Play me something

The activity

Your child picks a song and plays it to you. You listen to the end, and ask one question about it.

What it is for. A teenager’s moods often show in the music they listen to. Asking your teenager to play you something shows you are interested in what they listen to, and it can tell you something about their week.

• The first step. Ask when things are easy between you: “Play me something you’ve been listening to.”

Safety. Music services set minimum ages, often thirteen; a younger child belongs on a family account a parent manages. The phone that plays the music still charges in the kitchen overnight.

When to get help. If your child’s mood has been flat for more than two weeks, or you’re worried at any point, talk to the school and your GP, and tell them about any change in your child’s sleep, appetite or friendships. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: Talking, side by side.

It goes with

• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.
• When They Stop Talking to You. For parents whose teenager hardly talks to them any more.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Emotional regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Screen time. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.