Rules for the tablet, made together

The activity

A short family agreement about screens, made with your child and signed by everyone: when, where and what, and what to do if something online upsets her.

What it is for. A few rules agreed together, written down and kept by everyone, save arguments about what was said. Writing a rule or two for the grown-ups as well shows her the rules are for the whole family.

• The first step. Start with what she enjoys: “What do you like doing on the tablet?” Let her show you.

Safety. Check a new game’s or app’s age rating and what it lets players do, then set the parental controls, and turn off chat with strangers and buying inside games, before she uses it. Controls help, but they don’t catch everything.

When to get help. If someone online has contacted her, asked her for pictures or asked her to keep a secret, or has sent or shown her something sexual, stay calm, thank her for telling you, tell her she is not in trouble, and don’t promise to keep it secret. Leave the tablet as it is: don’t look further, copy, screenshot, forward or delete anything. Act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page, and tell her school’s designated safeguarding lead. If she tells you that someone is hurting her, or that she doesn’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the same routes. If she has come across something frightening or sexual by accident, thank her for telling you, talk about it with her without looking at it again, and check the controls; if it is still upsetting her weeks later, talk to her teacher or your GP. If screens are the only thing she wants to do, or stopping always ends in a long meltdown, talk to her teacher or your GP.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• What Screen Time Actually Is. For parents who feel they have lost the argument about screens.
• Screen Time. For parents who have lost the argument about screen hours, and suspect it was never quite the right argument to have.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Screen time. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Online safety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.