Safeguarding.

From the tip

Young children love secrets, and most of theirs are harmless: what is in the box for Granny’s birthday, the den behind the shed. The NSPCC’s Underwear Rule teaches children that there are good and bad secrets. A good secret is a surprise, like a present or a party, and it gets told in the end. A bad secret makes your child feel sad, worried or frightened, and they can always tell you about it.

If your child tells you that someone has touched them, hurt them or asked them to keep a secret about their body, stay calm, thank them for telling you, tell them it isn’t their fault, and don’t promise to keep it secret: tell them you will need to tell someone whose job is to keep children safe. Don’t question your child further or confront the person, and act that day. If the person lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. Act that day too if what your child tells you suggests that another child is being hurt. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.

If your child is in danger right now, don’t wait. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

From the tip

Families newly arrived at UK independent schools are often surprised by how seriously the school takes safeguarding: the training the staff have, the Designated Safeguarding Lead whose name appears in every policy, and how often safeguarding is mentioned in school communications. If you’re used to a different system, the way it’s presented can make it seem more alarming than it is.

UK safeguarding is statutory. In England, every school, independent schools included, works to Keeping Children Safe in Education, known across the sector as KCSIE, which sets out what schools must do to protect children. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland each have their own guidance, under a different name and with a differently titled lead, on the same architecture. The DSL in your child’s school is the senior member of staff who takes lead responsibility for safeguarding; the governing body or proprietor is answerable for it. All the training, the policies and the seriousness come from this framework. None of it is a sign of a particular concern about your child or your school.

In practice, this makes your school’s safeguarding something you can rely on. The DSL is the right adult to bring in if you have any concern about your child’s safety, online or in person. The DSL is also the right adult to ask if you are not sure whether something rises to the level of a safeguarding concern.

From the tip

In the moment, get yourself and the other children out of the room, or the house. Don’t hit back, and don’t try to restrain an older or stronger child: you could both be hurt. If violence is being used or threatened, call the police. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour. If anyone is hurt, get medical help. If your child hurts a brother or sister badly or often, or in a way you cannot stop, in either home, ask children’s social care for help that day: both children need it.

In England and Wales, parents can call a free helpline. Coram Family Lives, 0808 800 2222. Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays. Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free. Scotland has its own. Children First, 08000 28 22 33. Email supportline@childrenfirst.org.uk. Mon-Fri 9am-9pm, Sat-Sun 9am-noon. Outside those hours the line is closed. If a child is in immediate danger, Children First says to call the police. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free. So does Northern Ireland. Parentline NI, 0808 8020 400. Email parentline@ci-ni.org.uk. Mon-Thu 9am-9pm, Fri 9am-5pm, Sat 9am-1pm. Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free.

Your GP can start an assessment.

If you think someone may be hurting your child, or your child tells you so, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day. If the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free. Your child can also talk to someone themselves, without you in the room. Childline, 0800 1111. For anyone under 19 in the UK. There is a one-to-one chat online at https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/. Help is free and available at any hour.