The chapter to start with
Eating and Control
For parents whose family mealtimes have become about much more than food.
10 min read · Ages 11 to 18
Sleep, food and bodies
Eating disorders
Few parents come to this easily: the eight-year-old eating less and less, the twelve-year-old counting things, the older teenager whose body is changing too fast. Eating becomes the way a child says what they can’t yet put into words. We’ve been careful with everything here, and the clinical pathways are clearly marked.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print.
What the library holds on eating disorders
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
This is the one place in the library where waiting to see what happens is the wrong instinct. Early treatment changes the outcome more here than in almost anything else, and it isn’t your fault.
- See the GP this week. Ask for a physical check, including heart rate and blood pressure, and an eating disorder referral. Say the words out loud. Collapse, a fit, breathing difficulty, cannot be roused, or confused: call 999. Fainting, chest pain, unable to stand, cold to the touch or vomiting blood: A&E now.
- Tonight, don’t make food the battleground. Eat together, talk about other things, and stay in the room.
- Ring Beat, the eating disorder charity, to talk it through as a parent. And don’t comment on anyone’s body, including your own, at home.
Chapters
2 on eating disorders
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
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Body ImageFor parents who want their child to grow up comfortable in their own body.
15 min read
Ages 8 to 18
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
2 on eating disorders
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Bodies & growing up
When Mealtimes Are About Control
A child’s relationship with food is almost always about control.
Try this
- You decide what, when and where. Your child decides whether to eat and how much.
From the tip
If restriction has been creeping rather than holding steady, ring the GP.
Bodies & growing up
When Your Child Says Their Tummy Is Too Big
When a young child says their tummy is too big, ask them where the idea came from.
Try this
- Ask what made your child think that, and listen to the answer.
From the tip
If a doctor or school nurse has talked to you about your child’s growth, follow their advice.
Ring your GP and ask for the earliest appointment if your child starts refusing food or eating much less, hides food, seems frightened of putting on weight, gets upset after eating, or is losing weight or not growing as expected.
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
1 on eating disorders
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 30 min
One meal without phones, yours first
One regular meal where every phone in the house, starting with yours, stays in another room.
What it is for. A child learns what a phone is for by watching what the adults use theirs for. If every phone goes into another room at one meal, it becomes something the family does, and you do not have to police it.
- The first step Pick the meal you can keep most often: supper for some families, Saturday lunch for others.
- Step 3 Say it once, as something the family does: “At supper the phones live in the hall, mine too.” There is no need to police it; your phone in the hall is the reminder.
When to get help. If something said at the table suggests that someone is frightening or hurting your child, online or off, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child has stopped seeing friends in person, their sleep has collapsed, or their mood drops hard whenever the phone is away, talk to your GP or their school’s pastoral lead. If your child is avoiding family meals, eating less and less, or hiding food, do not wait: ask your GP for an early appointment.
The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
5 on eating disorders
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to eating disorders
What to do first, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with eating disorders, on a sheet of its own.
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Jobs in the kitchen, by age
For the kitchen · A4 · With a subscription
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At our table
For the grown-ups · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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What my body can do
Cards to fill in · A4, two pages: four cards, and a page for you · With a subscription
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Our screen plan
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
Books and reading
13 on eating disorders
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 9
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Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders Eva Musby Written by a parent who supported her daughter through anorexia, this detailed guide to family-based treatment covers mealtime support, what to say when a child refuses food, and how parents keep going.
Also on this shelf
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ARFID Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder Rachel Bryant-Waugh
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Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder James Lock and Daniel Le Grange
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When Your Teen Has an Eating Disorder Lauren Muhlheim
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Skills-based Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder Janet Treasure, Gráinne Smith and Anna Crane
And four more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 1
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The Eating Disorder Recovery Journal Cara Lisette · Ages 14 to 18 A creative journal with CBT and mindfulness activities for someone in recovery, written by a mental health nurse with lived experience of an eating disorder. Best used alongside a treatment team. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
To read online 3
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NHS
Advice for parents – Eating disorders
How to raise your worries with a child, mealtime tips while waiting for or during treatment, and getting support for yourself.
