The chapter to start with
When Your Child Has Gone Flat
A chapter for parents watching a child lose interest in the things they used to love.
21 min read · Ages 9 to 16
Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.
Worry, mood and big feelings
Low mood
Low mood is a flatness that isn’t quite depression and isn’t nothing either: a child who talks less than they did, a teenager who has stopped wanting things, a friendship group that has thinned, a bed that’s harder to get out of. These pages are for the parent learning to recognise it without labelling it too quickly.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.
What the library holds on low mood
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
Low mood in a child rarely looks like sadness. More often it’s flatness, irritability, a dropped hobby or a longer lie-in. Noticing it is the hard part, and you’ve done that.
- Make sure one thing happens every day that gets your child out of their room and next to another person: a walk to the shop, the dog, the washing up alongside you. It isn’t meant to be a conversation.
- Say it out loud, without a solution attached: “You’ve seemed flat for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about you.” Then wait for your child.
- See the GP within the fortnight. Persistent low mood in a young person is treatable and the waiting is the part that does harm.
Captions are available.Watch with audio description
The film in words
On screen: The navy cloth cover of The Parent Book, with its gold mark. Beneath the title: Low mood · What to do first.
On screen: The cover lifts, and the library’s page on low mood lies beneath it. Its drawing, a window, its curtains drawn, appears as if printed, captioned “Curtain still drawn”.
On screen: The page moves down to What to do first, from the therapists.
Low mood in a child rarely looks like sadness. More often it’s flatness, irritability, a dropped hobby or a longer lie-in. Noticing it is the hard part, and you’ve done that.
On screen: “Noticing it is the hard part, and you’ve done that” is underlined. The first of three steps is lifted from the page.
Make sure one thing happens every day that gets your child out of their room and next to another person: a walk to the shop, the dog, the washing up alongside you. It isn’t meant to be a conversation.
On screen: “gets your child out of their room and next to another person” is underlined. The step is set back in its place, and the second is lifted.
Say it out loud, without a solution attached: “You’ve seemed flat for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about you.” Then wait for your child.
On screen: “You’ve seemed flat for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about you.” is underlined. The step is set back in its place, and the third is lifted.
See the GP within the fortnight. Persistent low mood in a young person is treatable and the waiting is the part that does harm.
On screen: “See the GP within the fortnight” is underlined. The step is set back, and What to do first is seen whole, every step underlined, with the page’s own line beneath them: If you are worried about a child’s safety. Safeguarding: what to do and who to tell. Urgent help. Then the page’s head again.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print.
On screen: “free to read and to print” is underlined, in the page’s own line. The page dissolves into the navy cover, and gold is laid into its mark: The Parent Book. Low mood · What to do first. theparentbook.com/help/low-mood. Written by qualified therapists registered with the BACP and NCPS.
Chapters
3 on low mood
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
- When You Are Not All RightFor parents whose own mental health is part of what’s going on at home. 19 min read
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When Your Child Is Being BulliedFor parents whose child has just told them about being bullied.
13 min read
Ages 4 to 18
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
16 on low mood
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Big feelings
When Nothing Makes Your Child Laugh Any More
A child with low mood often keeps going to school and doing their homework, but stops enjoying things.
Try this
- Sit on your child’s bed for five minutes with no agenda.
- If they’ve been this flat for more than a fortnight, or you’re worried, ring the GP.
From the tip
If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour.
Big feelings
When Your Seventeen-Year-Old Is Low
If your teenager has been flat for more than a fortnight, ask how they are, and help them see the GP on their own terms.
Try this
- If your teenager has been flat for more than a fortnight, or you’re worried, see the GP.
- Warn them the GP should ask about drink, drugs and self-harm, and should offer to see them alone.
- Tell the GP what you’ve seen; they can listen even if they can’t tell you anything.
From the tip
The GP can refer them to children and young people’s mental health services (CAMHS), usually until they are 18.
In some parts of England they can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies from 16, and their school or college may have a counsellor.
They can ask the GP to keep what they say from you. Doctors should still share information without your teenager’s agreement where that’s needed to protect them from serious harm, and the General Medical Council’s guidance gives self-harm as an example. The GP can always listen to what you’ve seen.
The NHS says older children who are depressed may misuse drugs or alcohol, so tell the GP about any drinking or drug use. Warn your teenager beforehand that the doctor should ask about drink, drugs, self-harm and suicidal thoughts, and should offer to see them alone first.
If your teenager has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
Big feelings
When Everything Is Boring
Boredom can be a sign of low mood when it takes in almost everything, friends included, and lasts a fortnight or more.
Try this
- Notice whether it’s one thing that bores your child, or everything, friends included.
- If they’ve been flat for a fortnight or more, or you’re worried at any point, see the GP.
From the tip
Children of this age sometimes say, in passing, that they wish they weren’t here. Take it seriously every time. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour.
More quick tips on low mood
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Big feelings
When Low Mood Looks Like Temper
A child who is cross with everything may be low, and the clue is what they have stopped enjoying.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 16
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Big feelings
When Your Teenager Will Not See the GP
A teenager who refuses the GP may agree to a different way of going, and if they won’t, you can still go.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Friendships & social life
No One to Sit With at Lunch
A lonely child generally seems fine, which is why loneliness is so easy to miss.
1 min read · Ages 7 to 11
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Big feelings
The Child Who Looks Fine
A teenager with good grades and teachers who say everything’s fine can still be anxious and exhausted.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 18
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Parent wellbeing
The Fear That Stops You Asking
Many parents fear that asking for help will cost them their children, but what usually follows asking is help.
2 min read
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Friendships & social life
A First Heartbreak
A first heartbreak is real grief, so take it seriously.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Parent wellbeing
The Friend You Have Stopped Calling
Losing touch with friends happens gradually, and the way back starts with a quick, low-stakes message.
2 min read
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Parent wellbeing
The Sunday Evening Dread
Sunday-evening dread is a sign that you’ve been doing more than you can recover from.
2 min read
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Parent wellbeing
What to Tell Your Child When You Are Unwell
A child who is told nothing makes up their own explanation, and in it they are often to blame.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 16
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Big feelings
The Day Your Child Gets a Mental Health Diagnosis
A diagnosis puts a name to what your child has been going through.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 18
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Online life
The Friends the Algorithm Chose
The platform chooses what’s in your child’s feed to keep them watching, and it can leave them feeling flat.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Online life
When the AI Becomes Your Child’s Confidant
If your child confides in a chatbot, tell them what it is and keep them talking to real people.
1 min read · Ages 11 to 18
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Big feelings
The Long Shadow of Losing a Parent
A child who loses a parent will feel the loss in new ways across the next ten years.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 16
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
2 on low mood
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 30 min
A plan for a bad day, made in a good week
A one-page plan, made calmly with your children: who they can call, who does the school run, and what you say to each other on a hard day.
What it is for. This is for a parent living with low mood, anxiety or another condition that comes and goes. A bad day is easier on everyone when the family has already thought about what happens on one.
- The first step Choose a good week to do this, and a calm time within it.
- Step 4 Agree one rule for an emergency, and keep it simple: if they cannot wake you, you are hurt, or they think you are in danger, they call for emergency help first and ring the adult named on the plan second. For anything else, they ring that adult. Say plainly that looking after you is not their job; the rule is only about fetching help.
Safety. The printable carries only the emergency route; the names and numbers of the adults who can help are for you to write in together.
When to get help. If you are not safe, or not sure you can keep yourself or someone else safe, do not wait for the plan: use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page, straight away. For everything else, the GP is the first step, and in England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.
The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
More to do together
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To do together
Five steps in one week
For one week, the family tries one easy thing for each of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing: connecting with people, being active, learning something, giving, and paying attention to the moment.
About 20 min · Ages 5 to 18 · With a sheet to print
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
8 on low mood
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to low mood
What to do first, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with low mood, on a sheet of its own.
