The third ring around a family. Grandparents, godparents, the neighbour across the road, the church or mosque or synagogue, the school gate, the helpline, the GP. Most parenting questions are easier to hold when a parent is not holding them alone. The pages here are for the parent learning to ask.
Asking for help is not a failure of independence. Almost every family we sit with has needed something at some point, and the ones who ask early do better than the ones who hold out.
Write down what would actually help this month. Practical, small, specific.
Ask one person. Most people say yes and are glad to be asked.
Ask the school what the local offer is. Schools hold information about local support that families rarely find on their own.
Some tips to try
Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.
Asking for Help That Feels Like Failing.The parent who asks for help has noticed something true.
Ask for one specific thing: “Can you collect her on Thursday.”
Specific requests get specific answers; general requests get sympathy.
Home-Start UK visits families across the country; the local branch is the first call.
Something to watch: Carers UK YouTube channel, Carers UK, YouTube.The UK’s only national membership charity for unpaid carers, fifty years old this year. Their channel covers the practical and emotional territory of caring for an ill or disabled family member, including a video series on staying active and well as a carer. For the parent who is also caring for a partner, a parent of their own, or a child with a long-term condition.www.youtube.com/user/CarersUK
Where else to go
For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.
Your child’s school.The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps.Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
Your local authority.The council’s children’s services and SEND team. They hold statutory assessment, the Local Offer, and early help for families who need more than a school can give.When school-level support has been tried and is not enough, or when you want to know what your area actually provides.www.gov.uk/find-local-council
Netmums.A long-established UK parenting community. The right signpost when the parent needs community, not a clinician.Chapters where what the parent needs is to hear from other parents going through the same thing. Particularly useful for isolation, early-years bewilderment, and the everyday textures of family life. Treat with editorial care: peer support, not professional support.Support from other parents rather than professional advice.www.netmums.com
Home-Start UK.The UK’s family-support network of trained volunteers visiting families at home. The right pointer for the parent who needs the kind of help no friend can fully give, particularly in the early years.Quick tips or chapters touching parental isolation, single-parent burnout, illness in the family, or the parent simply finding the early years harder than expected. Local Home-Start charities operate across the UK and recruit volunteers from their communities. No central helpline; the right move is to find the local branch via the postcode lookup on home-start.org.uk.What is offered, and how long the wait is, vary by area. The local branch is the right first call.www.home-start.org.uk
Family Lives.A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child.When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity.Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.ukwww.familylives.org.uk
Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.