Telling the children

The sheet

For both parents, before you tell the children you are separating: when and where, the words you’ll use, what stays the same and what changes. On the back, what they might ask, and the weeks after.

For the grown-ups · A4, two sides · Two pages · PDF, 60 KB

How it helps

Children often remember how they were told. Planning it together first, with short, true words and no blame, means your child hears one story, knows what stays the same, and hears that the separation isn’t because of anything they did.

How to use it

1. Read the box at the top first. If you’re frightened of your child’s other parent, or there are concerns about your child’s safety or yours, don’t plan to tell them together. Get advice first, from your GP or a domestic abuse service, and use the routes at theparentbook.com/urgent-help if anyone is in danger.
2. Fill in the front together, before you tell the children: when and where, what you’ll say, what stays the same and what changes.
3. Agree between you how you’ll answer the questions on the back, and who tells the school.
4. Straight afterwards, do something together you would have done anyway. Expect the questions to come back, and answer them again.
5. The back says what to do that day if your child tells you something that worries you. If it is about their other home, it goes to the routes at theparentbook.com/urgent-help, not to their other parent.

How to get this sheet

This sheet comes with a subscription. It is also yours with its chapter, if that is the chapter you read free, or if a teacher or therapist sends it to you. School staff and therapists signed in to their shelf can print it too.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full, with its sheets. This one goes with When Parents Separate and The Conversations Parents Avoid.

Free to print

These are free to anyone, with nothing to sign up for.

• A plan for a bad dayTo fill in together · A4
• Before you ring the schoolFor a call or a meeting · A4
• What to say: school and friendsCards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut
• Before the SENCo meetingFor a meeting · A4
• Three reports, side by sideFor a meeting · A4 landscape
• The return-to-school meetingFor a meeting · A4
• The move to secondary school, for a parents’ eveningFor a parents’ evening · A4, five pages
• The last half-hour before bedFor the fridge · A4
• The worry ladderTo fill in together · A4
• Before you see the GP about your childFor an appointment · A4, two sides
• A record of what happenedFor a call or a meeting · A4, two pages
• The people I can tellTo make together · A4, two pages

Every sheet, marked free or with a subscription, is at theparentbook.com/printables.