Finding a therapist

Before you look

Most children do not need therapy. A great many of the difficulties in this library settle with a change at home, a conversation with the school, or time. Therapy is worth reaching for when a difficulty has lasted beyond a term, when it is narrowing your child’s life rather than sitting alongside it, when the same thing keeps returning in a different shape, or when what you have already tried has stopped working.

It is also worth reaching for on your own account. A parent who is holding something of their own is doing the hardest job in the world with one hand. Therapy for you is not a lesser version of therapy for your child, and it is very often the faster route.

The NHS route costs nothing and is the right first move for most families. The GP refers to CAMHS; NHS Talking Therapies takes self-referrals from adults in England without going through the GP at all. What private therapy buys is time and choice: a shorter wait, and the ability to pick the person.

Where to look

Start with a register rather than a search engine. In the United Kingdom, therapy is not a protected title: anyone may call themselves a therapist. What is regulated is the register, and the two below are both accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the check that matters.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. You can search by area, by what you are bringing, by whether the therapist works with children and young people, and by whether they offer online sessions. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, in supervision, insured, and accountable to a published code of ethics and a complaints process. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Your child’s school. Ask the pastoral lead or the SENCo who they refer families to. Schools hold a quiet list of the people whose work they have actually seen, and that is better information than any directory can give you.
• Your GP. Even if you intend to go privately, the GP is worth telling. They hold the physical picture, and some of what looks emotional is not.

Four things to check, before anything else

• The register. Are they on a Professional Standards Authority accredited register, and can you find them on it yourself? Do not take the website’s word for it; the registers are searchable and free.
• The training, and who it was with. A substantial qualification in counselling or psychotherapy, from a recognised course, with supervised clinical hours. Working with children is a distinct competence, not a subset of working with adults, so ask what their training in it was.
• Supervision and insurance. Every practising therapist should be in regular clinical supervision and carry professional indemnity insurance. Both are conditions of registration, and a therapist who hesitates over the question is telling you something.
• An enhanced DBS check. For anyone working with children. Ask directly. It is an ordinary question and nobody working properly will mind it.

Questions worth asking on the first call

• Have you worked with children of this age, with something like this, and how often?
• How do you work with parents? Will I be part of it, and how will I know how it is going?
• What is confidential between you and my child, and what would you tell me?
• How will we know whether it is helping, and when would we stop?
• What are your fees, how many sessions do you usually expect, and what is your cancellation policy?

The answer to the third one matters more than parents expect. A therapist working with a young person owes them a confidential space, and owes you enough of a picture to parent well. A good one will tell you exactly where that line sits, and will tell your child too, in front of you, at the start.

What a first session is like

Usually an assessment rather than therapy: a conversation about what has been happening, how long, what has already been tried, and what you are hoping for. With a younger child, a parent is often in the room for some or all of it. With a teenager, usually not, though the therapist should still speak to you.

Sessions are typically weekly and around fifty minutes, at the same time each week, because the regularity is part of what does the work. Fees vary considerably by area and by experience, and any therapist should tell you theirs plainly before you book. Some hold a number of lower-fee places; it is a reasonable thing to ask about and not an embarrassing one.

You are allowed to change your mind. If after three or four sessions your child dreads going, or you cannot see what is happening, say so. A therapist who is any good will welcome the conversation, and will help you find someone else if that is the answer.

How we work, if you are asking about us

Kensington Square Therapy is a therapy practice in London working with children, young people, parents and families. We see people in the room, we work online where that suits a family better, and we work inside schools we partner with. Our therapists are registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS).

We are not the right answer for every family, and we would rather say so early than take a booking that should have gone elsewhere. If we are not the fit, we will tell you where we would send you.