The week on the fridge

The activity

Her week across two homes, drawn in colour with her and put up at her eye level, so that she does not have to keep it all in her head.

What it is for. A child living between two homes often keeps the week in her head: which house, which night, who collects. If the adults keep it on paper where she can see it, she does not have to.

• The first step. Agree the dates between the adults first, where you can, and not in front of her. The sheet shows what has been decided.

Safety. Where there are safety concerns about contact, keep addresses and details off the sheet, and do not post photographs of it. If it moves to her phone, share it only with the adults, and check that it shows no location.

When to get help. Some upset around handovers is a normal part of grief and change, and so is some reluctance to leave either home. If she seems frightened to go, notice what she says in her own words, do not question her or ask her to choose, and talk to your GP or her school. If she comes back hurt, tells you that someone is hurting her in either home, or tells you that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If she is withdrawing from friends or school, or her mood has been low for several weeks, talk to your GP and her school.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: A week across two homes.

It goes with

• When Parents Separate. For parents in the middle of a separation who are watching closely to see how their child is coping.
• When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around her try.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Separation and divorce. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Co-parenting. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.