The interesting bit and the hard bit

The activity

Ask your child one question at the end of the day, at supper or on the way home: what was interesting, and what was hard. Then answer it yourself.

What it is for. A child who fears getting things wrong finds it hard to say what the best bit of their day was, because it feels like a test with a right answer. They can tell you what was interesting and what was hard without feeling judged.

• The first step. Change the question without making a thing of it: “What was the most interesting thing today?” Then, straight away or a little later: “And what was the hardest bit?”

When to get help. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. If for several weeks nothing has been interesting, or the hard bits are spreading into your child’s sleep, eating, friendships or school, talk to their school and your GP.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Perfectionism. For parents whose child can’t bear to get anything wrong.
• The Hour Before Bed. For parents whose child’s bedtime has turned into an hour of worries, questions and meltdowns.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Perfectionism. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Sleep. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.