The crossings a child makes through childhood, from nursery to reception, from primary to secondary, from sixth form to whatever follows. Each transition asks something of the family system as well as the child. These pages are for the weeks before and the weeks after, when the new shape has not yet settled.
Children handle change better when the adults around them are honest about it rather than relentlessly upbeat. A wobble at a transition is the ordinary cost of a real change.
Say the timetable out loud, in plain terms, including what you do not yet know. Uncertainty a child can name is easier than uncertainty she can only feel.
Keep two or three ordinary rhythms untouched through the change: the bedtime book, the Saturday morning, the same supper on a Tuesday.
Tell the new school, or the old one, what is happening. Someone should be watching who is not you.
What helps
Keep the last week before the change predictable.Resist the urge to fill it with novelty. The nervous system softens toward change when the days leading up to it are familiar. Routine is its own comfort.
Practical anchoring.Walk past the new school. Find the classroom on the website. Lay out the uniform together. The body settles when the unknown becomes a little more known.
Some tips to try
Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.
The First Phone Call Back.She is ringing because she is fine, not because she is not.
Take the call at face value; brief is evidence the transition is going well.
Ask one or two questions; listen; do not perform missing her.
Be available next time she rings, sooner than you expect.
A countdown calendar to the new. Mark the days. Each day, a small thing to look forward to about the new place (an art room, a swimming pool, a particular teacher). Turns the abstract change into a series of small concrete steps.
Two to three weeks before the move, make a simple paper calendar. A grid of squares, one per day until the change.
In each square, write or draw one small concrete thing about the new place. The school colour. The name of the head. A subject they will study. A facility they will use. The way the lunch hall works.
Each morning at breakfast (or each evening at supper), look at the day’s square together. A 30-second conversation.
Make some of the squares about the practical (the route to the new school, the time of the bus). Others about the more interesting (the art room, a particular class they will have).
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Your child’s school.The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps.Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
Your GP.The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
Place2Be.School-based counselling charity. Their Parenting Smart articles are written by school-based counsellors and are my default for primary-age concerns.When the chapter is about primary-age (5-to-11) social or emotional concerns, particularly anything school-anchored. The Parenting Smart articles on friendship, behaviour and routines are the strongest sub-resource.parentingsmart.place2be.org.uk
YoungMinds.The leading UK youth mental health charity. Their A-Z is the first place I send parents asking about a named concern.When a parent needs a clear, accessible primer on a specific emotional or mental health concern in their child or teen. Default first signpost for the 11-to-18 age range.Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.ukwww.youngminds.org.uk/parent
NCT (National Childbirth Trust).The UK’s leading early-years charity. The right line for families in the pregnancy and under-fives years, including the toddler tantrums, toilet training, language development, and the early aggression that the very-young-child tips hold.Quick tips and chapters across the 2-5 years cluster. NCT’s parent-facing resources are calm, evidence-anchored, and the cleanest UK source we know for the developmental sequence of the early years. The Infant Feeding Line holds the breastfeeding and early-feeding territory specifically.Charged at your standard call rate, not free.NCT Infant Feeding Line and Parent Support 0300 330 0700 · Daily 8am-midnight (Infant Feeding Line)www.nct.org.uk
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.