When a Parent Is Seriously Ill

This chapter is for families in which a mother or father has a serious physical illness: cancer, a stroke, a heart condition, multiple sclerosis, motor neurone disease, or another illness that brings hospital, treatment and change at home. It is for the parent who is ill and for whoever else is looking after the children, and it follows the illness as most families meet it: the diagnosis, the treatment and the time in hospital, recovery or remission for many, and, for some, the point at which a parent is not expected to live.

It is about the children: what to tell them, what they need, and what to watch for. Most of the guidance here comes from Macmillan Cancer Support and Marie Curie, and was written with cancer in mind; where another illness asks something different, we say so. None of it rests on trials. If a parent’s mental health is part of what is going on at home, When You Are Not All Right is the chapter for that, and When a Child Is Grieving is about the months after a death.

Telling them, and when

Children notice when something is wrong at home, often before anyone tells them: the letters from the hospital, the phone calls taken in another room, a parent who is suddenly exhausted. They often find out what is going on whether or not they have been told, and a child left without an explanation tends to make up one of their own, which may well be that it is their fault. An older child may go looking online or on social media, and get it wrong.

So tell them soon, before they start working it out and worrying on their own. If you need a day or two to take in the news yourself, tell them something true in the meantime: that something is happening, that you’ll explain more soon, and that it isn’t because of anything they did. The Day Your Diagnosis Came is about those first days.

Use the real name of the illness. Vague phrases such as a bit poorly confuse children, and children hear about illness at school, on television and online, where what they come across isn’t always accurate. It is better that the word comes first from you. If the treatment is an operation, with a five-year-old it might be: I’ve got an illness called cancer. It’s a lump inside me that shouldn’t be there, and the doctors are going to do an operation to take it out. After a stroke: Dad’s had a stroke. That’s why his arm and his words aren’t working properly at the moment, and the doctors and nurses are helping him get better.

Decide beforehand what you’ll say, and start by asking your child what they already know. If you can, have another adult your child trusts there too, tell brothers and sisters together, including the younger ones, and choose a time that isn’t bedtime. Use short sentences, follow your child’s questions, and expect to say it more than once: children under seven often need to hear the same thing several times. If your child is autistic or has a learning disability, go slowly, give a little at a time, use the same words each time, and show what will happen on a calendar or in a drawing.

Children often have fears they don’t mention. These are the ones to answer before you’re asked.

That it’s their fault. A young child may believe that something they did or thought made their parent ill. Say it plainly, more than once: Nothing you did or said or thought made this happen.

That they could catch it. If the illness can’t be caught, as cancer can’t, tell them so, and that it’s safe to sit close, to hug and to kiss, unless the hospital team has given you different advice about a particular treatment.

Who will look after them. Tell them there will always be someone to look after them, and make it specific: who takes them to school on hospital days, who is there at bedtime if a parent can’t be, and who they can ring.

Whether their parent will die. If many people with this illness get better, tell them so, and that the doctors are working to make their mum or dad well. Don’t promise what you don’t know. You can say you don’t know yet, as long as you add that you’ll tell them when you do. If the news is less hopeful, the section below on when a parent is not expected to live is about that conversation.

The first conversation is a beginning. Children come back to it in their own time, often with a question that seems to come from nowhere a week later; the activity A notebook for the questions gives them a way to ask in writing. The Conversation With the Children About Your Illness has words for each age, and The Conversations Parents Avoid is about saying hard things a little at a time. Tell the other adults in your child’s life what you’ve said, and in what words, so that your child hears the same thing from all of them: grandparents, close friends, the school, and your child’s other parent if you live apart.

Treatment, hospital and the changes children see

Tell children in advance how treatment may change the way their parent looks and how much their parent can do. If chemotherapy may make hair fall out, say so before it starts, and say what will be done about it: a wig, a hat, a scarf. Explain that treatment can make a person very tired, and that their mum or dad will need a lot of rest. If your child wants to see a scar, it is usually fine to let them, once the swelling and redness have settled. If there will be a drip or a tube when your child visits, tell them what it is for before they see it, and do the same for anything that arrives at home, such as a hospital bed or a wheelchair.

Other illnesses bring other changes. After a stroke, a parent may come home with numbness down one side of the body, problems with speech, swallowing or sight, difficulty with memory, concentration and mood, and tiredness; tell your child which of these to expect. With motor neurone disease, the changes are visible, so the children will see them whether or not anyone explains. Whatever the illness, tell your child that someone who looks different is still the same person.

### Hospital visits

Check first with the parent who is ill, who may not want to be seen in hospital, and with the ward, since some wards restrict visits by children. Then ask your child whether they’d like to visit, and let them decide. Feelings about visits can change on both sides. If your child has a cough, a cold, diarrhoea or vomiting, keep them at home and use a phone or video call instead: treatment such as chemotherapy can make it easier for their parent to catch an infection.

Before a first visit, describe what your child will see: the ward, the bed, the staff, any machines and what they do, and other patients who may be very unwell. Start in a day room if there is one, keep visits short for younger children, give older ones some time alone with their parent, and take snacks and something to do. Help your child wash their hands, or use the hand gel, when they go in to see their parent and when they leave. Have another adult ready to take your child home if it gets too much. Before Your Child Visits a Parent in Hospital is the short version.

If your child doesn’t want to visit, or can’t, keep in touch in other ways: phone or video calls, a photo of their parent, notes to find at home, drawings to take in. If English isn’t your family’s first language, ask the hospital for an interpreter. Children should not be used as interpreters.

### Keeping the week going

At home, keep as much of the week the same as you can. For a baby or toddler, try to make sure that whoever looks after them on hospital days is someone they already know. Keep school, clubs and friends going, and tell children it’s all right to enjoy themselves; some need to hear that a party, a match or a sleepover is still allowed while a parent is ill. The Weeks That the Treatment Takes is about getting through the months of treatment, and the activity The week on the fridge, written for a week across two homes, can show who collects your child on hospital days in the same way.

### What to watch for

Problems with eating, sleeping or bed-wetting, or problems at school, can be signs that a child is finding things hard. If they last, or anything about your child worries you, ask for help: the GP, your child’s teachers, the school nurse, the hospital’s psychological services or, for a child under five, the health visitor. The doctor or specialist nurse treating the parent can tell you what counselling there is. If your child’s low mood has lasted most days for two weeks or more, the box at the top of this page says when to see the GP; if they have hurt themselves, talked of not wanting to be here, or said they want to go with their parent or to die too, it says how to act that day.

The jobs that drift to a child

Children often help more when a parent is ill, and some of that does them good: making a drink, or reading aloud to the parent who is ill, can help a child feel included. When You Are Not All Right sets out where helping turns into caring, and what the law in England says about young carers, and all of it applies here. What a physical illness changes is the kind of help that drifts to a child.

The jobs young carers do include cooking, cleaning and shopping; helping someone out of bed or getting them dressed; giving medicines and collecting prescriptions; and comforting someone who is distressed. In a long illness these jobs can build up without anyone deciding that they should. When you look at what your child is doing, the lifting, the washing and dressing, and the medicines are the jobs to hand back to adults first.

Watch, too, for the job nobody has given your child: being the person at home who would have to act if something went wrong. A child who won’t go to a friend’s house after school, or wants their phone switched on in lessons, may have put themselves on call. Tell your child who would deal with an emergency while they are at school or out, and that it isn’t them.

If caring has become part of your child’s life, they are entitled to have it looked at. In England, the council must arrange a young carer’s needs assessment if your child or you ask for one, and look again if things change, and the assessor must consider your child’s education and leisure as well as the caring. In Scotland, the council, or sometimes the health board or, for a child at an independent school, the school itself, must offer a young carer statement to any child it identifies as a young carer, and prepare one if a young carer asks. It covers what the child does and how it affects them, how far they are able and willing to do it, plans for an emergency, and breaks. In Wales, a young carer has a right to a carer’s needs assessment from the council, and the national young carers ID card gives them a quick way to show that they are one.

The Children’s Society’s website has a finder for the young carers’ project nearest you, and explains your child’s rights. Carers Trust, a UK charity for unpaid carers, has a finder for local carer services too. For the adults, a national carers’ charity advises on carer’s assessments, benefits and work. Carers UK, 0808 808 7777. Email enquiries@carersuk.org. Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, including bank holidays. Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free.

What to tell the school

Tell the school early: the class teacher or form tutor, the school nurse, and in a nursery the staff who look after your child. A school may have a wellbeing officer or a particular teacher your child can go to; ask, and ask too whether someone leads on young carers. With a teenager, agree first what the school will be told, and by whom.

Keep it short and specific: what the illness is, in a sentence; what the next weeks look like, such as hospital days and treatment weeks; who is collecting your child and who to call; and the words you have used at home, so that the school can use the same ones. You don’t need to give medical details. Then ask for what would help: a named adult, a way to step out of a lesson, some allowance with homework in treatment weeks, and a call if the school notices a change. The Young Carer the School Misses has wording for the first email.

If your teenager has GCSEs or A levels during the illness, ask the exams officer about special consideration. The school decides whether your teenager qualifies and makes the application, after talking it through with you. The adjustment is slight, a few per cent of the marks at most, and the exam boards’ joint guidance lists the terminal illness of a parent, and the life-threatening illness of a close family member, among the circumstances it covers. It covers how things are when the exams are sat, not revision lost earlier in a long illness, and is applied for then, so talk to the school before the exams begin.

Teenagers in particular

Teenagers may look the illness up whatever you tell them, and they often know more than adults expect. So tell them more, and tell them first. Talk to them as you would to an adult, offer to look things up together, and help them work out whether what they find is accurate and relevant to their parent. If they want to, they can give you questions to take to the specialist nurse.

Expect a teenager to say less than you hope. Teenagers value their independence and still look to their parents for reassurance, so keep the usual rules, don’t press them to talk, and be around at the times they tend to. They may take on more at home just when they want more freedom, and feel angry or guilty about it. Thank them for what they do, out loud, and keep an eye on how much it is. Tell them that you may need their help, and that their schoolwork matters as well. A sixteen-year-old girl who does the shopping, the school run for her younger brother and her mother’s medicines in the week of her mocks is doing too much, however willingly.

It matters that a teenager has someone outside the family to talk to, and a support group may suit them better than counselling. Hope Support Services is a UK charity for young people of five to twenty-five when someone they love has a serious illness. It is not a helpline: its one-to-one support online, and its online community, start with a form on its website, which young people can fill in themselves. Your teenager can also talk to Childline, which is listed under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page. The Teenager Who Looks Everything Up is the short version of this section.

When a parent is not expected to live

For some families there comes a point at which the doctors say that the illness can no longer be cured. That is not always the same as being told that a parent is dying: many illnesses that cannot be cured can be kept under control for years, among them multiple sclerosis, heart failure and some advanced cancers. So ask the team what they expect before you decide what to tell the children.

When treatment can no longer control the illness, children may sense that something has changed before they are told. Begin by asking your child what they understand about what has been happening, and then tell them that their parent is going to get more ill.

When the doctors say that the parent is expected to die from the illness, and has only a short time to live, tell your child, and use the words die and dying. Avoid the phrases adults reach for, lost, passed away, gone away, going to sleep: a child told that a parent has gone away may feel abandoned, and young children told that someone has gone to sleep may become frightened of going to sleep. For a younger child the words might be: You know Mum has been very ill for a long time, and the doctors have been trying to make her better. They’ve told us the medicine can’t make her better any more. She is going to get more ill, and she is going to die. We don’t know exactly when. It isn’t anyone’s fault, and you will always be looked after. If you are the parent who is ill and want to tell your child yourself: The doctors have told me the medicine can’t make me better any more. I’m going to get more ill, and I’m going to die. We don’t know exactly when. It isn’t anyone’s fault, and you will always be looked after.

You don’t have to say it all at once. Say it in parts, so that your child can take it in, and add to it as things change; practise the words with another adult first. Your child may have no questions at first, or very hard ones, and you can say you don’t know. Children worry about who will look after them, and some stop talking in order to protect the adults; tell them they don’t have to. Be as honest and as hopeful as you can. You can be truthful about the illness and still look forward to things together: the weekend, a visit, a birthday.

Don’t leave it late. A child who finds out afterwards that the adults were not honest may find the death harder to cope with. In a Swedish study of young people who had lost a parent to cancer at thirteen to sixteen, almost all of them said, six to nine years later, that teenagers should be told when a parent’s death is close, in the last hours or days. Many had not been told, and four in ten had not realised, even a couple of hours before, that their parent was about to die. When death is close, tell them.

