The Parent Book·From the library
When Reassurance Stops Working
For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around them try.
An eleven-minute read · Published 25 May 2026
Your ten-year-old stops on the front step and says their stomach hurts. You look at the clock, then at their face, then at the clock again. It’s a fluttery feeling and a sick feeling, they tell you, and their chest feels tight. They didn’t do anything different last night, and they don’t know what’s wrong. All they know is that they don’t want to walk to school this morning, and that their body has decided this for them.
You say the sensible things: “You’ll be fine when you get there. It’s just nerves. You had a good day yesterday.” Your child stands on the step, and you can see from their face that they have heard all this before and it didn’t help. You have a meeting at ten.
Some version of this morning comes up often in our work with parents. A child is anxious, a parent has tried with all the love they have to talk their child out of it, and the talking hasn’t worked.
Put it into practice
What this chapter looks like in practice: one-minute ideas for tonight, things to do together and sheets to print and keep.
Quick tipsOne minute each
- When the Worry Will Not SettleAn anxious child rarely tells you they’re worried; it comes out as stomach aches, refusals and repeated questions.
- The Party Your Child Cannot Walk IntoYour child’s stomach ache is real, and pushing them through party after party makes the next one harder.
- The Child Who Looks FineA teenager with good grades and teachers who say everything’s fine can still be anxious and exhausted.
Ten quick tips on this in the library
To do togetherActivities
- Where a feeling sitsOn a plain outline of a body, your child marks where they first notice anger, worry and sadness.About 20 minutes · with a sheet to print
- A way back to the roomA short noticing game, and for younger children a slow breath traced with a finger. Practise them together on calm days, so your child already knows them on a hard one.About 5 minutes · with a sheet to print
- Worry time, not at bedtimeTen minutes at the same time each afternoon for your child’s worries. If one comes up at another time, you listen, write it down and save it for then.About 10 minutes · with a sheet to print
Ten activities on this in the library
To printSheets to keep
The quick tips and activities are for subscribers; the sheets marked free are free to anyone, and the rest come with a subscription. What a subscription includes.
Who else can help
YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm
Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
Anna Freud
The Anna Freud Centre’s family wellbeing resources: careful, research-led reading on children’s emotional development, separation, self-care for parents, and supporting a child through treatment.
Coram Family Lives
A free, confidential helpline for any parenting or family worry, by phone, live chat, WhatsApp or email, staffed by trained family support workers.
0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays
Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258.
coramfamilylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline
