When She Is Eighteen and the Doctors Cannot Tell You Everything

Where to start

• While she is well, ask who she’d want told if she became unwell, and what.
• If you’re worried, tell her GP or her team what you’ve seen.
• What you can always do is tell them what you’ve seen. The same guidance says doctors should not refuse to listen to a family’s concerns on grounds of confidentiality, and so does a government statement on suicide prevention in England. They may tell her you were in touch, and may neither confirm nor deny what you tell them. You can also ask for general information, such as how to get help in a crisis.
• Doctors are told to ask patients this and to record the answer, so suggest she tells her GP and anyone treating her.
• If she tells you she has hurt herself, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: help her ask her surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line for the nation she is in, not the one you are calling from. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
• If she is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if she seems well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour. If you’re calling from elsewhere, give the operator her full address.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

• The Conversations Parents Avoid. For parents who need to tell their child something hard and don’t know how to start.
• When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around her try.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• General mental health. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Transitions. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.