Let your child choose how involved to be. Ask whether they want to visit, whether they want to help, and whether they want to say goodbye. Some children want to say goodbye and some don’t. If your child can’t see their parent before the death, tell them it is nobody’s fault.

Grief can begin before a death; it is often called anticipatory grief. A child’s stress is often at its highest before a bereavement, because of fear and not knowing. Some children become more anxious as their parent becomes more ill, and others seem to have begun getting used to the idea. If your child says they want to go with their parent, or to die too, act that day, as the box above sets out.

If there is time, a parent who knows they are going to die can make a memory box for their child, or with them: photographs, favourite music, letters, a recorded message. Offer it, and take no for an answer; you can offer again another time. The activity A box for the memories includes a version to make beforehand.

Ask the team caring for the parent what support there is for the children; pre-bereavement counselling gives a child a chance to talk about their feelings and worries before a death. Marie Curie runs a free support line for people with a terminal illness and their families, which also helps after a death. If the illness is cancer and your youngest child is under twenty-five, the Ruth Strauss Foundation offers free support anywhere in the UK to parents with an incurable cancer diagnosis, with peer groups for parents and for teenagers.

Tell the school what is happening, what your child knows and the words you have used, how to reach you, and what should happen if your child needs to come home at short notice. When the death comes, the school will need to know before your child goes back. When a Child Is Grieving is about the weeks and months that follow.

At different ages

Go by what your child understands, more than by their age.

If your child is under five. Babies and toddlers won’t understand the illness, but they notice when their routine changes. Children of three to five may blame themselves, become clingy, or go back to things they had grown out of, such as thumb-sucking, wetting the bed or tantrums. Tell them more than once that it isn’t their fault, and use a doll or a drawing to show where the illness is and what the doctors are doing. Children under five don’t yet understand that death is permanent, so a young child whose parent is dying may expect their parent to come back, and ask the same questions many times. Answer truthfully each time.

If your child is between five and eleven. Some children this age become unusually good. Between five and eight, some believe their own thoughts or actions can make things happen, so tell them plainly that nothing they did caused the illness. The school can help too, once it knows. From about nine, children understand that death is final and what it would mean for their own future, and some keep their feelings to themselves so as not to upset the adults, which can come out as anger, stomach aches or withdrawal. A ten-year-old boy who has stopped talking at home and is in trouble at school may be doing exactly that.

If your child is eleven or older. Teenagers have an adult understanding of death. Give them the real information, including, if it comes to it, that the illness can no longer be cured, that their parent is going to die and, when the time comes, that death is close. If your child is eighteen or older and living away, at university or at work, tell them at a time when they won’t be on their own afterwards, and agree how they will hear any news.

The adults at home

If you are the parent who is ill, you may want to protect the children from all of it. The wish is natural, and the changes are often visible anyway. What you can protect them from is detail they don’t need: children need short explanations they can follow, and adults they can trust, more than a lot of information.

If you are the adult at home who isn’t ill, you may be running the household, the hospital visits and the children’s questions at once, and putting your own worry last. Ask for help early, and ask specifically: one person for one job, such as a school run or a meal each week. If you give your partner regular care, you are entitled to a carer’s assessment of your own from the council, or in Northern Ireland the health and social care trust, whatever kind of care it is. A national cancer charity runs a free support line for anyone affected by cancer. Macmillan Cancer Support, 0808 808 00 00. Every day 8am-8pm. Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free.

If you are bringing up your children on your own, or their other parent lives elsewhere, decide now who would step in if you were admitted to hospital at short notice, and tell your children who that is. If the illness can no longer be cured, a will is where you can set out your wishes for who will look after children under eighteen; the rules differ in Scotland and Northern Ireland, and Marie Curie has a guide to making a will when you are terminally ill.

If you, or the other adult at home, have become very low or anxious, When You Are Not All Right is about that. If you are not sure you can keep yourself safe, do not wait until morning: use the 111 route under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of this page, and if you are in danger now, call 999.

Tonight, write down three names: the adult who will look after the children on hospital days, the person at school who will keep an eye on them, and one friend who has offered to help and who will now be given a job.

NOTES

1. Macmillan Cancer Support. Talking to children and teenagers about cancer, reviewed 1 March 2024, next review 1 March 2027. That children often find out what is going on whether or not they are told; talking before they start to worry, asking what they already know, having another trusted adult there, telling brothers and sisters together and not only the older ones, avoiding bedtime, repeating things for children under seven, and going slowly, a little at a time and with calendars or drawings, for children with additional needs. The reassurances children under ten need: that nothing they did or thought caused it, that cancer cannot be caught, and that someone will always look after them. For six to twelves, fears they do not talk about, unusual goodness, that many people with cancer get better, and that it is all right to enjoy themselves. For babies and toddlers, routine and a familiar carer; for three to fives, guilt, clinginess, regression and a doll or drawing. For teenagers, looking things up online, judging whether it is accurate, talking to them as adults, independence and reassurance, the usual rules, extra responsibilities and anger or guilt about them, someone outside the family, and support groups. Telling nursery staff, teachers and the school nurse, and involving teenagers in decisions about school.
2. Macmillan Cancer Support. Talking to children and teenagers when an adult has cancer, booklet MAC5766, fifth edition, March 2024, next planned review March 2027 (PDF). Telling children in advance about changes in how a parent looks, hair loss, tiredness, scars (best seen once the swelling and redness settle down), drips and tubes (pages 46 to 49); that chemotherapy can make it easier to get a cold or infection (page 47); hospital visits, from letting children decide to a day room first, short visits for younger children, time alone for older ones, snacks, an adult ready to take them home, and keeping in touch (pages 52 and 53); the signs that a child is struggling and who to ask (pages 33 and 34); routines and school (pages 22 to 25); teenagers who take on caring, and their schoolwork (page 41). When treatment no longer controls the cancer: children sensing the change, asking what they understand, telling them the person will get more ill, being as honest and hopeful as possible, children worrying about who will care for them and staying silent to protect adults (page 60). For people with a short time to live, talking about dying: clear language, talking in parts and practising the words (page 62); avoiding lost, passed away, gone away and going to sleep, which may make young children afraid of going to sleep (page 63); memory boxes (page 67).
3. Marie Curie. Supporting a child or teenager when someone has a terminal illness, published 20 January 2025, next review 20 January 2031. Vague phrases confuse children; children who are not told may misread what they see or search online and get it wrong; finding out later that adults were not honest could affect how a child copes with the death; it is all right not to know; helping in little ways, such as making a drink or reading; routines; checking with the ill person before a visit, and that feelings about visits change; asking whether a child wants to visit, help and say goodbye; reassuring a child that someone who looks different is the same person; talking to the school; children growing more anxious, or getting used to the idea, as the person becomes more ill; and that it is nobody’s fault if a child cannot see the person before they die.
4. MND Association. For parents and guardians affected by MND, updated 26 February 2026, next review February 2027. That wanting to protect children is natural and that the changes in MND are visible; that children left to imagine things fill the gaps and may blame themselves; that teenagers often know more than adults expect and may find alarming or wrong information online.
5. NHS. Recovering from a stroke, reviewed 12 September 2024, next review 12 September 2027. The effects that rehabilitation after a stroke works on: numbness down one side of the body, speech, swallowing and vision, memory, concentration and mood, and tiredness.
6. NHS. Visiting someone in hospital, reviewed 14 April 2023, with a review due on 14 April 2026 that has passed. Checking the arrangements with the ward before a visit, and that there can be restrictions on children visiting; that nobody should visit with a cough, cold, diarrhoea, vomiting or any other infectious condition; and cleaning hands with soap and water or hand rub when entering or leaving a patient’s room.
7. Child Bereavement UK. Supporting children when someone is dying, updated 3 October 2024. That children need short explanations they can follow, more than detail, and adults they can trust; and that children should not be used as interpreters.
8. Carers Trust. About young carers, undated, read October 2026. The jobs young carers do, including physical care such as helping someone out of bed, personal care such as helping someone dress, giving medicine and collecting prescriptions; its finder for local carer services.
