One of the most common things parents bring to us in the therapy room. The shape it takes shifts with age, the toddler who will not be put down, the seven-year-old who cannot sleep, the teenager who has stopped going to school. What helps lives inside that range, and the pages here follow it.
Anxiety is a body deciding something is dangerous before the thinking part has had a say. It is not a failure of character, yours or your child’s, and it is one of the most treatable things a child brings to us.
Tonight, do not argue with the worry. Name it instead: “your body has decided that is dangerous, and I can see how hard that is.” The naming does more than the reasoning.
This week, notice what she is avoiding, and pick the smallest possible version of it to do together. Avoidance is the fuel; a slightly smaller avoidance is the whole intervention.
Tell the school. A form tutor who knows will handle a Monday morning differently, and you will stop being the only adult holding it.
What helps
Co-regulate before you communicate.Your calm body settles theirs. Sit close. Slow your own breathing. The most regulating thing in the room is a calm parent, not a clever sentence. Save the words for after the storm has passed.
Name the feeling out loud.“That sounds really hard.” “You look really worried.” Naming reduces the felt-strangeness of the emotion and shifts brain activity from the alarm centre toward the language centre. It is one of the most evidence-supported interventions there is.
Praise effort, behaviour and process — never just outcome.“You kept going when that was hard” not “you’re so clever.” The first builds resilience; the second adds pressure. This is the single most important shift to make at home.
Model your own ordinary mistakes.Out loud, often. “I burnt the dinner.” “I forgot the appointment.” “I read the email wrong.” Your relationship with mistakes is what your child copies, far more than any speech you give.
Some tips to try
Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.
When the Worry Will Not Settle.The anxious child rarely arrives wearing the word for what she is carrying.
Name what her body is doing, briefly, in plain language.
Find one place this week where she could have more say.
“Mistake of the week” at Sunday dinner. Each family member shares one mistake they made that week, and what they learned. Yours included. The conversation reframes mistakes as the texture of trying, not the absence of success.
Sunday dinner is a good time, but any regular weekly meal works.
Introduce it once, calmly. “We’re going to try something. Each of us will share one mistake we made this week, and what we learned from it.”
You go first. The honest, ordinary kind, “I sent an email to the wrong person.” “I burnt the supper on Tuesday.” “I got cross with Granny on the phone and I shouldn’t have.”
Take it seriously. Don’t laugh off your own mistake. The modelling is the point.
Anxiety, by Age.A developmental atlas for parents whose child is worried in a way that has started to make decisions for them.theparentbook.com/reader/anxiety-by-age
Something to watch: Anxiety Canada: Parent Resources Channel, Anxiety Canada, YouTube.Anxiety Canada’s parent-facing video material on supporting an anxious child, transferable to UK families and useful alongside the Anxiety UK and YoungMinds resources named across the anxiety chapter and tips.www.youtube.com/@AnxietyCanada
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Your GP.The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
YoungMinds.The leading UK youth mental health charity. Their A-Z is the first place I send parents asking about a named concern.When a parent needs a clear, accessible primer on a specific emotional or mental health concern in their child or teen. Default first signpost for the 11-to-18 age range.Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.ukwww.youngminds.org.uk/parent
Anxiety UK.A specialist national anxiety charity. The right inline signpost in anxiety chapters where the parent wants reading anchored in a charity whose single subject is anxiety.Anxiety chapters where the reader benefits from material written from a place that does only this. Their parent-facing pages on anxiety in children and young people, and on supporting an anxious child, are the right specific sub-resources to name.Charged at your standard call rate, not free.Anxiety UK Infoline 03444 775 774 · Infoline 24/7 · Email support@anxietyuk.org.uk; live chat via websitewww.anxietyuk.org.uk
MindEd for Families.NHS-backed e-learning hub written by specialists and parents together. The right pointer for parents who want to go deeper than a charity explainer.When the chapter calls for a substantial primer rather than a short article. Particularly useful for parents who are research-minded and want structured material they can work through.www.minded.org.uk
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.