The chapter to start with
Screen Time
For parents who have lost the argument about screen hours, and suspect it was never quite the right argument to have.
8 min read · Ages 4 to 18
Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.
Screens and online life
Screen time
Screen time is today’s most asked-about parenting question, and the least usefully framed. We look wider: at what the screen is replacing, what your child is reaching for, and what’s going on around it. These pages are for the parent who wants to set the rules without losing the relationship.
What to do first, what helps and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.
What the library holds on screen time
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
You haven’t lost this argument, and you aren’t the only parent having it. The useful thing to ask is what those hours on a screen are taking the place of.
- For three days, watch without policing. What is your child doing on there, and what isn’t happening because of it?
- Change one boundary, not five, and make it apply to the whole household: phones charge in the kitchen overnight, everyone’s included.
- Ask your child to show you something they like on it. You’ll see more of their online life by being curious than by checking up on them.
From the chapters
What helps
Keep devices out of bedrooms at night
Charge devices in the kitchen overnight, including yours. What you do counts as much as the rule you set.
Turn screens off 45 to 60 minutes before bed
The brain needs to wind down before it can sleep. Use the time for reading, a bath or talking together.
Chapters
3 on screen time
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
- What Screen Time Actually IsFor parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens. 13 min read
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Your Child’s Online WorldFor parents who have seen something on their child’s phone that they can’t unsee.
14 min read
Ages 8 to 18
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
9 on screen time
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Online life
Ask What They Watch, Not How Long
Asking what your child watches online is harder than timing it, and more useful.
Try this
- Ask what your child watched this week, not how long.
From the tip
Screen-time advice usually counts hours: how long, when, in which rooms. The harder and more useful question is what your child is watching. A child can spend two hours a day on cookery videos and animal clips and be doing nothing a parent would worry about. Another child can spend twenty minutes a day on a platform that has, in a fortnight, served them a hundred pieces of content about self-harm, because they paused on one and the algorithm decided that was who they were.
Online life
The Apps You Chose
A four-year-old doesn’t choose their own apps, so choose them with care and review them as your child grows.
Try this
- Choose deliberately: no ads, no in-app purchases, a clear endpoint.
Online life
A First Tablet at Four
At four, treat the tablet as yours, lent to your child for short stretches with you nearby.
Try this
- Treat the tablet as yours, lent to your child, with apps you have chosen.
More quick tips on screen time
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Online life
The Homework the AI Wrote
If your child has let an AI tool do their homework, go through what it wrote with them.
1 min read · Ages 7 to 13
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Online life
The Game That Runs Past Midnight
For most teenagers gaming is where their friends are, so agree the end of the night with your teenager.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Online life
The Room Your Child Will Not Leave
Time on a headset is often time with friends, so start by asking about it.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 13
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Online life
When the Game Ends in Tears
Agree how long your child will play before they start, and give them a few minutes’ warning.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 9
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Bodies & growing up
When Your Teenager Cannot Fall Asleep Before Midnight
Your teenager’s body clock has moved later; a fixed time to get up, morning light and phones out of the bedroom can help them fall asleep sooner.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
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Online life
The Feed Full of Diets and Bodies
If your child’s feed is full of diets and bodies, reset it with them and explain how it works.
1 min read · Ages 11 to 18
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
8 on screen time
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 30 min
One meal without phones, yours first
One regular meal where every phone in the house, starting with yours, stays in another room.
What it is for. A child learns what a phone is for by watching what the adults use theirs for. If every phone goes into another room at one meal, it becomes something the family does, and you do not have to police it.
- The first step Pick the meal you can keep most often: supper for some families, Saturday lunch for others.
- Step 3 Say it once, as something the family does: “At supper the phones live in the hall, mine too.” There is no need to police it; your phone in the hall is the reminder.
When to get help. If something said at the table suggests that someone is frightening or hurting your child, online or off, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child has stopped seeing friends in person, their sleep has collapsed, or their mood drops hard whenever the phone is away, talk to your GP or their school’s pastoral lead. If your child is avoiding family meals, eating less and less, or hiding food, do not wait: ask your GP for an early appointment.
The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
More to do together
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To do together
Rules for the tablet, made together
A short family agreement about screens, signed by everyone and made with your child: when, where and what, and what to do if something online upsets them.
About 20 min · Ages 5 to 9
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To do together
A film, and the conversation you do not force
Choose a film with some care, watch it side by side, and do not ask questions afterwards. If your child wants to talk, they will.
The length of a film · Ages 7 to 16 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
Play me something
Your child picks a song and plays it to you. You listen to the end, and ask one question about it.
About 10 min · Ages 11 to 18 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
Reading in the same room
For the last twenty minutes before bed, everyone reads in one room, you included. Keep reading aloud to your child for longer than you think they need it.
About 20 min · Under 13
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To do together
Where the phones sleep
Every phone in the house charges overnight in one place outside the bedrooms, on a rule agreed with your teenager. Yours goes there first.