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Beat
Worried about a friend or family member
Where to start if you think your child may have an eating disorder: signs to notice, how to approach the conversation, and how to go to the GP.
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Beat
Your role in treatment
What parents can expect at each stage of treatment, including family-based therapy, confidentiality as a teenager gets older, and support for yourself.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
11 on eating disorders
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 5
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The Other Side Of The Plate
001 - Where to Start: Recognizing and Responding to Your Child’s Eating Disorder
F.E.A.S.T.’s opening episode for parents: recognising that a child may have an eating disorder, responding in the first days and weeks, and understanding the central role families play in treatment.
Also on this shelf
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F.E.A.S.T.
The Other Side Of The Plate
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Raising Good Humans
ARFID, Anorexia, Bulimia & Binge Eating: What Parents Need to Know with Dr. Erin Parks
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
289: Signs Your Teen is Heading Towards an Eating Disorder | Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar
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Get a Grip - Evidence-Based Conversations for Parents and Educators
Episode 88 - Dr Kathy Weston Talks with Eva Musby: A Parent’s Story of Supporting a Child with an Eating Disorder
Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 6
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YouTube · 2 min
Eating disorders can affect anyone
Beat, YouTube
Beat’s short film challenging the stereotype of who gets an eating disorder, a reminder that boys, younger children and people at any weight can be affected.
Also on this shelf
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YouTube · 6 min
Family Therapy for Eating Disorders (FT-AN/BN)
Maudsley Centre for Child and Adolescent Eating Disorders, YouTube
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YouTube · 16 min
Practical tips for families caring for a child with an eating disorder
Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust, YouTube
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YouTube · 35 min
Eating Disorders Meal Support: Helpful Approaches for Families (Full Video)
Kelty Mental Health (BC Children’s Hospital), YouTube
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YouTube · 1 min
What are the early signs of an eating disorder?
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
And one more. Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
This one is medical, and early treatment matters more than in almost anything else in this library. See the GP this week and ask for a physical check and an eating disorder referral.
Where to start
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
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NHS 111, and Lifeline in Northern Ireland
The mental health crisis line for your area. Free, confidential and answered twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year.
When you or your child is in mental health crisis and it will not wait for a GP appointment.
England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option
Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 -
Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
For eating disorders
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Beat (the UK’s eating disorder charity)
The UK’s eating disorder charity. A free helpline, webchat and email, and, for parents specifically, a free twelve-week one-to-one support programme and an online learning hub for families.
As soon as eating has become a worry, and alongside the GP, not instead. You do not need a diagnosis to call.
BEAT Helplines England 0808 801 0677, Scotland 0808 801 0432, Wales 0808 801 0433, Northern Ireland 0808 801 0434 · Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm · One-to-one webchat and email (help@, Scotlandhelp@, Waleshelp@ or NIhelp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk) at the same hours · Outside those hours the line is closed. If your child is physically unwell, use the urgent routes on this page, which are open when this line is not.
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else
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NHS: eating disorders, advice for parents
The NHS’s own page for parents: how to raise it with your child, what to do at mealtimes, and how to look after yourself while you do.
The first thing to read, before the GP appointment.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/advice-for-parents
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Charlie Waller Trust
A free course of five online workshops for parents and carers of a young person with an eating disorder, teaching the Maudsley carer-skills approach: what to say, how to respond to difficult behaviour, how to plan for setbacks.
Once treatment is underway and you want to be part of it rather than watching it. Dates are on the page.
charliewaller.org/what-we-offer/eating-disorder-workshops-for-parents-and-carers
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FEAST (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders)
Parents of children with eating disorders supporting other parents: a long-running forum, moderated groups, a free thirty-day daily email for families at the start, and peer mentoring.
From the first weeks, when you need to hear from people a year ahead of you. International, so treatment questions go to Beat and the NHS.
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YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line.
Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
Every organisation for eating disorders, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist