When Your Child Does Not Want to Go

Where to start

• Ask when nothing is packed: “What’s the hard part about going?”
• If your child says anything that suggests they aren’t safe there, report it to children’s social care that day.
• Take practical worries to the other parent yourself, and don’t argue where your child can hear.
• If what your child tells you suggests they aren’t safe there, or that someone there is hurting them, it is a safeguarding matter. Stay calm, thank your child for telling you, tell them it isn’t their fault, and do not promise to keep it secret. Don’t confront anyone they say is hurting them; the NSPCC’s advice is that it could make things worse for your child. Write down what your child said as soon as you can, keeping as close to their words as possible.
• Report it that day to children’s social care for the area where your child lives, which is the route both Cafcass and Action for Children give. Get advice before you send your child back, and if there is a court order, get legal advice before you change the arrangements. There is a helpline for any adult worried about a child. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free. If your child is in danger now, use the routes below, which include one they can use themselves.

The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.

Sources

Action for Children, Advice if your child worries about seeing their other parent, and Help if you’re worried your child isn’t safe with their other parent; Gingerbread, Child contact arrangements; Cafcass, Top tips and factsheets for parents and carers; NSPCC, What to do if a child reveals abuse

It goes with

• When Parents Separate. For parents in the middle of a separation who are watching closely to see how their child is coping.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

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• Co-parenting. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.