The chapter to start with
When Your Child Has Gone Flat
A chapter for parents watching a child lose interest in the things they used to love.
21 min read · Ages 9 to 16
Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.
Worry, mood and big feelings
General mental health
This is about how your child is doing in general, without pinning it to one diagnosis or one moment. These pages look at how mood, sleep, appetite, friendship and energy change over months and years, for the parent learning to look beyond a single bad week to the longer pattern.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.
What the library holds on general mental health
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
You don’t need a diagnosis, or certainty, to act. Most parents who bring us a worry have kept it to themselves for months, and almost all of them wish they’d spoken sooner.
- Write down what you’ve noticed, with dates. Focus on the pattern, not the worst day, because the pattern is what a GP or a school can actually work with.
- Ask your child one open question and then stop talking: “How have you been, apart from how school’s going?” Then leave the silence alone.
- Book a double GP appointment and take your written list. Ten minutes goes quickly.
Chapters
1 on general mental health
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
15 on general mental health
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Family transitions
When Your Child Is Eighteen and the Doctors Cannot Tell You Everything
The doctors can always listen to what you’ve seen, even when they can’t tell you about your child’s care.
Try this
- While your child is well, ask who they’d want told if they became unwell, and what.
- If you’re worried, tell their GP or team what you’ve seen.
From the tip
What you can always do is tell the doctors what you’ve seen. The same guidance says doctors should not refuse to listen to a family’s concerns on grounds of confidentiality, and so does a government statement on suicide prevention in England. They may tell your child you were in touch, and may neither confirm nor deny what you tell them. You can also ask for general information, such as how to get help in a crisis.
Doctors are told to ask patients this and to record the answer, so suggest your child tells their GP and anyone treating them.
If your child tells you they have hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: help them ask their surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line for the nation they are in, not the one you are calling from. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour. If you’re calling from elsewhere, give the operator your child’s full address.
Big feelings
Living With Your Child’s Diagnosis at Home
The diagnosis is part of family life now, but most of life isn’t about it.
Try this
- Don’t organise the household around the diagnosis.
Big feelings
When the Medication Changes
A change in your child’s dose is information, and in most cases it doesn’t mean anything is going wrong.
Try this
- Take the change as information about your child’s growing body, not a verdict.
- Explain it calmly: “The doctor thinks this will work a bit better.”
More quick tips on general mental health
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Family transitions
When Your Teenager Wants to See the GP Without You
Seeing a doctor on their own is part of growing up; know what stays private, what doesn’t, and how you can still help.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Big feelings
The Day Your Child Gets a Mental Health Diagnosis
A diagnosis puts a name to what your child has been going through.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 18
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Home And Belonging
The NHS as a Whole System
Primary care, secondary care, CAMHS, A&E, the urgent advice lines. The map is worth holding.
2 min read
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Big feelings
When Your Seventeen-Year-Old Is Low
If your teenager has been flat for more than a fortnight, ask how they are, and help them see the GP on their own terms.
2 min read · Ages 16 to 18
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Bodies & growing up
When You Think Your Teenager Is Using Cannabis
The risks are greatest with daily use of strong cannabis, so ask how often your teenager uses it, and why.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Big feelings
When Your Child Needs You to Say It Again
If your child needs the same answer again and again before they can settle, it may be OCD, so talk to your GP.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 18
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Big feelings
When Everything Is Boring
Boredom can be a sign of low mood when it takes in almost everything, friends included, and lasts a fortnight or more.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 11
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Big feelings
When Your Teenager Will Not See the GP
A teenager who refuses the GP may agree to a different way of going, and if they won’t, you can still go.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Parent wellbeing
When Your Fuse Has Got Shorter
Irritability can be a sign of poor sleep, low mood, anxiety or perimenopause, so a shortened fuse is worth looking into.
2 min read · Under 19
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Home And Belonging
Your First GP Visit in the UK
Register with a GP as soon as you arrive; in the UK, almost all NHS care starts there.
2 min read
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Health and difference
The Medication on Your Bedside Table
For the parent who has not named their own medication out loud.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 16
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Big feelings
The Thought Your Child Is Frightened to Tell You
Intrusive thoughts are part of OCD, and even the most frightening say nothing about who a child is or what they want.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 16
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
2 on general mental health
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 20 min
Five steps in one week
For one week, the family tries one easy thing for each of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing: connecting with people, being active, learning something, giving, and paying attention to the moment.
What it is for. The five steps are simple things that support wellbeing, children’s and parents’ alike. Doing them together for a week turns them into something the family does, so nobody is being told to look after themselves.
- The first step Write the five steps on a sheet: connect with other people; be physically active; learn something new; give to others; pay attention to the present moment.
Safety. If your child is being treated or assessed for an eating disorder, their team’s plan comes first, including for the active step.
When to get help. These steps support wellbeing; they are not a treatment for mental illness, and a child can do all five and still be struggling. If your child has been low, anxious or withdrawn for more than a couple of weeks, or it is affecting school, sleep or eating, talk to your GP or their school. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they don’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.
The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
More to do together
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To do together
Their first appointment on their own
Help your teenager get ready for a GP appointment and book it, then step back in stages until they can manage it alone.
About 30 min · Ages 13 to 18 · With a sheet to print
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
3 on general mental health
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to general mental health
What to do first, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with general mental health, on a sheet of its own.