About 10 min · Ages 11 to 18
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To do together
Play their game with them
Your child picks a game they play and teaches you how it works. You play beside them as a beginner, and find out what the game involves, including who they can talk to in it.
About 30 min · Ages 7 to 16 · With a sheet to print
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To do together
Show me three things
Once a week your child shows you three things: the funniest they have seen, the weirdest, and one they think you should see. You watch without comment.
About 10 min · Ages 7 to 18 · With a sheet to print
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
5 on screen time
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to screen time
What to do first, what helps, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with screen time, on a sheet of its own.
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Our screen plan
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
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Our first phone
To fill in together · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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Their online world
Pocket card · A4, four cards to cut, two sides · With a subscription
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Talking, side by side
Cards to cut out · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
Books and reading
17 on screen time
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 9
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Media Moms & Digital Dads Yalda T. Uhls A developmental psychologist and former film executive sorts the research from the headlines on screens and social media, and helps parents make calm, informed decisions for their own family. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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Parenting for a Digital Future Sonia Livingstone and Alicia Blum-Ross
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Screenwise Devorah Heitner
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Unlocked Pete Etchells
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Technology’s Child Katie Davis
And four more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 2
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Blackout John Rocco · Ages 4 to 7 A power cut sends a busy city family up to the roof, where they play, talk and look at the stars together. When the lights come back, they choose to keep them off. A warm book about family time. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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The Teenage Guide to Life Online Nicola Morgan · Ages 11 to 16
Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read online 6
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UK Safer Internet Centre
Screen Time
A balanced UK take: think about quality over quantity, watch for warning signs, agree and review expectations, and use wellbeing settings on devices.
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Childnet
Family Agreement
A free template families fill in together to agree rules for devices, games and apps, with a parents’ guide to starting the conversation. Works best made with the child, not for them.
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GOV.UK (Early Years Screen Time Advisory Group)
Screen use by children aged under 5
The UK government’s independent review of the evidence on screens in the under-fives, chaired by the Children’s Commissioner and Professor Russell Viner, with recommendations for parents.
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Place2Be
My child wants a mobile phone
Thinking through the first-phone decision: readiness, agreeing rules before the phone arrives, and keeping talking once it does.
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Place2Be
Supporting healthy gaming habits for children
Understanding why children love games, and how to agree gaming rules together so limits feel fair rather than imposed.
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Childnet
Keeping under fives safe online
Simple advice for families with young children: using devices together, setting up parental controls and child profiles, and what to do if a child sees something upsetting.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
14 on screen time
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 9
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Prof Pete Etchells and Prof Andy Przybylski
Screen Sense: Parenting in a Digital World
Two leading UK screen-time researchers spend eight episodes on what the evidence does and does not show, the myth of the digital native, and how to have better conversations with children about devices.
Also on this shelf
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Thriving Kids
What the Research Really Says About Kids, Phones, and Mental Health
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Good Inside with Dr. Becky
The Anxious Generation with Jonathan Haidt
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‘Mind the Kids’: an ACAMH podcast
How smart is a phone ban? A Mind the Kids podcast
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
214: Should I Let My Son Spend All His Free Time Playing Video Games?
And four more. Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 5
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YouTube · 3 min
How can I stop my child spending too much time online?
Childnet International, YouTube
Childnet’s calm advice for parents worried about how long their child spends online: looking at what they do, not just how long, and agreeing limits together.
Also on this shelf
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TED · 12 min
Parenting in the digital age
Prof Sonia Livingstone, TED
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YouTube · 3 min
Supporting young children (6 -10s) online | Internet Matters
Internet Matters, YouTube
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TED · 12 min
What we’re getting wrong about teens and tech
Prof Candice Odgers, TED
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YouTube · 36 min
How digital technologies affect adolescent psychological well-being and mental health - Dr Amy Orben
Dr Amy Orben, YouTube
Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
This usually starts at school rather than at the surgery. The adults who see your child every day are the first people to tell, and often the fastest route to a change. The GP is there if it persists or deepens.
Where to start
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Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
For screen time
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Internet Matters
Step-by-step guides to the settings on every device and app, advice by age from nought to eighteen, and guides to AI tools and gaming.
When you need to actually change something on a phone tonight. The most practical online safety source in the UK.
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Childnet
Guides to having the conversation, by age, on gaming, sharing images, online bullying and where the line is, from one of the charities behind the UK Safer Internet Centre.
When the settings are done and the talking is the hard part.
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UK Safer Internet Centre
The UK’s online safety centre, run by Childnet, the IWF and SWGfL. Their parents’ pages give age-by-age guidance and settings for each platform, written for people who have read enough alarming material.
For the everyday side of online life rather than an emergency. Reading and guides; there is no parent helpline here.
Email only, Mon-Fri working hours
Every organisation for screen time, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist