiversity

    The Homework Battle Beyond Effort

    If an hour of maths ends with two questions done, an ADHD child has usually been working very hard.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 13

  • Home And Belonging

    The Language Spoken at Home

    Keep speaking your heritage language at home; the research supports it.

    2 min read

  • Home And Belonging

    The NHS as a Whole System

    Primary care, secondary care, CAMHS, A&E, the urgent advice lines. The map is worth holding.

    2 min read

  • Health and difference

    The Young Carer the School Misses

    Most teachers don’t know which pupils are young carers, so tell the school.

    1 min read · Ages 7 to 16

  • Family dynamics

    Twins in the Early Years

    Early-years twins are more exhausting than most people realise, so cut back on everything else.

    2 min read · Under 7

  • Big feelings

    When Bedtime Has Become a Ritual

    Ordinary bedtime routines comfort a child; an OCD ritual runs on fear, and it changes best one step at a time.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 11

  • Big feelings

    When Everything Is Boring

    Boredom can be a sign of low mood when it takes in almost everything, friends included, and lasts a fortnight or more.

    2 min read · Ages 7 to 11

  • Big feelings

    When Low Mood Looks Like Temper

    A child who is cross with everything may be low, and the clue is what they have stopped enjoying.

    2 min read · Ages 9 to 16

  • Big feelings

    When Your Teenager Will Not See the GP

    A teenager who refuses the GP may agree to a different way of going, and if they won’t, you can still go.

    2 min read · Ages 11 to 16

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Things to do together

17 on parenting strategy

Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.

To do together · About 15 min

A plan for the party

Agree a plan with your teenager before each party, including how they get home and what they do if things go wrong.

What it is for. Most of what parents know about a teenager’s life comes from what the teenager chooses to tell them. A plan made together before a party gives your teenager an easy way to tell you where they will be and how they are getting home, and settles what happens if something goes wrong before anyone is frightened or cross.

  1. The first step Ask about the party first: whose it is, where it is, who is going and whether an adult will be there. Hear your teenager’s answers before you set any conditions.
  2. Step 4 Talk through what your teenager will do if they are offered drink or drugs, or want to leave early, and tell them they can always ring you to come and get them. If a friend is very drunk or unwell, your teenager stays with them and gets help from an adult, and if the friend is unconscious, very drowsy or confused, or may have been spiked, your teenager calls for emergency help first and rings you after. Remind your teenager of your code word for “come and get me”, if you have agreed one.
  3. Step 5 Say what the plan can’t cover. If your teenager or anyone with them is hurt, very drowsy or confused, unconscious, has been assaulted, is being held or threatened, or may have been spiked, you will call for emergency help, whatever the plan said.

Safety. Spiking can look like being very drunk, and some drugs leave the body within hours. If you suspect it, get medical help early and report it to the police. The person who was spiked is never to blame. If your teenager is very drunk, stay with them and don’t leave them to sleep it off alone: they could be sick while drowsy and choke. If you think they have alcohol poisoning, call for emergency help, using the routes under “If you need help right now”.

When to get help. If your teenager or anyone with them is hurt, very drowsy or confused, unconscious, has been assaulted, may have been spiked or is being held or threatened, act straight away, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. Do the same if your teenager hasn’t come home, you can’t reach them or anyone with them, and you are worried for your teenager’s safety. If your teenager tells you, that night or later, that someone hurt them or did something sexual to them, that someone is pressuring or threatening them, or that they are hurting themselves or don’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the same routes. If the person hurting your teenager lives in your home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If you think your teenager is being exploited or groomed, act that day: contact the police or your local children’s social care, or get advice from the NSPCC. If something that happened is still troubling your teenager weeks later, talk to your GP.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

More to do together

  • To do together

    Cooking one thing together

    Cook one dish together each week, side by side, and give your child a real job. If they want to talk, they can do it while they chop.

    About 45 min · Under 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Solving it together

    When nobody is upset, pick one problem that keeps causing rows, hear your child’s side of it first, then say yours, and work out a plan you can both keep.