Books and reading
31 on general mental health
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 9
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Helping Your Child with Fears and Worries Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willetts A step-by-step programme showing parents how to guide an anxious child of about 4–12 through facing fears, using the parent-led CBT approach tested in UK clinical trials. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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If Your Adolescent Has Depression Dwight L. Evans, Moira A. Rynn and Katherine Ellison
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Teenage Depression Shirley Reynolds and Monika Parkinson
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The Perfection Trap Thomas Curran
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How to Grow a Grown Up Dominique Thompson and Fabienne Vailes
And four more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 15
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A Beginner’s Guide to Being Mental: An A–Z Natasha Devon · Ages 15 to 18 An A to Z of mental health from the campaigner and former government mental health champion for schools. Frank, funny and myth-busting, it suits older teenagers who want information rather than a workbook. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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How Not to Lose It: Mental Health – Sorted Anna Williamson · Ages 9 to 13
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The Mental Health and Wellbeing Workout for Teens: Skills and Exercises from ACT and CBT for Healthy Thinking Paula Nagel · Ages 13 to 18
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A Better Day: Your Positive Mental Health Handbook Dr Alex George · Ages 9 to 13
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Be Resilient: How to Build a Strong Teenage Mind for Tough Times Nicola Morgan · Ages 12 to 16
And ten more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read online 7
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NHS Every Mind Matters
Children’s mental health
The NHS’s overview for parents: everyday ways to support a child’s mental health, signs they might be struggling, and when to get professional help. A good first stop.
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NHS
Worried about your teenager?
Helps parents tell ordinary teenage ups and downs from signs of depression, eating problems, self-harm or drug use, and what to do next.
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YoungMinds
Parents’ Guide to CAMHS
What CAMHS is, how to get a referral, what happens at an assessment, how to work with the team, and what to do if CAMHS does not offer support.
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YoungMinds
What to do when your child is on a waiting list
For the long wait before help arrives: how your child and you might feel, ways to support them meanwhile, other kinds of support, and what to do if things get worse.
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Childline
Coping with anxiety
Written for young people themselves: what anxiety feels like, ways to cope such as breathing and writing things down, and when to ask a doctor for help. Good to pass to a teenager.
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YoungMinds
Transitions and times of change
Covers every kind of change, from school moves and family changes to friendship loss and identity, why change can be so hard, and extra support for neurodivergent children.
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YoungMinds
Trauma and mental health
What trauma is, signs a child is affected, how PTSD and complex PTSD differ, how to support a child afterwards, and the overlap with neurodiversity.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
14 on general mental health
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 6
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
111: What Kind of Therapy is Right for My Kid?
Damour gives a neutral guide to the kinds of therapy a child might be offered, including CBT, DBT, play, family and talking therapies, and which tend to suit which difficulties.
Also on this shelf
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Claudia Hammond (BBC Radio 4)
All in the Mind
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Raising Good Humans
S3 Ep 18: Supporting Your Kid’s Mental Health (While You’re Waiting for an Appointment)
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ACAMH (Dr Jane Gilmour, Prof Umar Toseeb, Dr Clara Faria)
‘Mind the Kids’: an ACAMH podcast
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Dr Dave Anderson (Child Mind Institute)
Thriving Kids
And one more. Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 8
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YouTube · 5 min
Talking Mental Health
Anna Freud, YouTube
An animation for primary-age children introducing the idea that everyone has mental health, and that feelings can be talked about. A calm opener for a first family conversation.
Also on this shelf
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YouTube · 6 min
We All Have Mental Health
Anna Freud, YouTube
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YouTube · 2 min
How to provide emotional support to your child | Advice from our Parents Helpline experts
YoungMinds, YouTube
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YouTube
Child Mind Institute
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
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YouTube · 5 min
Tips for talking for parents and carers
Anna Freud, YouTube
And three more. Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Where to start
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
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NHS 111, and Lifeline in Northern Ireland
The mental health crisis line for your area. Free, confidential and answered twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year.
When you or your child is in mental health crisis and it will not wait for a GP appointment.
England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option
Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 -
NHS Talking Therapies
Free NHS therapy for adults in England, for anxiety and low mood. You can refer yourself; you do not need to go through your GP first.
For the parent. A great many of the parents we sit with are carrying something of their own, and waiting for someone to ask.
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service
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Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
For general mental health
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YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line.
Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
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NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers
The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings.
When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents
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Mind
The UK’s mental health charity. Pages written for parents of a struggling young person, an Infoline that points you to the right service, and a Support Line that will simply listen.
When your own reserves are running low and you want to talk to someone who is not the GP, your partner or a friend. Not for a crisis.
If tonight is urgent, use the numbers under “If you need help right now”, at the end of this page.
Charged at your standard call rate, not free.
Mind Infoline 0300 123 3393 · Mon-Fri 9am-6pm (except bank holidays) · Mind Support Line 0300 102 1234, Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, for emotional support rather than signposting · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258.
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Hub of Hope
A free directory of local and national mental health services, searched by postcode and by what you need, with separate routes for under-twenty-fives and for urgent help.
When you want to know what actually exists near you, for you or for your child.
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The Mix
A free service for under-twenty-fives on anything at all: a twenty-four-hour crisis text line, peer chat, short-term counselling and discussion boards.
Something to give your teenager rather than use yourself. The text line is there at three in the morning.
Crisis text 24/7; counselling, peer chat and boards by arrangement
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Royal College of Psychiatrists
Plain-English leaflets written by psychiatrists for parents on ADHD, autism, behaviour, sleep, trauma, and on how CAMHS works.
When you want the professional body’s account of a condition or of what an NHS referral will involve. Reading only.
Every organisation for general mental health, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist