A way into school each morning

The activity

Agree with the school and your child how she gets into school each morning: who meets her, and where she goes first.

What it is for. When getting into school has become hard, a plan agreed in advance means she knows who will meet her, where she can go, what she will do first and how to ask for a break, so each morning starts the same way. It is for the daily arrival; a return after a long absence needs a wider plan with the school.

• The first step. Ask the school for a meeting about how she gets in each morning, and ask for her to be there for at least part of it. Say what you have seen at home, and ask what staff have seen at school.

Safety. Don’t pull, push or drag her through the door, and don’t let anyone else do it. If she can’t go in that day, tell the school, and start again the next day. If someone at school is bullying or frightening her, the plan waits, and it is never used to make her face that person: ask the school that day what it has seen and what it will do. If an adult at school has frightened or hurt her, don’t question her further, and tell the school’s designated safeguarding lead that day.

When to get help. This plan is a way of starting the day, not a treatment. If she has struggled to go to school for several weeks, her mood is flat outside school hours, stomach aches keep coming back, or she is losing sleep or appetite, talk to the school and your GP. Your GP can refer her to children and young people’s mental health services. Where anxiety is the main difficulty, the steps are best planned with help from those services or the school counsellor. If she tells you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she doesn’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If the person hurting her is at school, tell the school’s designated safeguarding lead as well; if the person lives in your home, go straight to children’s social care or the police.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• What to Do When School Is the Problem. For parents whose child has started dreading school.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• School stress. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.