Ten minutes where your child leads

The activity

Ten minutes most days when your child chooses what you play and you follow their lead. You don’t teach, correct or ask questions, and they never have to earn it.

What it is for. When your child decides what happens and you follow, they get your full attention without having to ask for it. A child who can count on that has less need to look for attention in ways you’d rather they didn’t.

• The first step. Pick a time you can keep most days, and tell your child once: “Every day after tea, you and I get ten minutes, and you choose what we play.”

Safety. Beads, little bricks and other small pieces are a choking hazard for children under three; keep them off the floor if a younger child is about.

When to get help. If, in play or in words, your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, don’t question them or interpret it; stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child’s behaviour is becoming more frequent, more severe or harder to manage over several weeks, or is affecting their learning, friendships or life at home, talk to their nursery or school and to your GP or health visitor.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: Ten minutes where they lead.

It goes with

• Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help them through it.
• Siblings and the Fights That Aren’t Fair. For parents whose children keep finding new ways to fall out with each other.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Attachment. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Behaviour. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.