Co-parenting

The work of raising a child with another adult, sometimes a partner, sometimes a former partner, sometimes a step-parent, sometimes a parent across two cultures. These pages are for the small disagreements that become large ones, and for the steadier ground a child needs both adults to stand on.

Everything the library holds on this, on one page. The whole of it is at theparentbook.com/help/co-parenting

If this is happening right now

You do not have to like each other, or agree, to co-parent well. You have to be predictable. Children can hold two different households; they struggle to hold two warring ones.

Move the logistics off the child. A shared calendar, or a written handover message, so she is never the one carrying information between you.
Pick the two rules that will be identical in both homes and let the rest differ. Trying to match everything is how co-parenting fails.
Where you are stuck, take it to a mediator rather than to the child, or to a solicitor. The Family Mediation Council lists accredited mediators by area.

Some tips to try

Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.

Telling the Children About the Separation. The conversation she will remember is the second one, not the first.
- Have the conversation together, in one room, calmly and briefly.
- Tell her she is loved and that nothing she did caused this.
- Expect the conversation she remembers to be the second one, in the car.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/telling-them-together-where-you-can
The Diary Across Two Houses. Half-term across two homes is the geography she is learning.
- Print a colour-coded week on the fridge at her eye level.
- Map half-terms and holidays before the term begins, not the week of.
- Tell her in advance about changes; do not make her hold the schedule.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-diary-across-two-houses
The Handover at the Door. The doorway is for the child. The longer conversation between adults goes elsewhere.
- Keep the doorway exchange to the practical facts and goodbye.
- Save longer adult conversations for text or evening.
- Make the handover boring on purpose.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-handover-at-the-door

If you want to read further

When Parents Separate. A chapter for parents in the middle of a separation, watching their child. theparentbook.com/reader/separating-what-your-child-is-doing-with-it

Worth your time

A book for you: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did), Philippa Perry. UK psychotherapist on the patterns adults bring into their parenting from their own childhoods. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-book-you-wish-your-parents-had-read-and-your-children-will-be-glad-that-you-did-philippa-perry/a6a2e35cfe3e5728

Where else to go

The route that helps most here is usually the one that lowers the conflict, not the one that treats the child. Mediation first.

A family mediator. Mediators help two parents reach their own arrangements about children and money, without going to court. In most cases you have to attend a first meeting about mediation before a court will hear you. Early, and before positions harden. The Family Mediation Council lists accredited mediators by area. www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk
Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.

Resolution. The UK family-law professionals' body, committed to a non-confrontational and constructive approach to family disputes. Members (lawyers, mediators, financial advisers, family therapists) sign up to a Code of Practice that prioritises children’s interests. Quick tips and chapters on co-parenting, blended-family arrangements, the wedding the children are in, the rules that vary across two homes. Resolution’s parent-facing resources hold this territory with care. The membership directory is the right route for families looking for a family lawyer or mediator who works under the Code of Practice. The material on the site is free. Engaging a member for legal work is not. resolution.org.uk
Gingerbread. The UK charity for single parents. The first signpost for any chapter where the family structure itself is part of the concern. Any chapter about single parenting, co-parenting after separation, or where the family structure is shaping the concern. Helpline good for practical and emotional questions both. The advice service closed on 1 April 2025. The online information remains. · Webchat via website www.gingerbread.org.uk
Family Lives. A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child. When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity. Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.uk www.familylives.org.uk

The full list for co-parenting, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/co-parenting/services

If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If you, or your child, is in mental health crisisNHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child or young person is having thoughts of suicidePapyrus HopeLine 24/7 · 0300 102 2470 · text HOPE to 88247 · 24/7, every day · email pat@papyrus-uk.org · Text and email replies may take up to 24 hours. · www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7.
If your child needs to talk to someone themselvesChildline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at riskNSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999..
If you would prefer to text rather than speakShout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you are struggling yourself and need to talkSamaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.