The chapter to start with
Body Image
For parents who want their child to grow up comfortable in their own body.
15 min read · Ages 8 to 18
Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.
Sleep, food and bodies
Body image
These pages are about how a child sees themselves in the mirror and where that view came from, including the conversations parents don’t realise they’re having, magazines and social media feeds, changing rooms and PE kits. We’ve written about it carefully, for parents of children at every age.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.
What the library holds on body image
For a child aged
From the therapists
What to do first
A child learns how to talk about their body mostly from the adults around them, which means your child can learn a different way. What you say about your own body does most of the teaching.
- Stop the commentary about bodies, starting with what you say about your own. Children pay more attention to what you say about your body than to anything you tell them about theirs.
- Praise what your child’s body does, not how it looks: they climbed the thing, they swam further than last week.
- If eating has changed and not changed back, treat it as a medical question and see the GP.
Chapters
3 on body image
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
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Eating and ControlFor parents whose family mealtimes have become about much more than food.
10 min read
Ages 11 to 18 -
Puberty, and the Body That Gets There FirstA chapter for parents whose child’s body has started to change, perhaps sooner than either of them expected.
19 min read
Ages 7 to 16
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Quick tips
9 on body image
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Bodies & growing up
The Boy Whose Voice Is Changing
Once your son’s voice starts to crack, have a short, matter-of-fact talk with him about puberty.
Try this
- Have the conversation on a walk, side by side.
Bodies & growing up
The First Bra Conversation
Take your daughter’s question about a first bra seriously, and treat the shopping as an everyday errand.
Try this
- Take her seriously, and shop together at a department store that measures properly.
Bodies & growing up
What Your Child Hears You Say About Bodies
In their first decade, a child’s body image is built almost entirely from what they hear adults say.
Try this
- Don’t run down your own body in front of your child.
More quick tips on body image
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Bodies & growing up
When Your Child Says Their Tummy Is Too Big
When a young child says their tummy is too big, ask them where the idea came from.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 9
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Bodies & growing up
The First Period That Arrived at School
When your daughter’s first period starts at school, take her home and treat the rest of the afternoon as normal.
1 min read · Ages 9 to 13
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Online life
The Friends the Algorithm Chose
The platform chooses what’s in your child’s feed to keep them watching, and it can leave them feeling flat.
2 min read · Ages 11 to 16
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Online life
The Feed Full of Diets and Bodies
If your child’s feed is full of diets and bodies, reset it with them and explain how it works.
1 min read · Ages 11 to 18
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Bodies & growing up
When Puberty Starts at Eight
In a girl, puberty at eight is within the normal range, and girls who feel prepared and accepted at home tend to fare better.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 11
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Bodies & growing up
What Your Son Will Not Ask You
Some of what a boy needs to know about puberty is awkward to ask, so tell him before he has to.
2 min read · Ages 9 to 16
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Things to do together
1 on body image
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 10 min
What my body can do
Now and then, each of you writes a few things your body did this week: something it managed, something it felt, something it mended. Nobody mentions how anyone looks.
What it is for. What a child hears at home about bodies, including what adults say about their own, affects how the child sees their own body. Noticing what their body did this week, from running for the bus to healing a graze, gives them a way to think about it that has nothing to do with how it looks.
- The first step Go first, with plain facts about your own body this week: “My legs got me up four flights of stairs when the lift broke. My body got over a cold.”
- Step 2 Ask your child to write or draw a few of theirs. Anything counts: a cartwheel, a hug, laughing until it hurt, tasting something new, sleeping, growing, healing a graze.
When to get help. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child seems to spend a lot of time worrying about their weight or shape, is eating very little, is exercising too much or has strict rules about food, tell them you’re worried and see your GP soon; don’t wait to be sure. If harsh talk about their body goes on for several weeks alongside a low or anxious mood, talk to their school and your GP.
The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
To print
5 on body image
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
The guide to body image
What to do first, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with body image, on a sheet of its own.