    About 20 min · Ages 9 to 18

  • To do together

    The things we do for the worry

    Notice what you do to spare your child a worry, then change one thing, telling them first and staying kind.

    About 15 min · Ages 7 to 16 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    The walk with no agenda

    Walk with your child at the same time each week, side by side. Some weeks they will talk, and you still go on the weeks they do not.

    About 20 min · Under 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    You go to their thing

    Your child chooses a film, a book, a song or a game they care about. You watch it, read it or play it, and ask one curious question.

    An evening, or an afternoon · Ages 11 to 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    A word that means “come and get me”

    Agree a code word with your teenager that means “come and get me”, with no telling-off that night, so that they can always leave somewhere they don’t want to be.

    About 15 min · Ages 11 to 18

  • To do together

    Getting out of the door

    A short list by the door, made with your child, of the things that go with them each morning. Your child ticks each one off as it goes in the bag, and you point at the list instead of reminding them.

    About 20 min · Ages 5 to 16 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Learning something new, badly, together

    Each of you takes up something none of you can do, and practises it where the others can see. There is no show at the end.

    About 10 min · Ages 7 to 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    One step at a time

    For an everyday fear, such as dogs, the dark or a new club: together you write the steps from easiest to hardest, and your child practises each one until it feels easy before they move up.

    About 15 min · Ages 5 to 16 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Ten minutes where your child leads

    Ten minutes most days when your child chooses what you play and you follow their lead. You don’t teach, correct or ask questions, and they never have to earn it.

    About 10 min · Under 11 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    The last half-hour before bed

    Choose the last half-hour before bed with your child, write it down in order and put it on the fridge. Then do it in that order most nights, slowly.

    About 30 min · Under 13 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    The thing your child can teach you

    Ask your child to teach you something they can do and you can’t. They run the lesson, you get it wrong in front of them, and at the end you tell them what you learned.

    About 20 min · Ages 7 to 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Their first appointment on their own

    Help your teenager get ready for a GP appointment and book it, then step back in stages until they can manage it alone.

    About 30 min · Ages 13 to 18 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Time alone with each child

    A regular time with each of your children on their own, doing something they choose. Keep it short enough to protect every week.

    About 15 min · Ages 5 to 16 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    What my body can do

    Now and then, each of you writes a few things your body did this week: something it managed, something it felt, something it mended. Nobody mentions how anyone looks.

    About 10 min · Ages 7 to 16 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    When a friend comes round

    For a visit your child has asked for: one friend, one thing to do together, you within earshot, and a warm, clear ending.

    An afternoon · Ages 5 to 13 · With a sheet to print

49 on parenting strategy

Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.

To print and keep

The guide to parenting strategy

What to do first, what helps, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.

See the sheet

Who else can help with parenting strategy, on a sheet of its own.

Every sheet to print

Books and reading

36 on parenting strategy

Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.

For you 28

  • Cover of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
     How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish A classic for good reason. Through cartoons, dialogues and exercises it teaches parents to acknowledge feelings, invite cooperation without nagging and find alternatives to punishment. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission

Also on this shelf

  • Cover of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Philippa Perry
     The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read Philippa Perry
  • Cover of Raising Human Beings by Ross W. Greene
     Raising Human Beings Ross W. Greene
  • Cover of How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
     How to Raise an Adult Julie Lythcott-Haims
  • Cover of Calm Parents, Happy Kids by Laura Markham
     Calm Parents, Happy Kids Laura Markham

And 23 more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

To read online 8

  • Place2Be

    Using praise and reward with children

    How specific, warm praise and small rewards shape behaviour better than criticism, why it can feel hard to do consistently, and simple activities to build the habit.

  • Place2Be

    The importance of limits and consequences for children

    Why children feel safer with clear, calm limits, and how to set consequences that are fair, proportionate and followed through without shouting.

  • Place2Be

    Building secure relationships with children

    A plain introduction to attachment for parents: what a secure relationship is, why it matters for a child’s confidence, and everyday things that build it.

