A film, and the conversation you do not force

The activity

Choose a film with some care, watch it side by side, and do not ask questions afterwards. If your child wants to talk, they will.

What it is for. Someone else’s friendship can be easier to think about than your child’s own. Watching a film side by side gives you a story in common, and they do not have to explain themselves.

• The first step. Choose the film carefully. Read what the film is about, and check its age rating and the content advice that comes with it: a film about a death, a suicide or a child being bullied may help one child and be too close to home for another.

Safety. If it is streamed, watch in a shared room with autoplay off, so that nothing follows it.

When to get help. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. If your child is still very sad about a friendship after several weeks, or it is affecting their sleep, eating or school, talk to their school and your GP.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: Talking, side by side.

It goes with

• When the Best Friend Moves On. For parents whose child’s best friend has drifted away, with no falling-out to explain it.
• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Friendships. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Screen time. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.