The last half-hour before bed

The activity

Choose the last half-hour before bed with her, write it down in order and put it on the fridge. Then do it in that order most nights, slowly.

What it is for. A bedtime that runs the same way each night helps her body clock and helps her relax. If the order is agreed in daylight and written down, there’s less to argue about at each step when everyone is tired.

• The first step. On a calm afternoon, list with her what already happens before bed: a bath or a wash, pyjamas, the loo, teeth, a story, and the same few words at the door (“I’m going now. I’ll see you at breakfast.”). You probably have a routine already; the card fixes the order.

Safety. Stay with a baby or young child for the whole of bath time, even if an older child is in the bath too, and run the cold water before the hot. Phones and tablets, yours included, charge outside the bedrooms overnight.

When to get help. If, at bedtime or at any other time, she tells you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If you have kept to the routine for a few weeks and she still can’t get to sleep, keeps waking or is tired through the day, talk to your GP. See your GP sooner if she snores loudly most nights, or you notice her breathing stop and start, or hear her gasp or snort in her sleep.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it is free to print: The last half-hour before bed.

It goes with

• The Hour Before Bed. For parents whose child’s bedtime has turned into an hour of worries, questions and meltdowns.
• Screen Time. For parents who have lost the argument about screen hours, and suspect it was never quite the right argument to have.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Sleep. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Co-regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.