The chapter to start with
The 11+ Year
For parents whose child is preparing for school entrance exams.
15 min read · Ages 8 to 11
School and pressure
Transitions
This covers the moves a child makes through childhood: from nursery to reception, from primary to secondary, and from sixth form to whatever comes next. Each change asks something of the whole family as well as the child. These pages are for parents in the weeks before and after, while the new routine settles.
What to do first, what helps and who else can help are free to read and to print.
What the library holds on transitions
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
Children handle change better when the adults around them are honest about it and aren’t relentlessly upbeat. A wobble at a transition is normal; it’s what a real change costs.
- Go through the timetable out loud, in plain terms, including what you don’t know yet. Uncertainty a child can put into words is easier for them than uncertainty they can only feel.
- Keep two or three family routines exactly as they are through the change: the bedtime book, Saturday mornings, the same supper on the same night each week.
- Tell the new school, or the old one, what’s happening, so that someone other than you is keeping an eye on your child.
From the chapters
What helps
Keep the last week before the change predictable
Don’t fill it with new things. A child accepts a change more easily when the days leading up to it are familiar, and routine is comforting in itself.
Get to know what’s coming
Walk past the new school, find the classroom on the website and lay out the uniform together. Children settle as the unknown becomes a little more familiar.
Chapters
7 on transitions
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
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The Move to Secondary SchoolFor parents whose child is about to go from being one of the oldest at school to one of the youngest.
18 min read
Ages 9 to 16 -
When the Best Friend Moves OnFor parents whose child’s best friend has drifted away, with no falling-out to explain it.
13 min read
Ages 8 to 11 -
When They Stop Talking to YouFor parents whose teenager hardly talks to them any more.
13 min read
Ages 11 to 18 - When a Child Is GrievingFor parents whose child has lost someone, or something, that was there last week. 10 min read
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Anxiety, by AgeFor parents of a child whose worry has started to make decisions for them, with what helps at each age and when to ask for help.
15 min read
Ages 11 to 18 - Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the SchoolFor parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them. 11 min read
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
31 on transitions
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Family transitions
The First Phone Call Back
A short, slightly distracted first call from university is a good sign that your child is settling in.
Try this
- Take the call at face value; a brief call is a good sign.
Family transitions
The Week Before Your Child Leaves
The week before your child leaves for university is one of the hardest; do less than you think it needs.
Try this
- Do less than you think the week needs.
Family transitions
Leaving the House Your Child Loved
Give your child time to say goodbye to the places they loved before the boxes go.
Try this
- Photograph the doorframe, the garden corner and the view from your child’s window.
More quick tips on transitions
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Family transitions
School Re-entry After a Long Absence
After a long absence, your child’s place at school is still there, but stepping back into it takes planning.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 13
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School & pressure
Talking About the Apprenticeship Route
An apprenticeship deserves the same care you’d give to choosing a university.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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School & pressure
The PE Kit Left on the Bus
Pack the bag together for a few weeks, then hand the job to your child on a date you’ve set.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 13
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School & pressure
The Question at the School Gate
In the first weeks at a new school, children are often too tired to answer questions at the gate.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 13
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Family transitions
The Year Out Conversation
A year out is your teenager’s decision to make; your part is to ask them calmly what they are thinking.
2 min read · Ages 16 and over
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Family transitions
The First 48 Hours Back
After a long time apart, everyone at home has changed a little, and nobody wants to say so.
2 min read
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School & pressure
When Exam Prep Takes Over the House
Put the admissions file away three evenings a week, so your child isn’t doing the test for two people.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 11
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School & pressure
When Your Teenager Is Not Going to University
If your teenager decides not to go to university, treat it as their decision and ask what they want instead.
2 min read · Ages 13 and over
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Family transitions
When Your Child Is Eighteen and the Doctors Cannot Tell You Everything
The doctors can always listen to what you’ve seen, even when they can’t tell you about your child’s care.
2 min read · Ages 18 and over
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School & pressure
Say What You Have Noticed
When you ring the school, describe what you’ve seen, with dates, so staff know what to look for.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 16
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Friendships & social life
The Friend of the First Fortnight
Many September friendships loosen by half-term, and usually neither child has done anything wrong.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 13
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Big feelings
The Things Children Grieve
Children grieve more things, and more often, than adults give them credit for.
2 min read
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School & pressure
When Your Child Cries at Drop-Off
Say goodbye the same short way every morning, and hand your child to an adult they know.