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A plan for a bad day
To fill in together · A4 · Free
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Putting it right
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut, two sides · With a subscription
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Who is in my corner
For you · A4 · With a subscription
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Five steps, one week
For the fridge · A4 landscape · With a subscription
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My words for that moment
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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A record of what happened
For a call or a meeting · A4, two pages · Free
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What to say: growing up
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · With a subscription
Books and reading
21 on low mood
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 6
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Can I Tell You About Depression? Christopher Dowrick and Susan Martin A short illustrated book in which a young person explains what depression feels like and what helps, a gentle way to open a conversation with a child, or to help friends and relatives understand. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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If Your Adolescent Has Depression Dwight L. Evans, Moira A. Rynn and Katherine Ellison
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Teenage Depression Shirley Reynolds and Monika Parkinson
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Overcoming Depression and Low Mood Chris Williams
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The Optimistic Child Martin E. P. Seligman
And one more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 12
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Am I Depressed and What Can I Do About It? A CBT Self-Help Guide for Teenagers Experiencing Low Mood and Depression Shirley Reynolds and Monika Parkinson · Ages 14 to 18 Written by two clinical psychologists from the University of Reading, this CBT-based guide helps a young person recognise low mood and try proven steps, such as scheduling rewarding activity, alongside professional help where needed. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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Sometimes I Feel Sad Tom Alexander · Ages 5 to 8
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The Boy Who Lost His Bumble Trudi Esberger · Ages 3 to 6
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Stuff That Sucks: Accepting What You Can’t Change and Committing to What You Can Ben Sedley · Ages 13 to 18
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How Not to Lose It: Mental Health – Sorted Anna Williamson · Ages 9 to 13
And seven more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read online 3
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NHS
Depression in children and young people
The signs of depression in children and teenagers, possible causes, what to do if you are worried, and when to seek medical help.
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Place2Be
My child is feeling sad or low
Helps parents tell ordinary mood changes from persistent low mood in a primary-age child, and what to try at home before seeking help.
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NHS
Worried about your teenager?
Helps parents tell ordinary teenage ups and downs from signs of depression, eating problems, self-harm or drug use, and what to do next.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
7 on low mood
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 2
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
190: How Can I Help My Depressed Teen?
Damour and Ninan take a parent’s question about a teenager who seems depressed: how to understand what is happening, how to stay connected, and how to find the right help.
Also on this shelf
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MQ Open Mind
Why is Depression Rising Among Young People? with Dr Maria Loades
Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 5
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YouTube · 15 min
CAMHS | Fighting back depression and low mood | Part 2: How parents can help
Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust, YouTube
NHS CAMHS guidance for parents of a young person with low mood, covering routine, activity, sleep and how to encourage without nagging. Measured, practical and clinically grounded.
Also on this shelf
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YouTube · 6 min
How To Support a Depressed Teenager | Child Mind Institute
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
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YouTube · 4 min
I had a black dog, his name was depression
World Health Organization, YouTube
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YouTube · 2 min
My child is feeling sad or low | Place2Be’s Parenting Smart
Place2Be, YouTube
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YouTube · 3 min
What Is Negative Self-Talk? - How Parents Can Help | Child Mind Institute
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Where to start
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
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NHS 111, and Lifeline in Northern Ireland
The mental health crisis line for your area. Free, confidential and answered twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year.
When you or your child is in mental health crisis and it will not wait for a GP appointment.
England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option
Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 -
NHS Talking Therapies
Free NHS therapy for adults in England, for anxiety and low mood. You can refer yourself; you do not need to go through your GP first.
For the parent. A great many of the parents we sit with are carrying something of their own, and waiting for someone to ask.
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service
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Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
For low mood
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YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line.
Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
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NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers
The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings.
When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents
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Soluna by Kooth
Confidential online support for young people, free in the areas where the NHS or the council funds it: articles, moderated forums and drop-in text chat with a qualified practitioner.
For a teenager who will not talk to you but might talk to someone. Whether it is available depends on where you live; they check at sign-up.
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Mind
The UK’s mental health charity. Pages written for parents of a struggling young person, an Infoline that points you to the right service, and a Support Line that will simply listen.
When your own reserves are running low and you want to talk to someone who is not the GP, your partner or a friend. Not for a crisis.
If tonight is urgent, use the numbers under “If you need help right now”, at the end of this page.
Charged at your standard call rate, not free.
Mind Infoline 0300 123 3393 · Mon-Fri 9am-6pm (except bank holidays) · Mind Support Line 0300 102 1234, Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, for emotional support rather than signposting · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258.
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Anna Freud
The Anna Freud Centre’s family wellbeing resources: careful, research-led reading on children’s emotional development, separation, self-care for parents, and supporting a child through treatment.
When you want depth from a clinical source rather than a quick explainer. Reading only; there is no helpline.
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Place2Be
Parenting Smart, written by the child mental health specialists who work in primary schools: short, practical articles and films on friendships, behaviour, worries and routines.
For a child of five to eleven, when you want something you can read in ten minutes and try tonight. Place2Be’s counselling itself is only through partner schools.
Every organisation for low mood, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist