Low mood

The flatness that is not quite depression and not quite nothing. The child who has gone quieter, the teenager who has stopped wanting things, the friend group that has thinned, the bed that is harder to leave on a Tuesday. For the parent learning to recognise low mood without naming it too fast.

Everything the library holds on this, on one page. The whole of it is at theparentbook.com/help/low-mood

If this is happening right now

Low mood in a child rarely announces itself as sadness. It arrives as flatness, irritability, a dropped hobby, a longer lie-in. Noticing it is the hard part, and you have done that.

Protect one small daily thing that gets her out of the room and next to another person. Not a conversation. A walk to the shop, the dog, the washing up alongside you.
Say the thing out loud, without a solution attached: “you have seemed flat for a few weeks and I have been thinking about you.” Then wait.
See the GP within the fortnight. Persistent low mood in a young person is treatable and the waiting is the part that does harm.

Some tips to try

Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.

When Nothing Makes Her Laugh Any More. Low mood in a child looks less like sadness, more like flattening.
- Sit on her bed for five minutes with no agenda.
- Drive her somewhere for an errand you do not need to do.
- If the flatness has held for a fortnight, ring the GP.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-quiet-one-at-the-table
No One to Sit With at Lunch. The lonely child does not present as lonely. She presents as fine.
- Ask whether any child has, this week, sought her out.
- Build the slow habitual contexts where friendship grows.
- Resist the engineered playdate.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/eating-lunch-in-the-corner
The Child Who Looks Fine. Her grades are good. Her teachers say she is fine. She is not.
- Take the tiredness and irritability seriously alongside the good marks.
- Sideways in the car: “How are you, separately from how the work is.”
- Do not require her to perform less; ask, openly, how she is.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-child-who-looks-fine

If you want to read further

When Your Child Is Being Bullied. A chapter for parents whose child has named something serious. theparentbook.com/reader/when-your-child-is-being-bullied

Worth your time

A book for you: Daring Greatly, Brené Brown. A research-grounded primer on shame, vulnerability, and parenting. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/daring-greatly-how-the-courage-to-be-vulnerable-transforms-the-way-we-live-love-parent-and-lead-brene-brown/a796c20ea198f920
Something to watch: Improving Teen Mental Health, Lisa Damour, TED. Lisa Damour, whose books are referenced across the adolescent chapters, in conversation on the TED Radio Hour about what the data actually say about teen mental health and what helps families most. www.ted.com/pages/improving-teen-mental-health-with-lisa-damour-transcript

Where else to go

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
NHS 111, and Lifeline in Northern Ireland. The mental health crisis line for your area. Free, confidential and answered twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year. When you or your child is in mental health crisis and it will not wait for a GP appointment. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health optionNorthern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000

YoungMinds. The leading UK youth mental health charity. Their A-Z is the first place I send parents asking about a named concern. When a parent needs a clear, accessible primer on a specific emotional or mental health concern in their child or teen. Default first signpost for the 11-to-18 age range. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk www.youngminds.org.uk/parent
Kooth. Free, anonymous online mental health support for young people, commissioned by the NHS in many areas. The right pointer when a teenager will not talk to a parent. Chapters where the child or young person themselves would benefit from immediate, anonymous online support, particularly teenagers who will not talk to a parent. Check local commissioning before signposting; Kooth is commissioned regionally and not yet universal. Whether it is available where you live depends on your local authority, so it is worth checking first. explore.kooth.com/families
MindEd for Families. NHS-backed e-learning hub written by specialists and parents together. The right pointer for parents who want to go deeper than a charity explainer. When the chapter calls for a substantial primer rather than a short article. Particularly useful for parents who are research-minded and want structured material they can work through. www.minded.org.uk

The full list for low mood, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/low-mood/services

If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If you, or your child, is in mental health crisisNHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child or young person is having thoughts of suicidePapyrus HopeLine 24/7 · 0300 102 2470 · text HOPE to 88247 · 24/7, every day · email pat@papyrus-uk.org · Text and email replies may take up to 24 hours. · www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7.
If your child needs to talk to someone themselvesChildline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at riskNSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999..
If you would prefer to text rather than speakShout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you are struggling yourself and need to talkSamaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.