Play me something

The activity

She picks a song and plays it to you. You listen to the end, and ask one question about it.

What it is for. A teenager’s moods often show in the music she listens to. Asking her to play you something shows you are interested in what she listens to, and it can tell you something about her week.

• The first step. Ask when things are easy between you: “Play me something you’ve been listening to.”

Safety. Music services set minimum ages, often thirteen; a younger child belongs on a family account a parent manages. The phone that plays the music still charges in the kitchen overnight.

When to get help. If her mood has been flat for more than two weeks, or you’re worried at any point, talk to your GP and her school, and tell them about any change in her sleep, appetite or friendships. If a song leads her to tell you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.
• When They Stop Talking to You. For parents whose teenager hardly talks to them any more.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Emotional regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Screen time. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.