When Your Child Is Self-Harming

Parents find out about self-harm in different ways. Some see a mark they weren’t meant to see. Some get a call from school, or from another parent whose child has been told. Some are told by their child. However it happened, you’re probably reading this after the first night, or while you wait for a GP appointment, and trying to work out what it means.

This chapter is for the weeks after the first night: what self-harm is, what helps, and what the GP, CAMHS and the school will do.

Self-harm is common in teenagers. The national guideline on self-harm, from NICE, cites a study in which 7.3 per cent of girls and 3.6 per cent of boys aged eleven to sixteen had self-harmed or attempted suicide at some point. Among seventeen to nineteen year olds, the figures were 21.5 per cent of girls and 9.7 per cent of boys. The guideline adds that only a minority of people who self-harm go to hospital with it, and that figures like these are unreliable because self-harm is sometimes hidden.

If your first conversation with your child didn’t go the way you wanted, you can go back to it. The quick tip on that first conversation, in the library’s quick tips, is the place to start, and there’s more on putting things right later in this chapter.

What self-harm is

The NHS describes self-harm as when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body. The national guideline’s definition is wider: “intentional self-poisoning or injury irrespective of the apparent purpose of the act”. So it counts as self-harm whatever your child meant by it, and it includes taking something to hurt themselves as well as injuring themselves.

It’s often a way of coping with feelings that have become too much. People give different reasons for it: to express or cope with emotional distress, to feel in control, to punish themselves, to relieve distress that feels unbearable, as a cry for help, or in response to intrusive thoughts. Some young people do it to feel something when they feel numb.

It’s hard to give up because it works, for a short while. The relief doesn’t last: as the feelings build up again, so does the urge, and the shame, confusion or fear that can follow are more feelings to manage.

What sets it off varies. The common causes of the distress behind self-harm include being bullied, pressure at school, family arguments, low self-esteem, stress, anxiety or depression, confusion about sexuality, grief, and abuse. If you think someone may be hurting your child, act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page; if that person may live with your child, in either home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. Each young person self-harms for their own reasons, and the reasons can change from one time to the next. You may not find a single cause, and your teenager may not be able to give you one.

It’s rarely done for attention. Sift, a charity that supports people affected by self-harm, says that self-harm doesn’t happen “for attention” or “for no reason”, and that most people who self-harm go to great lengths to hide it. The NHS asks people not to call it attention-seeking. Nor is it a phase to wait out; YoungMinds lists “it’s just a phase” among the things to avoid saying.

Boys self-harm too, as the figures above show, and Sift points out that assumptions about who self-harms can stop young people being taken seriously. On average, teenage boys are less likely than girls to talk about how they feel or to ask for help themselves, so if you have a son, ask him how he is, plainly, and don’t take one “fine” as the answer.

Self-harm and suicide are different things, and they are connected. Sift says that for many people self-harm is about trying to cope and isn’t about wanting to die, and the NHS says some people describe it as a way of staying alive. But the NHS also says there’s evidence of a clear link between self-harm and suicide or suicidal thoughts, and young men are more likely than young women to die by suicide. So if you haven’t already asked your child plainly whether they’re thinking about suicide, ask. YoungMinds is clear that talking about suicidal thoughts won’t increase your child’s risk or put ideas in their head, and it suggests using the word itself.

If your child says yes, stay as steady as you can, thank them for telling you, and do not promise to keep it secret. Tell them you are going to get them some help, and that they are not in trouble. Then act that day: ask for an urgent GP appointment or, if the surgery is closed, use the 111 route under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page. If they are in immediate danger, call 999. Until help is in place, stay close to them, and keep all medicines, including ones bought over the counter, and any alcohol, out of easy reach. The step-by-step guide to that conversation, on the urgent help page, takes you through it question by question.

Why asking your child to promise doesn’t work

Once the first shock has passed, you’ll probably want two things: for it to stop, and your child’s promise that it will. The step-by-step guide for an injury, on the urgent help page, tells you not to ask for that promise, and gives the reason in a sentence.

If self-harm is how your teenager gets through a feeling that’s too much, a promise to stop takes away the thing that helps and puts nothing in its place. The feeling still comes, and now they have two problems: the feeling, and a promise to you that they are about to break. If they break it, they have let you down as well as hurt themselves, and the next time becomes harder to tell you about.

The guidance points the same way. The NHS advises anyone supporting a person who self-harms not to try to force them to change what they’re doing, and not to threaten to take away their control. YoungMinds lists putting too much pressure on a child to stop among the things to avoid. NICE, writing for professionals, accepts that a young person in treatment may be “not yet in a position to resist the urge to self-harm”.

Stopping is still the aim. Sift says that many people have found ways of reducing or stopping their self-harm, with time and support. Its guide for people who want to stop asks them to think about what they would miss about self-harm, which tells you how much it is doing for them. Treatment is about finding other things that can do that job.

So ask for something your child can do. On a calmer day you might say: I’m not going to ask you to promise it won’t happen again. I’d like you to tell me when things get bad, before or after. You won’t be in trouble. If saying it out loud is too hard, agree another way for them to tell you, such as a text from their room, a note, or a word or emoji that means they need you.

You’ll want to keep an eye on your child, and you should. YoungMinds advises doing it without making them feel policed. In practice that means asking how they are, often, and not inspecting them or searching their room behind their back.

Making the house safer works in the same way. It is one part of the safety plan that a young person and their team work out together. Tell your child what you are moving and why, and do it with their knowledge. The injury page says what to move tonight.

You may hear your child’s team talk about harm minimisation. The phrase means an approach that accepts the urge to self-harm may continue for now, and aims to keep long-term damage, and how often it happens, to a minimum. NICE says it should only be considered for a young person already in ongoing care, as one part of that care and never the whole of it, and agreed with the young person and, where appropriate, with you; it also says the approach may not suit everyone. It is not something to start at home on your own. If it comes up, ask the team what they have agreed with your child and why.

What recovery is made of

In our work, recovery from self-harm has two parts, which happen together. Your child finds other ways to get through the feelings the self-harm was managing, and whatever is causing those feelings gets attention of its own.

The professional part starts with an assessment, which the next section describes. For young people who self-harm often and have serious difficulty managing their emotions, NICE recommends that clinicians consider dialectical behaviour therapy adapted for adolescents, known as DBT-A. Other talking therapies include cognitive behavioural therapy and family therapy. NICE says medicine should not be offered as a specific treatment to reduce self-harm, though your child may be offered it alongside talking therapy if they have been diagnosed with a condition such as depression. The assessment should also look at any other mental health difficulties, including depression and anxiety, which can go with self-harm in the teenage years. If low mood is part of what is happening, When Your Child Has Gone Flat covers it up to sixteen, and Low Mood, Drink and Drugs at Sixteen and Seventeen from sixteen to eighteen.

NICE asks professionals to consider making a safety plan with anyone who has self-harmed. It describes the plan as “a written, prioritised list of coping strategies and/or sources of support” that your child can use when things get bad. It covers their warning signs, what they can do to cope, who they can turn to, how to reach their mental health team out of hours, and making their surroundings safer. The plan should be made with the family where that’s appropriate, kept by your child, and shared as your child decides. If their team hasn’t made one with them, ask about it.

At home, YoungMinds suggests spending time with your teenager doing things they enjoy, and keeping up regular sleep, meals and exercise. When things are calmer, think together about what tends to set it off, and help them notice when the urge is building and what they’re feeling when it does. Ask them what would help them feel safer. Two more things are easy to forget: tell them about their positive qualities, and ask how they’d like to be supported.

Questions about what happened tend to go further than questions about why. What was going on that day? is easier to answer than Why did you do it?, which many young people can’t answer, and which sounds like an accusation however you mean it.

If it happens again, treat it as its own event. Start the conversation as you did the first time, with the same pages: the injury guide on the urgent help page for any injury, and the quick tip on the first conversation, in the library’s quick tips, for what to say first. Then let your child’s team know that day, or first thing the next morning if it happens at night. If it happens at night and you are worried about your child’s safety, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page, and do not wait for the morning. What you’re working towards is a child who tells you sooner each time.

The GP and CAMHS

The GP is the planned route into NHS care, including CAMHS (children and young people’s mental health services). If you haven’t yet spoken to the GP, ring the surgery as soon as it is open, say it’s about self-harm, and ask for an urgent appointment. If the surgery cannot see your child that day, use the 111 route under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page.

Tell your child you’re making the appointment and ask them to come. If they won’t, go anyway: you can speak to the GP yourself for advice even if your child doesn’t want to. Take a note of what you’ve seen and when, anything that has changed in their sleep, eating, friendships or schoolwork, and how you and the rest of the family are managing.

NICE asks GPs to make a referral to mental health services a priority when a young person’s distress is rising, high or sustained; when the frequency or degree of self-harm or suicidal intent is increasing; when the GP is concerned; when the young person asks for more help; and when distress in the family is rising, high or sustained despite attempts to help. You may be the only person who can tell the GP whether it is happening more often or getting worse, and how the rest of the family is coping.

If your child’s care stays with the GP, your child should have regular appointments to review the self-harm, a review of any medicines, information about other support, and care for anything else going on. Before you leave, ask when the next review will be.

Young people under eighteen may be referred to their local CAMHS, and a GP, teacher, school nurse or social worker can put a family in touch. NICE asks for what it calls a psychosocial assessment after self-harm, done by someone experienced in assessing young people who self-harm, somewhere your child can talk in confidence. It should cover their friendships, school and home, any caring responsibilities, their life online, and any safeguarding concerns. The safeguarding questions belong in every assessment of a young person who has self-harmed, so they are routine, and it helps to know they’re coming. Even if your child doesn’t want you involved, NICE is explicit that you can still give the team information about them.

You may hope to come away knowing how much danger your child is in, and you won’t be given a score. NICE tells professionals not to use risk assessment tools and scales to predict future self-harm or suicide, and not to sort people into low, medium or high risk. The professional should instead work out with your child a summary of their current risks and difficulties, which goes into a care plan made with them, and with you where that’s appropriate. If there are ongoing concerns about your child’s safety, follow-up care should begin within 48 hours of the assessment.

If your child goes to A&E, they should be offered a referral for the assessment as soon as possible after they arrive, and the assessment should not wait until the medical treatment is finished. The injury page covers what to ask for before you leave.

While you wait, there are two places worth knowing, and neither of them is an emergency line. For you or for your child, there’s a listening service for anyone affected by self-harm. Sift (formerly Self-Injury Support), 0808 800 8088. Text 07537 432444. Phone Mon, Tue and Thu 6pm-9pm; text Mon-Fri 6pm-9pm; email answered within a week. Outside those hours the phone line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not. Help is free. And for your child, if they’re between ten and seventeen, there’s a free seven-week online course in small groups, run by trained counsellors and volunteer youth workers, where young people take part by typing in a chat and sign up themselves. Alumina (online self-harm support for 10 to 17s). Online at https://www.selfharm.co.uk/.

Ask at each stage what happens next, and roughly when. If things get worse while you’re waiting, tell the GP and the CAMHS team that day; the reasons NICE gives for making your child a priority are the ones above. If the surgery and the team are closed and you are worried about your child’s safety, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page.

If you pay for a private therapist, while you wait or alongside NHS care, look for someone experienced with young people who self-harm, the standard NICE sets for the NHS assessment, and ask them to keep your child’s GP informed, so that the route into NHS care stays open. Our page on finding a therapist sets out what to look for and the questions worth asking before you start.

Your child’s school

The school needs to know, and the injury page asks you to tell it. NICE expects schools and colleges to have policies for supporting students who self-harm, and a designated lead who makes sure staff know them and use them. We haven’t found research on self-harm in independent or boarding schools in particular, and the guidance is the same for every kind of school.

Ask for whoever leads on safeguarding; every school has one, whatever the title. Tell them plainly what has happened, what the GP or CAMHS is doing, and anything that seems to set it off at school, and ask what they have noticed. YoungMinds points out that referrals from school can be very useful, because staff see a young person every day.

Tell your child before you tell the school, and agree together what it needs to know. The parents who wrote Sift’s advice put it simply: keep young people involved and informed about their care. You might say: School needs to know, because they’re with you all day. I’m going to tell the person who leads on safeguarding, and I’d like us to decide together what I say and who else is told.

NICE asks the school’s lead to take advice from the mental health professionals involved and to make a support plan for school with your child and, where appropriate, with you. Ask for one if it isn’t offered. It’s worth agreeing who your child can go to during the day, what they can do if they need to leave a lesson, and how the school will tell you if it’s worried. If they board, the plan needs to include the staff in their boarding house, who are the adults nearest to them at night, and how your child can reach you. A school counsellor, if the school has one, can help alongside the GP and CAMHS; with your child’s agreement, ask them to talk to each other.

The school should also think about how your teenager’s self-harm affects close friends and peer groups, and support them as well.

You, and the rest of the family

In a UK study in which researchers interviewed 37 parents of young people who had self-harmed, the parents described their first reactions as shock, anger and disbelief. Later came stress, anxiety and guilt, and for some parents the start or worsening of depression. A common worry was that the self-harm was the result of something they had or hadn’t done, and among the advice that parents have written for Sift is to try not to blame yourself. YoungMinds lists feeling anxious, confused, sad, angry, frustrated, guilty or ashamed, and calls every one of them normal.

Two other things the parents described are worth recognising in yourself. Some saw less of other people because of the stigma they felt. And some slept on the floor beside their child’s bed or outside the door to keep their child safe, and worried that anything they said might set off another episode.

You can’t watch your child every minute, and you don’t need to treat every word as though it might set them off. If your child has said they want to die, had what they would use in front of them, or you are worried about tonight, act that day, as the box at the top of this page sets out, and if they are in immediate danger, call 999. Until help is in place, the injury page asks for the same room, or their door open and you awake until they are asleep. Parents writing for Sift offer two pieces of advice: try not to take your child’s self-harm personally, and remember that not every row or bad day between you is about self-harm or mental health, because some are just a normal part of living with a teenager. You can still say no, keep the rules you had, and have the arguments you would have had anyway.

You need someone to talk to as well. The parents in the UK study wanted to hear from other parents whose children had self-harmed, and the listening service mentioned above takes calls from parents. Tell your child’s team if you’re struggling, too. Rising or high distress in the family is one of the reasons for making a referral a priority, and services should give families information and support of their own. If this has brought your own mental health into it, When You Are Not All Right is written for you.

If the first night went badly, you can put it right. Frightened parents shout, cry and say things they regret. Go back when you’re both calmer and say so: I was frightened the other night, and I didn’t say things well. You’re not in trouble. I want to help, and I’m not going anywhere. Your child doesn’t have to answer for it to count.

Brothers and sisters are affected too. In the same study, parents described siblings who were upset or stressed, who felt responsible for preventing another episode, or who worried about stigma at school, and some who worried that their own irritating behaviour might cause it. Their responses were mixed, but they were often supportive. If you can, agree with your child first what their brothers and sisters will be told. Then tell your other children something true that they can manage, and make three things clear: it isn’t their fault, it isn’t their job to keep watch, and they can bring any worry to you. Your sister is having a hard time, and she’s getting help. Nothing you did caused it, and it’s not your job to keep an eye on her. If you’re ever worried about her, come and tell me, even if she’s asked you not to.

At different ages

These bands are a rough guide, and most of this chapter applies to all three.

If your child is between eleven and thirteen. Agree the other ways of telling you early: the text, the note, the agreed word. Parents writing for Sift add worry monsters, or a shorthand of your own. At this age you’re likely to be closely involved in your child’s care; a child under sixteen may need a parent’s consent to get help from mental health services, though not always. The online course described above asks for the agreement of the adult your child lives with if they’re ten to thirteen.

If your child is between thirteen and sixteen. They’ll want more privacy. The NHS explains that what your teenager tells the service is confidential unless the service is worried about your teenager’s safety or someone else’s, and that a child under sixteen can consent to their own treatment if they’re believed to have enough understanding of what’s involved. At the start, ask the team what will be shared with you and what won’t, and remember that you can always tell them what you see. Pressure at school is one of the common causes of distress, and Anxiety, by Age covers the worry side of it. Your teenager’s assessment will also ask about their life online, and Your Child’s Online World goes further.

If your child is between sixteen and eighteen. The NHS says that sixteen and seventeen year olds are presumed to be able to decide on their own treatment, like adults, unless there’s significant evidence otherwise, so your teenager has a large say in who is involved in their care. You can still tell their team what you notice, and it’s worth asking your teenager, while things are calm, how they’d like you to be involved. The assessment will ask about alcohol and drugs. With a young person who is still finding the urge to self-harm hard to resist, a team may also talk through how alcohol and drugs affect that urge. It’s worth talking about at home too, and Low Mood, Drink and Drugs at Sixteen and Seventeen covers that conversation. CAMHS is for young people up to eighteen, after which care is with adult mental health services, so ask early how the handover will work. If they’re leaving home, for university or a job, ask how their care will continue where they’re going. The quick tip When Your Child Is Eighteen and the Doctors Cannot Tell You Everything covers what you can still do once they are eighteen.

