Describe what your child did and how they did it, which tells them far more than a verdict on how clever they are.
A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 5 to 11.
Where to start
Describe what your child did: “You kept going when it got hard, and you checked your answer.”
Go easy on superlatives, especially with a child who is hard on themselves.
Keep praise to what they did, and leave out comparisons.
The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.
Sources
Brummelman and colleagues, the adverse impact of inflated praise on children with low self-esteem (Psychological Science, 2014); Sisk and colleagues, two meta-analyses of growth mind-sets and achievement (Psychological Science, 2018); Place2Be, Using praise and reward with children (Parenting Smart)
It goes with
Perfectionism.For parents whose child can’t bear to get anything wrong.
The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.
Free on this subject
Self-esteem.What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Parenting strategy.What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.