The Parent Book·From the library
When Parents Separate
For parents in the middle of a separation who are watching closely to see how their child is coping.
A thirteen-minute read · Published 25 May 2026
On a Sunday evening, an eight-year-old is putting her things into the small wheeled suitcase she now keeps half-packed by the door. Over six months she has learned which jumper is at which house, which toothbrush stays with which parent, and which book she’ll be allowed to finish later in the week. She doesn’t complain. But on this particular Sunday she asks her father whether the cat will be alright while she’s gone, and her father has noticed that this is the kind of question she asks instead of the one she means.
Her father has kept it together for most of the day, and somehow the question knocks the legs out from under him. He sits on the bottom stair and watches his daughter wheel the suitcase to the door. The cat is fine. The child is asking about something else.
Parents often come to us with some version of this Sunday evening. Every family’s arrangements are different, and the grief shows itself in different ways, but it’s the same grief. The parent in the room with us is more tired than they knew it was possible to be. They’re grieving, though they aren’t supposed to call it grief. They’re watching their child more closely than they have ever watched another human being, and trying to work out whether anything they do this week will be the thing their child brings up in therapy at thirty.
Put it into practice
What this chapter looks like in practice: one-minute ideas for tonight, things to do together and sheets to print and keep.
Quick tipsOne minute each
- Telling the Children About the SeparationA child usually remembers the second conversation about a separation, when they ask what’s been on their mind.
- The Handover at the DoorKeep the handover at the door short and factual, and have the adult conversations somewhere else.
- The School Holiday You Are Doing AloneThe summer holiday as the only parent is draining, so plan for what you can keep up.
Nineteen quick tips on this in the library
To do togetherActivities
- Running the moment throughOn a calm day, you play the other child and your child tries out what they might say. Keep it short and light, and do it once or twice at most.About 10 minutes · with a sheet to print
- The week on the fridgeYour child’s week across two homes, drawn in colour together and put up at their eye level, so that they do not have to keep it all in their head.About 30 minutes · with a sheet to print
- The last half-hour before bedChoose the last half-hour before bed with your child, write it down in order and put it on the fridge. Then do it in that order most nights, slowly.About 30 minutes · with a sheet to print
Four activities on this in the library
To printSheets to keep
The quick tips and activities are for subscribers, and so are the sheets to print. What a subscription includes.
Who else can help
Gingerbread
The charity for single parents.
The advice service closed on 1 April 2025. No helpline or webchat.
Coram Family Lives
A free, confidential helpline for any parenting or family worry, by phone, live chat, WhatsApp or email, staffed by trained family support workers.
0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays
Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258.
coramfamilylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline
Anna Freud
The Anna Freud Centre’s family wellbeing resources: careful, research-led reading on children’s emotional development, separation, self-care for parents, and supporting a child through treatment.