The years after

The clearest long-term evidence we’ve found suggests that, for most young people, self-harm in adolescence doesn’t last. It comes from Australia, where researchers followed nearly two thousand young people from 44 schools in the state of Victoria, from about sixteen to twenty-nine. Eight per cent of them reported self-harm as teenagers, and the researchers concluded that “most self-harming behaviour in adolescents resolves spontaneously”.

“Resolves spontaneously” is the researchers’ phrase, and it doesn’t mean self-harm can be left alone. In the same study, self-harm in adolescence went with symptoms of depression and anxiety, and the authors argued that finding and treating those early could be an important part of preventing suicide in young adults. It is one study, in another country, of young people who were at school in the 1990s.

The parents in the UK study were, on the whole, hopeful: they saw the future as positive, and hoped that with help their child would find better ways of coping.

When things are better, keep the arrangement you made for your child to tell you, and keep their GP and their school informed. If it comes back, you’ll both know what to do, and your child will already know that telling you was safe.

NOTES

1. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. Self-harm: assessment, management and preventing recurrence (NG225). Published 7 September 2022; last reviewed 16 August 2024. The recommendations used: 1.1.2 (information and support for families); 1.4.1 and 1.4.2 (involving families, and other ways of communicating, including “agreed safe words, phrases or emojis”); 1.5.1, 1.5.7, 1.5.11 and 1.5.15 (the psychosocial assessment, what it should ask a young person about, and the care plan); 1.5.9 (what the assessment should consider, including any mental health problems; each episode treated in its own right; and reasons that may vary from episode to episode); 1.6.1 to 1.6.4 and 1.6.6 (no risk assessment tools or scales, no low, medium or high risk, and a risk formulation instead); 1.7.6 to 1.7.8 (primary care, including the reasons for making a referral a priority, and what a young person whose care stays with the GP should have); 1.5.2 and 1.7.13 (the emergency department); 1.8.3 to 1.8.7 (schools and colleges); 1.10.2 (initial aftercare within 48 hours where there are ongoing safety concerns); 1.11.4 (DBT-A); 1.11.7 and 1.11.8 (safety plans); 1.11.10 (no drug treatment as a specific intervention to reduce self-harm); 1.11.11 to 1.11.13 (harm minimisation, only for someone in ongoing care and never as a standalone intervention; 1.11.12 includes the impact of alcohol and recreational drugs on the urge to self-harm). The definitions of self-harm, harm minimisation, safety plan and risk formulation are from Terms used in this guideline.
2. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. NG225, Context. The prevalence figures, which NICE attributes to “a recent national study” without naming it in this section, and which count self-harm and attempted suicide together; that only a minority of people who have self-harmed present to hospital; and that prevalence figures are unreliable because self-harm is sometimes hidden.
3. NHS. Self-harm, with its pages on why people self-harm, helping someone else, getting help and assessment and treatments. Last reviewed in August 2023, with review due in August 2026, so past their review dates when read again on 23 October 2026. The definition; the reasons people give and the common causes of distress; the link with suicide and suicidal thoughts, and self-harm described as a way of staying alive; what to do and not do when supporting someone, including telling them about their positive qualities; referral of under-18s to children and young people’s mental health services; what an assessment asks about, including alcohol and drugs; talking therapies, including CBT and DBT; and medicine alongside talking therapy for a diagnosed condition such as depression.
4. YoungMinds. Self-harm, parents’ A to Z guide, reviewed August 2024. Why young people self-harm, and why the relief doesn’t last; the shame, confusion or fear that can follow; what to avoid, including too much pressure to stop and “it’s just a phase”; practical help at home; speaking to the GP yourself; referrals to CAMHS up to 18 and to adult services from 18, and referrals from schools; keeping an eye on a child “without making them feel policed”; and parents’ own feelings.
5. YoungMinds. Parents’ A to Z guide on suicidal thoughts, reviewed January 2024. Talking about suicidal thoughts will not increase a young person’s risk or put ideas in their head; use clear words such as “suicide”.
6. Sift (formerly Self-Injury Support). Its listening support page, updated 17 August 2026; its pages for people who self-harm on what self-harm is, why people self-harm and stopping, published 30 March 2026 and updated 24 June 2026; and its advice to parents and carers from parents and carers, published 22 June 2026 and updated 24 June 2026. Self-harm as a way of coping, not of getting attention, and usually hidden; assumptions that stop young people being taken seriously; people reducing or stopping with time and support; and the parents’ advice: not blaming yourself, not taking it personally, not every bump in the relationship being about self-harm, keeping young people involved, and notes, texts, worry monsters or a shorthand of your own. The listening service is for anyone affected, including someone worried about another person.
7. Ferrey, A. E., Hughes, N. D., Simkin, S., Locock, L., Stewart, A., Kapur, N., Gunnell, D. & Hawton, K. “The impact of self-harm by young people on parents and families: a qualitative study.” BMJ Open, 2016, 6(1), e009631. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2015-009631. Interviews with 37 parents of 35 young people who had self-harmed, living in England, Scotland and Wales and recruited through charities, support groups, clinicians, advertisements, social media and personal contacts, by researchers from the University of Oxford’s Centre for Suicide Research and colleagues. Parents’ reactions, the common worry that the self-harm was a result of something they did or did not do, isolation, vigilance and guilt; the effects on siblings; and parents’ wish to hear from other parents. A qualitative study, so it describes experiences without measuring how common they are.
8. Moran, P., Coffey, C., Romaniuk, H., Olsson, C., Borschmann, R., Carlin, J. B. & Patton, G. C. “The natural history of self-harm from adolescence to young adulthood: a population-based cohort study.” Lancet, 2012, 379(9812), 236–243. doi:10.1016/S0140-6736(11)61141-061141-0). A stratified random sample of 1,943 pupils from 44 schools in Victoria, Australia, recruited and followed between August 1992 and January 2008; 1,802 took part in the adolescent phase, of whom 149 (8 per cent) reported self-harm, more girls than boys; followed from a mean age of 15.9 to 29.0. During adolescence, new self-harm was independently associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety, and those symptoms in adolescence were also associated with new self-harm in young adulthood. The quotation is from the authors’ interpretation.
9. NHS. Children and young people’s mental health services and Supporting a child or young person, last reviewed 19 July 2023, and past their review date of 19 July 2026 when read again on 23 October 2026. Who can make a referral, self-referral to some services, the talking therapies offered (including CBT, counselling and family therapy), consent for under-16s, and that what is said is confidential unless services are worried about someone’s safety.
10. NHS. Consent to treatment for children and young people, last reviewed 8 December 2022, and past its review date of 8 December 2025 when read again on 23 October 2026. The presumption of capacity at 16 and 17, and consent under 16. General Medical Council. 0–18 years: making decisions, guidance for doctors, page undated. The same presumption at 16, and the same test under 16, across the UK; the differences between the nations it sets out concern young people who lack capacity or refuse treatment, which this chapter does not cover.
11. Alumina, run by Youthscape. selfharm.co.uk, page undated, read 23 October 2026. A free seven-week online course for 10 to 17 year olds in the UK who are struggling with self-harm, in groups of up to 14 young people with two leaders, run by trained counsellors and volunteer youth workers; nobody sees or hears the young people, who join in through a chat box. Young people sign up themselves; 10 to 13 year olds need the permission of the adult they live with. It is not a crisis service.
12. NHS Digital. “Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2017: Behaviours, lifestyles and identities”. 2018. Office for National Statistics. “Suicides in England and Wales: 2023 registrations”. 2024. Self-harm by sex in children and young people, and the higher suicide rate in young men.
13. Royal College of Psychiatrists. “Depression in children and young people”. 2025. NHS England. “Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2023: wave 4 follow up, Part 3: Education, services and support”. 2023. Boys and young men being less likely, on average, to talk about how they feel or to seek help themselves.

Where to go further

YoungMinds, Self-harm The clearest single page we know of for parents on this subject. It explains why young people self-harm, how to open a conversation and what to avoid saying, what young people themselves say helps, and how to look after yourself. It’s written for parents.

Sift, advice to parents and carers from parents and carers Short, practical advice from parents who have been through it, on getting help, on balancing support with privacy, and on looking after yourself. Sift’s listening service is for parents as well as young people.

Alumina This one is for your child: a free seven-week online course for ten to seventeen year olds who self-harm, in small groups where nobody sees or hears them. They sign up themselves, and if they are thirteen or under, the adult they live with has to agree.