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What my body can do
Cards to fill in · A4, two pages: four cards, and a page for you · With a subscription
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At our table
For the grown-ups · A4, two sides · With a subscription
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Jobs in the kitchen, by age
For the kitchen · A4 · With a subscription
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What to say: growing up
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · With a subscription
Books and reading
27 on body image
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
For you 9
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Beauty Sick Renee Engeln Psychologist Renee Engeln, who runs a body image lab at Northwestern University, explains how appearance pressure drains girls’ time, money and mood, and what adults can say instead of commenting on bodies. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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Raising Body Positive Teens Signe Darpinian, Wendy Sterling and Shelley Aggarwal
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More Than a Body Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite
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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Rob Willson, David Veale and Alexandra Clarke
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This Is So Awkward Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett
And four more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read with your child 16
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Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys Charlotte Markey, Daniel Hart and Douglas Zacher · Ages 10 to 16 A rare book on body image written for boys, covering puberty, muscle ideals, social media, sport and self-talk. Plain, friendly and grounded in research. Affiliate link: we earn a small commission
Also on this shelf
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The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless Charlotte Markey · Ages 10 to 16
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Appearance Anxiety: A Guide to Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder for Young People, Families and Professionals The National and Specialist OCD, BDD and Related Disorders Service · Ages 13 to 18
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Banish Your Body Image Thief Kate Collins-Donnelly · Ages 10 to 16
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Bodies Are Cool Tyler Feder · Ages 3 to 6
And eleven more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
To read online 2
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Coram Family Lives
Body image
For parents of teenagers: the influences on how they see their bodies, signs of a problem, how to talk about it, and encouraging healthy choices without focusing on weight.
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Place2Be
Helping your child develop a positive body image
How children pick up messages about bodies from adults and media, and ways to talk about food, exercise and appearance that protect their self-worth.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Podcasts and films
5 on body image
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Podcasts 3
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
184: How Do I Support a Teen Who Hates Her Body?
Damour and Ninan answer a parent whose teenage daughter says she hates her body, looking at how to respond to body talk at home and how to support a teenager’s relationship with their appearance.
Also on this shelf
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Speaking of Psychology
Social media, looksmaxxing, and why men struggle with body image, with Roberto Olivardia, PhD
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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life
289: Signs Your Teen is Heading Towards an Eating Disorder | Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar
Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Films 2
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YouTube · 19 min
Navigating Teen Body Image: A Parent’s Guide with Anastassis Spiliadis
Dr Bettina Hohnen with Anastassis Spiliadis, YouTube
A UK clinical psychologist and a family therapist discuss how parents can support a teenager’s body image, including how to talk about food, weight and appearance at home.
Also on this shelf
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YouTube · 6 min
Social Media and Self-Esteem - Body Image | Depression | Mental Health | Child Mind Institute
Child Mind Institute, YouTube
Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Who else can help
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Where to start
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Your GP
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
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Your child’s school
The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school.
Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
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Private therapy, if you can meet the cost
A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with.
When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out in our guide to finding a therapist.
For body image
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Beat (the UK’s eating disorder charity)
The UK’s eating disorder charity. A free helpline, webchat and email, and, for parents specifically, a free twelve-week one-to-one support programme and an online learning hub for families.
As soon as eating has become a worry, and alongside the GP, not instead. You do not need a diagnosis to call.
BEAT Helplines England 0808 801 0677, Scotland 0808 801 0432, Wales 0808 801 0433, Northern Ireland 0808 801 0434 · Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm · One-to-one webchat and email (help@, Scotlandhelp@, Waleshelp@ or NIhelp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk) at the same hours · Outside those hours the line is closed. If your child is physically unwell, use the urgent routes on this page, which are open when this line is not.
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else
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Brook
The young people’s sexual health charity. Calm pages for parents on puberty, periods and talking about sex and relationships at home.
When the question has arrived in the back of the car. Reading; the clinics are for young people themselves.
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YoungMinds
The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about.
When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line.
Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not.
Every organisation for body image, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist