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← Everything on low mood

The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
What helps
Low mood

Low mood

Low mood is a flatness that isn’t quite depression and isn’t nothing either: a child who talks less than they did, a teenager who has stopped wanting things, a friendship group that has thinned, a bed that’s harder to get out of. These pages are for the parent learning to recognise it without labelling it too quickly.

What the library says about this, in one place. It is also online at theparentbook.com/help/low-mood

What to do first

Low mood in a child rarely looks like sadness. More often it’s flatness, irritability, a dropped hobby or a longer lie-in. Noticing it is the hard part, and you’ve done that.

  1. Make sure one thing happens every day that gets your child out of their room and next to another person: a walk to the shop, the dog, the washing up alongside you. It isn’t meant to be a conversation.
  2. Say it out loud, without a solution attached: “You’ve seemed flat for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about you.” Then wait for your child.
  3. See the GP within the fortnight. Persistent low mood in a young person is treatable and the waiting is the part that does harm.

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

  • When Nothing Makes Your Child Laugh Any More. A child with low mood often keeps going to school and doing their homework, but stops enjoying things.
    • Sit on your child’s bed for five minutes with no agenda.
    • If they’ve been this flat for more than a fortnight, or you’re worried, ring the GP.
    • If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
    • If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour.
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/the-quiet-one-at-the-table
  • When Your Seventeen-Year-Old Is Low. If your teenager has been flat for more than a fortnight, ask how they are, and help them see the GP on their own terms.
    • If your teenager has been flat for more than a fortnight, or you’re worried, see the GP.
    • Warn them the GP should ask about drink, drugs and self-harm, and should offer to see them alone.
    • Tell the GP what you’ve seen; they can listen even if they can’t tell you anything.
    • The GP can refer them to children and young people’s mental health services (CAMHS), usually until they are 18.
    • In some parts of England they can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies from 16, and their school or college may have a counsellor.
    • They can ask the GP to keep what they say from you. Doctors should still share information without your teenager’s agreement where that’s needed to protect them from serious harm, and the General Medical Council’s guidance gives self-harm as an example. The GP can always listen to what you’ve seen.
    • The NHS says older children who are depressed may misuse drugs or alcohol, so tell the GP about any drinking or drug use. Warn your teenager beforehand that the doctor should ask about drink, drugs, self-harm and suicidal thoughts, and should offer to see them alone first.
    • If your teenager has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/the-seventeen-year-old-who-has-gone-quiet
  • When Everything Is Boring. Boredom can be a sign of low mood when it takes in almost everything, friends included, and lasts a fortnight or more.
    • Notice whether it’s one thing that bores your child, or everything, friends included.
    • If they’ve been flat for a fortnight or more, or you’re worried at any point, see the GP.
    • Children of this age sometimes say, in passing, that they wish they weren’t here. Take it seriously every time. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
    • If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour.
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-everything-is-boring

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

A plan for a bad day, made in a good week. A one-page plan, made calmly with your children: who they can call, who does the school run, and what you say to each other on a hard day.

What it is for. This is for a parent living with low mood, anxiety or another condition that comes and goes. A bad day is easier on everyone when the family has already thought about what happens on one.

  • The first step. Choose a good week to do this, and a calm time within it.
  • Agree one rule for an emergency, and keep it simple: if they cannot wake you, you are hurt, or they think you are in danger, they call for emergency help first and ring the adult named on the plan second. For anything else, they ring that adult. Say plainly that looking after you is not their job; the rule is only about fetching help.

Safety. The printable carries only the emergency route; the names and numbers of the adults who can help are for you to write in together.

When to get help. If you are not safe, or not sure you can keep yourself or someone else safe, do not wait for the plan: use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page, straight away. For everything else, the GP is the first step, and in England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

Worth your time

Who else can help

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

  • YoungMinds. The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about. When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not. www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline
  • NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers. The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings. When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents
  • Soluna by Kooth. Confidential online support for young people, free in the areas where the NHS or the council funds it: articles, moderated forums and drop-in text chat with a qualified practitioner. For a teenager who will not talk to you but might talk to someone. Whether it is available depends on where you live; they check at sign-up. explore.kooth.com/families

The full list for low mood, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/low-mood/services

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.