In the Weeks After Something Frightening

Where to start

• Keep to school, meals and a regular bedtime as far as you can.
• If she’s still very upset a month on, or it’s getting worse, see the GP.
• Keep to school, meals and a regular bedtime as far as you can. Tell her you’re ready to listen, check in now and then, and let her choose when, how and with whom; some would rather talk to someone outside the family. Don’t ask for the details or push her to go over it: if that is needed, it is work for a trained therapist. Avoid “you’re fine” and “it could have been worse”. If it is being shared online, talk about what she has seen and help her take time away from it. If a sexual image or video is being shared, never view, copy, print, share, store or save it; a screenshot is a copy. Report it to the police. CEOP (the police’s online child protection command). Report at https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/.
• Talk to your GP if, about a month after it happened, she is still very upset and finding it hard to get on with everyday life.
• If someone is hurting her, or attacked her or did something sexual to her, or could still reach her, stay calm, thank her if she has told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, even if it seems over. If the person lives in your home or her other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
• If she has hurt herself, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank her if she has told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

• Trauma in Childhood. For parents whose child has been through something hard, or whose family has.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Trauma. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.