The Child Who Looks Fine

A teenager with good grades and teachers who say everything’s fine can still be anxious and exhausted.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 11 to 18.

Where to start

Take the tiredness and irritability seriously alongside the good marks.
Ask while you’re side by side: “How are you, apart from how your work is going?”
Don’t ask your teenager to perform less; ask them openly how they are.

The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.

Sources

YoungMinds, parents’ guide to anxiety; Anna Freud, family wellbeing resources

It goes with

When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around them try.
Perfectionism. For parents whose child can’t bear to get anything wrong.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Low mood. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

The rest of the library

The Parent Book is a library written by therapists: chapters on the situations parents bring to our therapy rooms most often, quick tips for tonight, things to do together, and every sheet to print. One subscription opens all of it, from the day you join.

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.