When He Repeats What Influencers Say About Women

Being curious without blame can help him see you as someone to talk to, so ask what he likes about them first.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 11 to 16.

Where to start

Ask what he likes about the people he quotes before you give your view.
If he talks about hurting or hating women and girls, tell his school’s designated safeguarding lead that day.
Keep an eye on his mood as well as his opinions. A government-commissioned study of adult incels found poor mental health was common among them. If he talks about harming himself or not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe. He can also talk to a counsellor himself. Childline, 0800 1111. For anyone under 19 in the UK. There is a one-to-one chat online at https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/. Help is free and available at any hour.
It becomes a safeguarding matter if he talks about hurting women or girls, praises men who have attacked them, voices hatred of women or girls as a group, or becomes fixed on these ideas while pulling away from friends and family. That day, talk to his school’s designated safeguarding lead. They may raise Prevent, a national programme that aims to stop people becoming terrorists or supporting terrorism: the support it offers is voluntary, it isn’t a punishment, and a referral isn’t a criminal record. If the school is closed, or you want advice first, you can ask the police’s ACT Early advice line and website yourself, without giving your name.
If anyone is in danger now, don’t wait. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

Your Child’s Online World. For parents who have seen something on their child’s phone that they can’t unsee.
When They Stop Talking to You. For parents whose teenager hardly talks to them any more.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Online safety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Social media. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.