Show me three things

The activity

Once a week she shows you three things: the funniest she has seen, the weirdest, and one she thinks you should see. You watch without comment.

What it is for. In our experience, what is on her screen matters more than how long she spends on it. A weekly look, on her terms, lets you be curious without checking up on her, and makes you someone she might tell if something goes wrong.

• The first step. Ask once, casually: “On Sundays, show me three things: the funniest thing you’ve seen this week, the weirdest, and one you think I should see.”
• If something worries you, try not to let it show. Most worries about content can wait until another day, when you can raise them in passing. Sexual or violent content in front of a younger child, anything about self-harm or suicide, and anything suggesting that someone is contacting or hurting her cannot; talk to her calmly that evening.

Safety. Most social media services are for thirteen and over. Every phone charges outside the bedrooms overnight, the adults’ included.

When to get help. If you learn of an adult contacting her, anyone asking her for pictures or personal details, or a sexual image of a child, stay calm, do not blame her, and leave everything as it is (do not look further, copy, forward or delete). Act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page, and tell the school’s designated safeguarding lead. If what she is shown keeps turning to bodies, food or self-harm, or her mood or eating changes, talk to her school and your GP.

The other two steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Your Child’s Online World. For parents who have seen something on their child’s phone that they can’t unsee.
• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Social media. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Online safety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.