The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
Urgent help

Sleep, food and bodies

Sleep

A weight set down.

So much of a family’s day is decided in the hour around bedtime. These pages cover the toddler who won’t settle, the seven-year-old whose worries come out in the dark, and the teenager whose body clock has turned the wrong way round. They’re about bedtime routines, and the bedroom they happen in, at every age.

What to do first, what helps and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.

What the library holds on sleep

For a child aged

From the therapists

What to do first

Almost every family goes through a stretch when the evenings stop working. Sleep is a habit before it’s a problem, and habits can be rebuilt.

  1. Fix the wake-up time first. Everything else, bedtime included, adjusts to it.
  2. Tonight, move screens out of the bedroom, including yours if you’re the one settling your child. Charge them in the kitchen, and say why.
  3. Make the hour before bed predictable: do things in the same order, and keep the lighting and the ending the same. The predictability is what settles your child, not the length.

If you are worried about a child’s safety

Safeguarding: what to do and who to tellUrgent help
The first steps on this page, read aloud, in under a minute and a half.
Captions are available.Watch with audio description
The film in words

On screen: The navy cloth cover of The Parent Book, with its gold mark. Beneath the title: Sleep · What to do first.

On screen: The cover lifts, and the library’s page on sleep lies beneath it. Its drawing, a pillow, appears as if printed, captioned “A weight set down”.

So much of a family’s day is decided in the hour around bedtime.

On screen: The page’s opening sentence is underlined in gold. The page moves down to What to do first, from the therapists.

Almost every family goes through a stretch when the evenings stop working. Sleep is a habit before it’s a problem, and habits can be rebuilt.

On screen: “habits can be rebuilt” is underlined. The first of three steps is lifted from the page.

Fix the wake-up time first. Everything else, bedtime included, adjusts to it.

On screen: “Fix the wake-up time first” is underlined. The step is set back in its place, and the second is lifted.

Tonight, move screens out of the bedroom, including yours if you’re the one settling your child. Charge them in the kitchen, and say why.

On screen: “move screens out of the bedroom” is underlined. The step is set back in its place, and the third is lifted.

Make the hour before bed predictable: do things in the same order, and keep the lighting and the ending the same. The predictability is what settles your child, not the length.

On screen: “Make the hour before bed predictable” is underlined. The step is set back, and What to do first is seen whole, every step underlined, with the page’s own line beneath them: If you are worried about a child’s safety. Safeguarding: what to do and who to tell. Urgent help. Then the page’s head again.

What to do first, what helps and who else can help are free to read and to print.

On screen: “free to read and to print” is underlined, in the page’s own line. The page dissolves into the navy cover, and gold is laid into its mark: The Parent Book. Sleep · What to do first. theparentbook.com/help/sleep. Written by qualified therapists registered with the BACP and NCPS.

From the chapters

What helps

  1. Take devices out of the bedroom at night

    A bright screen in a dark bedroom works against sleep. Charge devices in the kitchen overnight.

  2. Start winding down 30 to 45 minutes before bed

    Go through bath, teeth, pyjamas, reading and low lights in the same order each night. The brain reads the sequence as “sleep is coming” and starts releasing melatonin, so it’s the predictability that makes it work.

Chapters

5 on sleep

The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.

The chapter to start with

The Hour Before Bed

For parents whose child’s bedtime has turned into an hour of worries, questions and meltdowns.

13 min read · Ages 4 to 11

Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.

  • Screen TimeFor parents who have lost the argument about screen hours, and suspect it was never quite the right argument to have. 8 min read
    Ages 4 to 18
  • When Reassurance Stops WorkingFor parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around them try. 10 min read
  • When Your Child Has Gone FlatA chapter for parents watching a child lose interest in the things they used to love. 21 min read
    Ages 9 to 16
  • Puberty, and the Body That Gets There FirstA chapter for parents whose child’s body has started to change, perhaps sooner than either of them expected. 19 min read
    Ages 7 to 16

Quick tips

8 on sleep

Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.

