Separation and divorce

Where to start

This is not, in the first instance, a medical problem, so the first calls are not medical. Tell the school, so the adults around your child are watching. Get the practical layer moving. See the GP if your child’s distress persists beyond the weeks around the change itself.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• A family mediator. Mediators help two parents reach their own arrangements about children and money, without going to court. In most cases you have to attend a first meeting about mediation before a court will hear you. Early, and before positions harden. The Family Mediation Council lists accredited mediators by area. www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk
• Citizens Advice. Free, independent advice on the practical layer: housing, benefits, debt, employment, and your rights when a family separates. When the worry is partly a practical problem wearing an emotional coat. Solving the practical part often lowers the temperature at home more than anything else will. www.citizensadvice.org.uk
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For separation and divorce

• Family Lives. A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child. When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity. Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.uk www.familylives.org.uk
• Gingerbread. The UK charity for single parents. The first signpost for any chapter where the family structure itself is part of the concern. Any chapter about single parenting, co-parenting after separation, or where the family structure is shaping the concern. Helpline good for practical and emotional questions both. The advice service closed on 1 April 2025. The online information remains. · Webchat via website www.gingerbread.org.uk
• Resolution. The UK family-law professionals' body, committed to a non-confrontational and constructive approach to family disputes. Members (lawyers, mediators, financial advisers, family therapists) sign up to a Code of Practice that prioritises children’s interests. Quick tips and chapters on co-parenting, blended-family arrangements, the wedding the children are in, the rules that vary across two homes. Resolution’s parent-facing resources hold this territory with care. The membership directory is the right route for families looking for a family lawyer or mediator who works under the Code of Practice. The material on the site is free. Engaging a member for legal work is not. resolution.org.uk

If you are now parenting on your own

• Gingerbread. The UK charity for single parents. The first signpost for any chapter where the family structure itself is part of the concern. Any chapter about single parenting, co-parenting after separation, or where the family structure is shaping the concern. Helpline good for practical and emotional questions both. The advice service closed on 1 April 2025. The online information remains. · Webchat via website www.gingerbread.org.uk

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in the room at 23 Kensington Square, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.