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The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
What helps
General mental health

General mental health

This is about how your child is doing in general, without pinning it to one diagnosis or one moment. These pages look at how mood, sleep, appetite, friendship and energy change over months and years, for the parent learning to look beyond a single bad week to the longer pattern.

What the library says about this, in one place. It is also online at theparentbook.com/help/general-mental-health

What to do first

You don’t need a diagnosis, or certainty, to act. Most parents who bring us a worry have kept it to themselves for months, and almost all of them wish they’d spoken sooner.

  1. Write down what you’ve noticed, with dates. Focus on the pattern, not the worst day, because the pattern is what a GP or a school can actually work with.
  2. Ask your child one open question and then stop talking: “How have you been, apart from how school’s going?” Then leave the silence alone.
  3. Book a double GP appointment and take your written list. Ten minutes goes quickly.

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

  • When Your Child Is Eighteen and the Doctors Cannot Tell You Everything. The doctors can always listen to what you’ve seen, even when they can’t tell you about your child’s care.
    • While your child is well, ask who they’d want told if they became unwell, and what.
    • If you’re worried, tell their GP or team what you’ve seen.
    • What you can always do is tell the doctors what you’ve seen. The same guidance says doctors should not refuse to listen to a family’s concerns on grounds of confidentiality, and so does a government statement on suicide prevention in England. They may tell your child you were in touch, and may neither confirm nor deny what you tell them. You can also ask for general information, such as how to get help in a crisis.
    • Doctors are told to ask patients this and to record the answer, so suggest your child tells their GP and anyone treating them.
    • If your child tells you they have hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: help them ask their surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line for the nation they are in, not the one you are calling from. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
    • If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour. If you’re calling from elsewhere, give the operator your child’s full address.
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-the-doctors-cannot-tell-you-everything
  • Living With Your Child’s Diagnosis at Home. The diagnosis is part of family life now, but most of life isn’t about it.
    • Don’t organise the household around the diagnosis.
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/living-with-your-childs-diagnosis-at-home
  • When the Medication Changes. A change in your child’s dose is information, and in most cases it doesn’t mean anything is going wrong.
    • Take the change as information about your child’s growing body, not a verdict.
    • Explain it calmly: “The doctor thinks this will work a bit better.”
    theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-the-medication-changes

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

Five steps in one week. For one week, the family tries one easy thing for each of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing: connecting with people, being active, learning something, giving, and paying attention to the moment.

What it is for. The five steps are simple things that support wellbeing, children’s and parents’ alike. Doing them together for a week turns them into something the family does, so nobody is being told to look after themselves.

  • The first step. Write the five steps on a sheet: connect with other people; be physically active; learn something new; give to others; pay attention to the present moment.

Safety. If your child is being treated or assessed for an eating disorder, their team’s plan comes first, including for the active step.

When to get help. These steps support wellbeing; they are not a treatment for mental illness, and a child can do all five and still be struggling. If your child has been low, anxious or withdrawn for more than a couple of weeks, or it is affecting school, sleep or eating, talk to your GP or their school. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they don’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

Worth your time

Who else can help

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

  • YoungMinds. The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about. When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not. www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline
  • NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers. The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings. When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents
  • Mind. The UK’s mental health charity. Pages written for parents of a struggling young person, an Infoline that points you to the right service, and a Support Line that will simply listen. When your own reserves are running low and you want to talk to someone who is not the GP, your partner or a friend. Not for a crisis. If tonight is urgent, use the numbers under “If you need help right now”. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. Mind Infoline 0300 123 3393 · Mon-Fri 9am-6pm (except bank holidays) · Mind Support Line 0300 102 1234, Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, for emotional support rather than signposting · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.mind.org.uk/for-young-people/information-for-parents

The full list for general mental health, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/general-mental-health/services

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.