2 min read · Under 7
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Family transitions
When Your Teenager Wants to See the GP Without You
Seeing a doctor on their own is part of growing up; know what stays private, what doesn’t, and how you can still help.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Family transitions
The Step-Sibling First Meeting
To a child, a new step-sibling is a stranger, so keep the first meeting short and low-key.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 13
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Home And Belonging
The Summer Trip Back
A visit to the country you left can unsettle a second-generation child; don’t make it a test they can fail.
1 min read · Ages 7 to 16
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Family transitions
The Wedding the Children Are In
Let your child choose the part they play in the wedding.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 16
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Family dynamics
When the Placement Ends
A placement ending is a real loss for carer and child, and it doesn’t always end the relationship.
2 min read
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Home And Belonging
When Your Child Asks Where Home Is
A child who has moved between countries may ask where home is; answer with more than one place.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 16
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Neurodiversity
Plan B, Agreed in Advance
For an autistic child, a change they have heard about in advance is easier to manage, so build a plan B into every plan.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 11
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Family transitions
The Diary Across Two Houses
A child living between two homes has a lot to keep track of, so give them a shared diary.
1 min read · Ages 5 to 11
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Family transitions
The Teenager Who Refuses the New Family
A teenager who won’t engage with a new stepfamily is rarely being difficult on purpose.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Friendships & social life
When the Best Friend Drifts
When a best friendship slowly fades, it’s usually part of growing up, and it helps to say you’ve noticed.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 11
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Family transitions
When the New Partner Meets Your Child
Before your child meets a new partner, tell them plainly who this person is, and keep the first meeting short.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 13
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School & pressure
When Your Child Cannot Face Going Into School
Staying away from school can make a child’s anxiety about going in worse, so start working with the school early.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Family transitions
Your Child’s Side of the Handover
The moments either side of a handover are easier when your child’s things are already in both homes, the goodbye is predictable, and no questions are asked the minute they walk in.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 13
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School & pressure
The Day the GCSE Results Came
Whatever your teenager’s GCSE grades, respond warmly, and if the results are disappointing, leave decisions for another day.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Friendships & social life
A First Heartbreak
A first heartbreak is real grief, so take it seriously.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
7 on transitions
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 30 min
A page about me, for a new teacher
Before a new class or a new school, your child tells their teacher, in their own words, what they enjoy, what they find hard and what helps. You write it down together and hand it in.
What it is for. A new teacher starts the year not knowing what helped your child last year. YoungMinds advises telling school staff early what a child finds difficult and what helps. A page in your child’s own words does that before term starts, and gives them a say in what their new teacher is told about them.
- The first step Choose a calm afternoon a week or two before the new class or school starts, and ask: “Your new teacher doesn’t know you yet. Shall we make a page for them about what helps you?”
Safety. Medical needs, such as allergies, asthma or medicines, go to the school from you directly and not on your child’s page, so that the right people have them. The page has your child’s name and perhaps their photograph on it. Hand it in or send it by school email, and don’t post it anywhere public.
When to get help. If, several weeks into the year, your child is dreading school, has stomach aches on school mornings or says the teacher doesn’t understand them, talk to their class teacher and, if your child has or may have special educational needs, the SENCo. If the stomach aches keep coming back, or your child’s sleep, eating or mood have changed and not changed back, talk to your GP as well. If what your child writes or says suggests that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.
The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
More to do together
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To do together
Marking the ending
In the last weeks at a school, offer your child a few pages for what they will miss, and perhaps a card for a teacher. It is up to your child, and they keep what they make.
About 30 min · Ages 5 to 13 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
The route, twice, and the map
Before term, do the route once together and once with your child leading, and draw the few rooms that matter.
Two trips, and an afternoon · Ages 9 to 13 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
Their first appointment on their own
Help your teenager get ready for a GP appointment and book it, then step back in stages until they can manage it alone.
About 30 min · Ages 13 to 18 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
A day with no 11+ in it
One day a week, and a few evenings, with no papers, no practice and no talk of the test. Keep it most weeks, and let it go when a week slips.
A day, and three evenings · Ages 9 to 16 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
A way into school each morning
Agree with the school and your child how they get into school each morning: who meets them, and where they go first.
About 30 min · Ages 7 to 16 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
A story about what will happen
Before something new, such as the dentist or a new classroom, write a short story with your child about what usually happens there, and read it together in the days before.
About 20 min · Under 11 · With a sheet to print
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
42 on transitions
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to transitions
What to do first, what helps, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with transitions, on a sheet of its own.
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After a mock
For the fridge · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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A day with no 11+ in it
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
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Time alone with each child
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
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Getting it wrong
Cards to cut out · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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The new place
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
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Before you ring the school
For a call or a meeting · A4 · Free
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Packing from the timetable
For the fridge · A4 landscape · With a subscription
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What I will miss
To keep · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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The school day, drawn as a line
To make together · A4 landscape, two pages · With a subscription
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The move to secondary school, for a parents’ evening
For a parents’ evening · A4, five pages · Free
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A page about me
To fill in together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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The door list
For the door · A4 · With a subscription
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The friendship map
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
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The first hour home
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
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My words for that moment
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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When a friend comes round
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
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Talking, side by side
Cards to cut out · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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The walk with no agenda
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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Jobs in the kitchen, by age
For the kitchen · A4 · With a subscription
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Before you see the GP about your child
For an appointment · A4, two sides · Free
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Solving it together
To fill in together · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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Before my appointment
For an appointment · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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A box for the memories
To fill in together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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The hard days in the year
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
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Where a feeling sits
To make together · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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A way back to the room
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut, two sides · With a subscription
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Worry time
To fill in together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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Before the SENCo meeting
For a meeting · A4 · Free
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Three reports, side by side
For a meeting · A4 landscape · Free
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First this, then that
Cards to cut out · A4, four cards to cut, two sides · With a subscription
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The day, in pictures
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
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Enough for today
For the fridge · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
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My energy account
To fill in together · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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A story about what will happen
To make together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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The return-to-school meeting
For a meeting · A4 · Free
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What to say: school and friends
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · Free
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What to say: loss and change
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · With a subscription
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Telling the children
For the grown-ups · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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A week across two homes
For the fridge · A4 landscape, two pages · With a subscription
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A way into school each morning
For a meeting · A4, two pages · With a subscription
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What to say: growing up
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · With a subscription
Books and reading
35 on transitions
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 8
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Middle School Matters Phyllis L. Fagell Drawing on years of work in schools, Phyllis Fagell guides parents through ages 10 to 14, including the move to secondary school, friendship upheaval, good decision-making and learning from failure.
Also on this shelf
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Third Culture Kids David C. Pollock, Ruth E. Van Reken and Michael V. Pollock
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Understanding 4-5-Year-Olds Lesley Maroni
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You and Your Adult Child Laurence Steinberg
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How to Grow a Grown Up Dominique Thompson and Fabienne Vailes
And three more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 24
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I Am Too Absolutely Small for School Lauren Child · Ages 3 to 6 Lola is sure she is too small for school, and her big brother Charlie answers each worry with patience and humour. A funny, reassuring book for the months before a child starts Reception. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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The Koala Who Could Rachel Bright · Ages 3 to 6
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Moving House Anne Civardi · Ages 2 to 5
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Starting School Janet and Allan Ahlberg · Ages 3 to 5
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There’s Going to Be a Baby John Burningham · Ages 2 to 5
And 19 more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read online 3
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Place2Be
Helping your child prepare for Secondary or High School
Why the move to secondary school is hard for some children and for parents, planning-ahead activities for the summer before, and good moments to check in during the first term.
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Place2Be
Helping your child when they start or change primary school
Preparing a young child for starting school or moving schools: what they might feel, how to talk about it beforehand, and how to handle the first weeks of goodbyes.
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YoungMinds
Transitions and times of change
Covers every kind of change, from school moves and family changes to friendship loss and identity, why change can be so hard, and extra support for neurodivergent children.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
6 on transitions
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 3
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Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Let’s Talk Back-to-School
Why a new school year unsettles children and parents alike, why younger behaviour can come back, and routines that keep things steady.
Also on this shelf
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Parenting Teenagers Untangled
Starting Secondary School: How to Help Your Child With Friends, Homework & the Big Transition
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Kerry Godliman with Dr Charlotte Armitage (BBC Bitesize)
Bitesize Parenting Teens
Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 3
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YouTube · 4 min
Moving Up! The transition to secondary school
Anna Freud, YouTube
An animation for Year 6 and 7 pupils about the move to secondary school, the worries that are normal and what helps. Good to watch together in the summer before.
Also on this shelf
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YouTube · 2 min
9 Tips for Parenting Pre-Teens
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
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YouTube · 2 min
Help your child manage separations and goodbyes | Place2Be’s Parenting Smart
Place2Be, YouTube
Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
Most transitions are handled best by the two institutions on either side of them. Tell both schools what you are seeing; they will have seen it before.
Where to start
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Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
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Private therapy, if you can meet the cost
A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with.
When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out in our guide to finding a therapist.
For transitions
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Place2Be
Parenting Smart, written by the child mental health specialists who work in primary schools: short, practical articles and films on friendships, behaviour, worries and routines.
For a child of five to eleven, when you want something you can read in ten minutes and try tonight. Place2Be’s counselling itself is only through partner schools.
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YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line.
Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
Every organisation for transitions, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist