The reorganisation of a family that does not stop being a family. The week the parents told the children, the two-house life, the new partner, the long arc of the years after. The pages here are not for the moment of decision. They are for the slow work of holding a child through it.
Children do not, in the research or in our consulting room, come to harm from separation itself. They come to harm from being in the middle of a conflict they cannot leave. That distinction is the whole of your job this year.
Tell them together, if you possibly can, in plain words, and say the three things they are actually asking: this is not your fault, you are not losing either of us, and here is what happens next week.
Keep one household rhythm identical across both homes. Bedtime is the one that carries the most.
Tell the school this week, so the adults around your child are watching. Then say nothing to the children about the adult argument, however unfair that feels.
Some tips to try
Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.
Telling the Children About the Separation.The conversation she will remember is the second one, not the first.
Have the conversation together, in one room, calmly and briefly.
Tell her she is loved and that nothing she did caused this.
Expect the conversation she remembers to be the second one, in the car.
This is not, in the first instance, a medical problem, so the first calls are not medical. Tell the school, so the adults around your child are watching. Get the practical layer moving. See the GP if your child’s distress persists beyond the weeks around the change itself.
Your child’s school.The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps.Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
A family mediator.Mediators help two parents reach their own arrangements about children and money, without going to court. In most cases you have to attend a first meeting about mediation before a court will hear you.Early, and before positions harden. The Family Mediation Council lists accredited mediators by area.www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk
Family Lives.A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child.When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity.Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.ukwww.familylives.org.uk
Gingerbread.The UK charity for single parents. The first signpost for any chapter where the family structure itself is part of the concern.Any chapter about single parenting, co-parenting after separation, or where the family structure is shaping the concern. Helpline good for practical and emotional questions both.The advice service closed on 1 April 2025. The online information remains. · Webchat via websitewww.gingerbread.org.uk
Resolution.The UK family-law professionals' body, committed to a non-confrontational and constructive approach to family disputes. Members (lawyers, mediators, financial advisers, family therapists) sign up to a Code of Practice that prioritises children’s interests.Quick tips and chapters on co-parenting, blended-family arrangements, the wedding the children are in, the rules that vary across two homes. Resolution’s parent-facing resources hold this territory with care. The membership directory is the right route for families looking for a family lawyer or mediator who works under the Code of Practice.The material on the site is free. Engaging a member for legal work is not.resolution.org.uk
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.