Getting out of the door

The activity

A short list by the door, made with your child, of the things that go with them each morning. Your child ticks each one off as it goes in the bag, and you point at the list instead of reminding them.

What it is for. Some children can be told what to take every morning and still leave without it. For a child with ADHD, keeping a list in their head while everything else is going on is especially hard. A list by the door puts the reminder where they need it, so that you can point at it instead of saying it all again.

• The first step. On a calm evening, ask your child what gets left behind: “What are the things that always go missing in the mornings?” Make the list from their answers, in their words: three or four things, not eight.

Safety. An inhaler, an adrenaline pen or any medicine your child needs is checked by an adult every morning, whoever packs the bag. It is never left to the list.

When to get help. If mornings are still a battle after several weeks with the list, if your child is losing and forgetting things at school as well as at home and it is affecting their work or friendships, or if you have been wondering whether your child has ADHD, talk to one of their teachers or the SENCo, and to your GP. If your child dreads going, or mornings bring stomach aches or tears about school, talk to their school, and take them to the GP if the stomach aches keep coming back. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: The door list.

It goes with

• Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the School. For parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them.
• The Move to Secondary School. For parents whose child is about to go from being one of the oldest at school to one of the youngest.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• ADHD. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Neurodiversity. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.