  • NHS

    Dealing with child behaviour problems

    The NHS basics for toddler and preschool behaviour: be consistent, stay calm, praise the good, avoid smacking, and know when to ask a health visitor for more help.

  • NSPCC

    How to talk to children about difficult topics

    How to open conversations about divorce, illness, death, drugs, sex and online risks, using books, TV storylines and many small talks rather than one big one.

  • The Sleep Charity

    Bedtime Routines

    A calm, practical guide to building a bedtime routine, including a sample evening programme from bath to lights out and a downloadable advice sheet.

  • NHS

    Talking to your teenager

    Ten plain rules for talking with a teenager: do not judge, do not assume you know what is wrong, pick your battles, and ask questions that invite more than a shrug.

  • Child Mind Institute

    What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious

    Ten clear principles, starting with the counterintuitive one: the goal is not to remove a child’s anxiety but to help them manage it, because avoidance makes fear grow.

Podcasts and films

22 on parenting strategy

Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.

Podcasts 13

Also on this shelf

  • NPR Life Kit

    Life Kit: Parenting

  • Dr Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan

    Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

  • Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

    What Every Parent Should Know with Philippa Perry #75

  • Dr Kathy Weston, Dr Cassie Rhodes (Tooled Up Education)

    Get a Grip - Evidence-Based Conversations for Parents and Educators

And eight more. Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

Films 9

  • YouTube · 2 min

    9 Tips for Parenting Pre-Teens

    Child Mind Institute, YouTube

    Nine brief tips for the pre-teen years, from staying curious about their friendships to giving more independence while keeping clear boundaries.

Also on this shelf

  • TED · 14 min

    How to raise successful kids -- without over-parenting

    Julie Lythcott-Haims, TED

  • YouTube · 7 min

    Parenting Tips with Philippa Perry

    Philippa Perry, YouTube

  • TED · 14 min

    The single most important parenting strategy

    Dr Becky Kennedy, TED

  • YouTube

    Parenting Smart | free advice for parents and carers

    Place2Be, YouTube

And four more. Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

Who else can help

This usually starts at school rather than at the surgery. The adults who see your child every day are the first people to tell, and often the fastest route to a change. The GP is there if it persists or deepens.

Where to start

  • Your child’s school

    The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.

    Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.

  • Your GP

    The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.

    Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.

    www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp

  • Private therapy, if you can meet the cost

    A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with.

    When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out in our guide to finding a therapist.

    theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For parenting strategy

  • Action for Children Parent Talk

    A free one-to-one webchat with a trained parenting coach, and a library of articles by age on behaviour, sleep, neurodiversity and family life.

    When you want to talk it through with someone in writing, this week, without a referral.

    Free one-to-one webchat with a parenting coach, Mon-Fri, with evening slots on Mon and Thu; check the site for current times · Parent Talk+ by phone or video for parents of children with additional needs, up to eight free sessions

    parents.actionforchildren.org.uk

  • Coram Family Lives

    A free, confidential helpline for any parenting or family worry, by phone, live chat, WhatsApp or email, staffed by trained family support workers.

    When you need to talk it through with someone, about your child or about how you are managing, and you do not need a specialist to do it.

    Coram Family Lives helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays · Live chat and WhatsApp 07441 444125 at the same hours; email askus@coramfamilylives.org.uk · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258.

    www.coramfamilylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline

  • Place2Be

    Parenting Smart, written by the child mental health specialists who work in primary schools: short, practical articles and films on friendships, behaviour, worries and routines.

    For a child of five to eleven, when you want something you can read in ten minutes and try tonight. Place2Be’s counselling itself is only through partner schools.

    parentingsmart.place2be.org.uk

  • Home-Start UK

    Trained volunteers who visit families with young children at home, week by week, and local groups. You can refer yourself.

    When the early years are harder than anyone told you and what you need is another adult in the house. What is offered varies by area.

    The local branch is the right first call, and can tell you how long the wait is.

    www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

Every organisation for parenting strategy, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist