The world most parents recognise and least feel competent in. The eight-year-old’s first console, the twelve-year-old’s headset, the older teen whose evening has gone elsewhere. The pages here treat gaming as a real social and emotional context, not as a problem to be eliminated.
Games are designed to be hard to leave, and the fight at the end of a session is usually about the interruption rather than the game.
Give warnings in game terms, not clock terms: “finish this round,” not “five minutes.” Most of the conflict lives in this one detail.
Find out what he is actually playing and who he is playing with. The social layer is usually the part that matters to him.
Put the finish time before something he wants, not before something he dreads. Supper works better than homework.
What helps
Devices out of bedrooms at night.The single biggest, most evidence-supported, most-often-skipped intervention. Charge devices in the kitchen overnight, including yours. Modelling matters as much as policy.
Screens off 45 to 60 minutes before bed.The brain needs to come down before it can sleep. Use the time for reading, bath, conversation. The transition is the point.
Some tips to try
Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.
The Room She Will Not Leave.The headset is the room her social life happens in.
Sit next to him for ten minutes on a Saturday, asking about the game.
Check: is he sleeping, eating with the family, doing his off-screen things.
If yes, the room is developmental. If no, reweight the week.
A Lego challenge with a theme. Set a small theme, “the smallest dragon you can build”, and a 30-minute timer. The constraint makes it interesting; the time-bound makes it manageable; no screen required.
Pour a manageable amount of Lego onto a tray or rug. Not the whole collection, the volume can be overwhelming.
Set a theme together. “The smallest dragon.” “A house for a mouse.” “Something that travels.” “A vehicle with no wheels.” Constraints make creativity easier, not harder.
Set a 30-minute timer. The time-bound is part of what makes it work.
Build alongside them, with your own version of the same theme. The parallel play is part of the appeal.
Something to watch: Internet Matters YouTube channel, Internet Matters, YouTube.The UK’s leading not-for-profit on children’s online safety, co-founded by BT, Sky and other major ISPs. Their channel runs short, practical explainer videos on AI tools, platform-specific parental controls, and age-banded safety conversations. The closest single channel to a UK parent’s working manual for the device in the next room.www.youtube.com/user/internetmatters
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Your child’s school.The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps.Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
Your GP.The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
Internet Matters.The UK’s leading not-for-profit on children’s online safety. Co-founded by BT, Sky and other major UK ISPs. Their parent guides on AI tools, algorithmic feeds, and platform-specific settings are the cleanest practical primer we know.When a parent needs concrete handles on AI tools, social media platforms, gaming, screen time, or device controls. Their age-banded guides are particularly useful for parents new to a category.www.internetmatters.org
UK Safer Internet Centre.The UK’s hub for online-safety guidance, run by a partnership of three charities. Their parent-facing pages on age-banded online safety are clear, calm and current.When the chapter is about the everyday textures of online life, age-by-age platform guidance, or the parent who wants a UK-anchored, evidence-based primer that is not pitched at the crisis end. The Professionals Online Safety Helpline is open to parents and is, in my experience, a particularly useful line for situations that are serious but not criminal.Call cost depends on your phone package, so it may not be free.Mon-Fri 10am-4pm, email onlysaferinternet.org.uk
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.