The interesting bit and the hard bit

The activity

Ask her one question at the end of the day, at supper or on the way home: what was interesting, and what was hard. Then answer it yourself.

What it is for. A child who fears getting things wrong finds it hard to say what the best bit of her day was, because it feels like a test with a right answer. She can tell you what was interesting and what was hard without feeling judged.

• The first step. Change the question without making a thing of it: “What was the most interesting thing today?” Then, straight away or a little later: “And what was the hardest bit?”

When to get help. If her hard bit is that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If for several weeks nothing has been interesting, or the hard bits are spreading into her sleep, eating, friendships or school, talk to her school and your GP.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Perfectionism. For parents whose child can’t bear to get anything wrong.
• The Hour Before Bed. For parents whose child’s bedtime has turned into an hour of worries, questions and meltdowns.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Perfectionism. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Sleep. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.