Online safety

What a child meets when nobody is watching, and what to do when something has come through that should not have. Not a fearful frame, a steady one. Written for the parent who wants to be calm about the device in the next room, and informed about what lives behind the screen.

Everything the library holds on this, on one page. The whole of it is at theparentbook.com/help/online-safety

If this is happening right now

If something has happened online, the first thing to know is that your child needs you to be steady more than she needs you to be right. Whatever she did, she needs to be able to tell you the next thing too.

Say the sentence that keeps the door open: “I am not cross. I am glad you told me. We will work out what to do together.” Say it before anything else.
Never view, copy, print, share, store or save a sexual image of a child, or ask your child to send you one. Do not go back into the chat or the image to collect evidence. Leave the device as it is, and stop the contact rather than confronting it.
Tell the school’s designated safeguarding lead today. If your child is in danger now, 999. If an adult has contacted your child, or an image has been shared, the police are on 101, and CEOP takes reports at ceop.police.uk/safety-centre. The NSPCC helpline for adults is 0808 800 5000, Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

Some tips to try

Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.

Finding Something on Her Phone. The first move that helps is slower than the instinct.
- Put the phone in a drawer in the kitchen, not back where she left it.
- Sit down for ten minutes before going upstairs.
- Open with: “I saw something. I am not cross. I want to help.”
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/when-you-have-found-something
When a Fake Image of Her Goes Round. For the parent whose daughter has been targeted by an AI-generated image.
- Report to the IWF; contact the school’s designated safeguarding lead.
- Preserve evidence; do not interrogate the child for details.
- Name the harm briefly; let the weeks that follow be ordinary.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/when-the-image-is-not-her
When the AI Becomes Her Confidant. For the parent who has noticed the chatbot has begun to replace her.
- Name what the chatbot is, briefly, in the car. Not a confrontation.
- Keep the human channels open: you, the school counsellor, a real friend.
- Watch for downloading conversations that an adult should hear.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/when-the-ai-becomes-her-confidant

If you want to read further

Your Child’s Online World. A chapter for parents who have seen something on the phone they cannot unsee. theparentbook.com/reader/online-life-beyond-screens
When Your Child Is Being Bullied. A chapter for parents whose child has named something serious. theparentbook.com/reader/when-your-child-is-being-bullied

Worth your time

A book for you: The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt. 2024 book arguing smartphone-based childhood has rewired adolescent mental health; contested but widely referenced. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-anxious-generation-how-the-great-rewiring-of-childhood-is-causing-an-epidemic-of-mental-illness-jonathan-haidt/953c14657b042c9a
Something to watch: 5 Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Generative AI, Common Sense Media, YouTube. A short, calm primer from Common Sense Media on how to talk with a child about generative AI. US-based but the substance maps cleanly to UK households. Useful as a five-minute starting point before reading Internet Matters' fuller guide. www.commonsensemedia.org/videos/5-tips-for-talking-to-your-kids-about-generative-ai

Where else to go

If something has happened to your child online, this is a safeguarding conversation before it is anything else.

The designated safeguarding lead at your child’s school. Every school has one, by law. They are trained for exactly this conversation and they have the routes a parent does not. As soon as you have a concern about a child’s safety. Ask for them by role; you do not have to explain yourself to the office first.
The NSPCC helpline, for adults worried about a child. A line for the adult who is not sure whether what they have noticed is serious. You do not need to be certain, and you can call anonymously. When something has been said or seen and you do not know what to do with it. They will tell you whether it needs to go further, and help you take that step. Helpline 0808 800 5000, Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm Email help@nspcc.org.uk, read 11am to 4pm, seven days a week; a message sent while the service is closed is not received. If it is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101, or contact the child’s local children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. www.nspcc.org.uk

Internet Matters. The UK’s leading not-for-profit on children’s online safety. Co-founded by BT, Sky and other major UK ISPs. Their parent guides on AI tools, algorithmic feeds, and platform-specific settings are the cleanest practical primer we know. When a parent needs concrete handles on AI tools, social media platforms, gaming, screen time, or device controls. Their age-banded guides are particularly useful for parents new to a category. www.internetmatters.org
UK Safer Internet Centre. The UK’s hub for online-safety guidance, run by a partnership of three charities. Their parent-facing pages on age-banded online safety are clear, calm and current. When the chapter is about the everyday textures of online life, age-by-age platform guidance, or the parent who wants a UK-anchored, evidence-based primer that is not pitched at the crisis end. The Professionals Online Safety Helpline is open to parents and is, in my experience, a particularly useful line for situations that are serious but not criminal. Call cost depends on your phone package, so it may not be free. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm, email only saferinternet.org.uk
CEOP ThinkUKnow. The UK police’s national online safeguarding programme, delivered by the National Crime Agency. The right place for parents to report online sexual abuse, grooming, or any concern that may be a criminal matter. Any chapter where the online concern has tipped into something that may be criminal: sharing of intimate images, an adult contact who has been requesting personal information or images, sustained grooming patterns. The parents pages also carry age-by-age primers on what children are doing online, which I send parents to when they want a reliable, non-moralising overview from a source they can trust. To report something, use the CEOP Safety Centre at ceop.police.uk/safety-centre. The advice for families is at thinkuknow.co.uk. www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents

The full list for online safety, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/online-safety/services

If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If you, or your child, is in mental health crisisNHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child or young person is having thoughts of suicidePapyrus HopeLine 24/7 · 0300 102 2470 · text HOPE to 88247 · 24/7, every day · email pat@papyrus-uk.org · Text and email replies may take up to 24 hours. · www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7.
If your child needs to talk to someone themselvesChildline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at riskNSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999..
If you would prefer to text rather than speakShout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you are struggling yourself and need to talkSamaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.