One meal without phones, yours first

The activity

One regular meal where every phone in the house, starting with yours, stays in another room.

What it is for. A child learns what a phone is for by watching what the adults use theirs for. If every phone goes into another room at one meal, it becomes something the family does, and you do not have to police it.

• The first step. Pick the meal you can keep most often: supper for some families, Saturday lunch for others.
• Say it once, as something the family does: “At supper the phones live in the hall, mine too.” There is no need to police it; your phone in the hall is the reminder.

When to get help. If something said at the table suggests that someone is frightening or hurting her, online or off, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If she has stopped seeing friends in person, her sleep has collapsed, or her mood drops hard whenever the phone is away, talk to your GP or her school’s pastoral lead. If she is avoiding family meals, eating less and less, or hiding food, do not wait: ask your GP for an early appointment.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Screen Time. For parents who have lost the argument about screen hours, and suspect it was never quite the right argument to have.
• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.

Free on this subject

• Screen time. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Family stress. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.