Bodies & growing up

The Body Too Awake for Bedtime

If your child is too wound up to sleep, slow yourself down at bedtime.

Try this

  • Put your phone in the drawer in the hall before you go in.

Bodies & growing up

The Early Riser

Some early waking can be changed and some can’t, and a two-week sleep diary will show you which you have.

Try this

  • Keep a two-week sleep diary and add up your child’s sleep each day, naps included.

From the tip

If you’ve tried all this for a few weeks and nothing has changed, or you’re too tired to cope, talk to your health visitor or GP.

Bodies & growing up

The Toddler Who Keeps Getting Out of Bed

Go back to your toddler before they get up, and when they do get up, take them back to bed without a conversation.

Try this

  • Go back with another kiss before your toddler gets up, leaving longer gaps as they settle.

From the tip

If a fortnight has changed nothing, or you’re too tired to keep going, talk to your health visitor or GP.

More quick tips on sleep

  • Bodies & growing up

    When Your Child Is Frightened at Night

    At this age a monster can feel real, so what settles your child is a room that stays the same all night and a parent who comes back when promised.

    2 min read · Under 7

  • Bodies & growing up

    When Your Teenager Cannot Fall Asleep Before Midnight

    Your teenager’s body clock has moved later; a fixed time to get up, morning light and phones out of the bedroom can help them fall asleep sooner.

    2 min read · Ages 13 to 18

  • Parent wellbeing

    When You Are the One Not Sleeping

    Lying awake night after night is a sign of overload, and a reason to see your GP.

    2 min read

  • Big feelings

    When Bedtime Has Become a Ritual

    Ordinary bedtime routines comfort a child; an OCD ritual runs on fear, and it changes best one step at a time.

    2 min read · Ages 5 to 11

  • Online life

    The Game That Runs Past Midnight

    For most teenagers gaming is where their friends are, so agree the end of the night with your teenager.

    2 min read · Ages 13 to 18

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Things to do together

5 on sleep

Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.

To do together · About 20 min

Reading in the same room

For the last twenty minutes before bed, everyone reads in one room, you included. Keep reading aloud to your child for longer than you think they need it.

What it is for. In our experience, slowing bedtime down helps more at the end of the day than starting a new routine. Reading beside your child, or to them, slows the last half hour with you in the room.

  1. The first step Slow down where you already are. Take the last twenty minutes before your child’s bedtime, in the room you are in, with the light you already have.

Safety. A printed book, not a screen: screens off about an hour before bed. Small torches often take button batteries, which are dangerous if swallowed; with young children in the house, use ones whose compartment screws shut.

When to get help. If bedtime has stopped working for weeks, not just a few nights, or your child’s sleep has changed along with a low or worried mood, talk to your GP. If something your child says at bedtime tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

More to do together

  • To do together

    The last half-hour before bed

    Choose the last half-hour before bed with your child, write it down in order and put it on the fridge. Then do it in that order most nights, slowly.

    About 30 min · Under 13 · With a sheet to print

  • To do together

    Where the phones sleep

    Every phone in the house charges overnight in one place outside the bedrooms, on a rule agreed with your teenager. Yours goes there first.

    About 10 min · Ages 11 to 18

  • To do together

    The interesting bit and the hard bit

    Ask your child one question at the end of the day, at supper or on the way home: what was interesting, and what was hard. Then answer it yourself.

    About 5 min · Ages 5 to 13

  • To do together

    Worry time, not at bedtime

    Ten minutes at the same time each afternoon for your child’s worries. If one comes up at another time, you listen, write it down and save it for then.

    About 10 min · Ages 5 to 13 · With a sheet to print

14 on sleep

Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.

To print and keep

The guide to sleep

What to do first, what helps, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.

See the sheet

Who else can help with sleep, on a sheet of its own.

Every sheet to print

Books and reading

18 on sleep

Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.

For you 7

  • Cover of Helping Your Child with Sleep Problems by Rachel Hiller and Michael Gradisar
     Helping Your Child with Sleep Problems Rachel Hiller and Michael Gradisar Sleep researchers set out a CBT-based programme for school-age children, covering bedtime resistance, night waking, night-time fears and worries, with gradual methods parents can choose between. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission

Also on this shelf

  • Cover of It’s Never Too Late to Sleep Train by Craig Canapari
     It’s Never Too Late to Sleep Train Craig Canapari
  • Cover of Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi A. Mindell
     Sleeping Through the Night Jodi A. Mindell
  • Cover of The Happy Sleeper by Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
     The Happy Sleeper Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
  • Cover of Generation Sleepless by Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
     Generation Sleepless Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright

And two more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

To read with your child 8

  • Cover of Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
     Goodnight Moon Margaret Wise Brown · Ages 1 to 4 A little rabbit says goodnight to everything in his room as the light fades. The slow, repetitive rhythm makes it an ideal part of a toddler’s bedtime routine. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission

Also on this shelf

  • Cover of Orion and the Dark by Emma Yarlett
     Orion and the Dark Emma Yarlett · Ages 3 to 7
  • Cover of The Awesome Power of Sleep: How Sleep Super-Charges Your Teenage Brain by Nicola Morgan
     The Awesome Power of Sleep: How Sleep Super-Charges Your Teenage Brain Nicola Morgan · Ages 11 to 16
  • Cover of What to Do When You Dread Your Bed by Dawn Huebner
     What to Do When You Dread Your Bed Dawn Huebner · Ages 6 to 12
  • Cover of Can’t You Sleep, Little Bear? by Martin Waddell
     Can’t You Sleep, Little Bear? Martin Waddell · Ages 2 to 5

And three more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

To read online 3

  • NHS

    Sleep and young children

    What to do when a young child will not go to bed, sleep tips for under-fives, and help for disabled children who find sleep hard.

  • Coram Family Lives

    Teenagers and sleep

    Explains the hormonal shift in the teenage body clock that makes late nights normal, the cost of sleep loss, and tips for getting a teenager up on time.

  • The Sleep Charity

    Bedtime Routines

    A calm, practical guide to building a bedtime routine, including a sample evening programme from bath to lights out and a downloadable advice sheet.

Podcasts and films

9 on sleep

Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.

Podcasts 5

Also on this shelf

  • Talking Sense with Dr Martha

    How to Respond to Nightmares and Night Terrors?

  • Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

    168: Teens and Sleep, with Journalist & Author Lisa L. Lewis

  • Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

    244: What If Anxiety Won’t Let My Teen Sleep?

  • Get a Grip - Evidence-Based Conversations for Parents and Educators

    Episode 182 - Dr Cassie Rhodes Talks with Dr Isabel Morales-Muñoz: Sleep in Babies and Young Children and its Impact on Later Mental Wellbeing

Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

Films 4

Also on this shelf

  • YouTube · 18 min

    Prof Russell Foster - Sleep and Young People

    Prof Russell Foster, YouTube

  • YouTube · 2 min

    My child has trouble going to sleep | Place2Be’s Parenting Smart

    Place2Be, YouTube

  • YouTube · 7 min

    How to Get Your Child To Sleep in Their Own Bed

    SPACE (Dr Eli Lebowitz), YouTube

Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.

Who else can help

Most sleep problems are habits rather than illness. The GP is the right first call if snoring, pain or breathing are part of it, or if the pattern has changed suddenly.

Where to start

  • Your GP

    The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.

    Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.

    www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp

  • Your child’s school

    The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.

    Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.

For sleep

  • The Sleep Charity

    The UK’s only national sleep helpline, staffed by trained sleep advisers, covering children from a year old, including autistic and ADHD children, and teenagers.

    When nothing you have tried has worked and you want someone to look at the whole pattern with you.

    Charged at your standard call rate, not free.

    National Sleep Helpline 03303 530 541 · Mon-Thu 9am-11am; Mon, Tue and Thu 7pm-9pm; closed bank holidays

    thesleepcharity.org.uk/national-sleep-helpline

  • NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers

    The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings.

    When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s.

    www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents

Every organisation for sleep, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist