The week on the fridge

The activity

Your child’s week across two homes, drawn in colour together and put up at their eye level, so that they do not have to keep it all in their head.

What it is for. A child living between two homes often keeps the week in their head: which house, which night, who collects. If the adults keep it on paper where your child can see it, your child does not have to.

• The first step. Agree the dates between the adults first, where you can, and not in front of your child. The sheet shows what has been decided.

Safety. Where there are safety concerns about contact, keep addresses and details off the sheet, and do not post photographs of it. If it moves to your child’s phone, share it only with the adults, and check that it shows no location.

When to get help. Some upset around handovers is a normal part of grief and change, and so is some reluctance to leave either home. If your child seems frightened to go to one home, notice what they say in their own words, do not question them or ask them to choose, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child comes back hurt, or tells you that someone is hurting them in either home, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the same routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child is withdrawing from friends or school, or their mood has been low for several weeks, talk to your GP and their school.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: A week across two homes.

It goes with

• When Parents Separate. For parents in the middle of a separation who are watching closely to see how their child is coping.
• When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around them try.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Separation and divorce. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Co-parenting. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.