9. NHS. Being a young carer: your rights, reviewed 27 March 2024, next review 27 March 2027. The physical help young carers give; in England, the council’s duty to arrange a young carer’s assessment when a young carer or their parents ask, and again when circumstances change; the assessor looking at education and leisure.
10. legislation.gov.uk. Carers (Scotland) Act 2016, section 12 and section 2, revised text current to October 2026; Scottish Government, Carers’ charter, part 3, Young Carer Statement, 23 March 2018. The duty to offer a young carer statement to anyone identified as a young carer, and to prepare one on request; that the local authority is normally responsible, and that the responsible authority can also be the health board for a pre-school child, or the young carer’s grant-aided or independent school; and what a statement covers.
11. legislation.gov.uk. Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014, section 24, revised text current to 21 September 2026; Welsh Government, Written Statement: Young Carers’ Action Day, 16 March 2022. The council’s duty to assess a carer’s needs for support, including a carer who is a child; the national young carers ID card.
12. The Children’s Society. Advice and support for young carers, undated, read October 2026. Its finder for local young carers’ projects, and its pages on young carers’ rights.
13. Carers UK. Having a carer’s assessment, undated, read October 2026. That an adult who gives regular unpaid care is entitled to a carer’s assessment, whatever sort of care they give, from the council, or the trust in Northern Ireland.
14. Joint Council for Qualifications. A guide to the special consideration process, with effect from 1 September 2025, sections 1.2, 1.8, 2.1, 2.3.1, 3.1, 3.3.1 and 3.3.3. That the school decides whether the criteria are met and applies; that candidates or their parents discuss it with the school; that only minor adjustments are made, at most 5 per cent of the raw marks; that the terminal illness of a parent, and the life-threatening illness of a member of the immediate family, are in the guideline table, as circumstances that must apply at the time of the assessment; that long-term illness, or other difficulties during the course that affect revision time, are not eligible; and that it is applied for at the time of the assessment.
15. Hope Support Services. Get support from Hope, undated, its self-referral form, undated, and its home page, 2026. Support for young people aged five to twenty-five when someone they love has a serious illness: one-to-one support online by video or audio call, message or email, and an online community; a referral form on which a young person can refer themselves.
16. Macmillan Cancer Support. What is advanced cancer?, reviewed 1 October 2022, next review 1 October 2025, and marked as being reviewed, so past its review date. That advanced cancer usually cannot be cured, and that treatment can sometimes control it for a long time, sometimes for years.
17. NHS. Multiple sclerosis, reviewed 16 August 2024, next review 16 August 2027. That MS cannot currently be cured, that treatment can often help manage it, and that most people with MS live into old age.
18. NHS. Heart failure, reviewed 26 June 2026, next review 26 June 2029. That there is no cure, and that treatment and lifestyle changes can help keep heart failure stable for many years.
19. Child Bereavement UK. When someone is not expected to live, updated 18 May 2026. The phrase in the section heading; starting to give children information early, in bite-size chunks, and adding to it as the illness progresses.
20. Child Bereavement UK. Children’s understanding of death at different ages, updated 8 October 2026. Children under five not yet understanding that death is permanent, asking the same questions again, needing honest answers, and being confused by “gone away” and “gone to sleep”; children of five to eight believing their thoughts or actions can cause things; children of nine to twelve understanding that death is final and what it means for their future, and keeping feelings to themselves so as not to upset others, with physical complaints, anger or withdrawal; teenagers’ adult understanding of death.
21. Bylund-Grenklo, Tove, Kreicbergs, Ulrika, Uggla, Charlotta, Valdimarsdóttir, Unnur A., Nyberg, Tommy, Steineck, Gunnar & Fürst, Carl Johan. “Teenagers want to be told when a parent’s death is near: a nationwide study of cancer-bereaved youths’ opinions and experiences.” Acta Oncologica, 2015, 54(6), 944–950. A Swedish population survey of 622 young people who had lost a parent to cancer at thirteen to sixteen, asked six to nine years later, at eighteen to twenty-six: 98 per cent said teenagers should be told when death is imminent, in the last hours or days; 59 per cent had been told; 43 per cent had not realised, up to a couple of hours before, that their parent was about to die. It reports opinions and experiences, not outcomes.
22. NHS. Children and bereavement, reviewed 9 January 2023, with a review due on 9 January 2026 that has passed. That a child’s stress is often at its highest before a bereavement, because of fear and the unknown; pre-bereavement counselling; that a parent who knows they are going to die can make a memory box for their child or with them.
23. Bereaved NI, Health and Social Care Northern Ireland. Pre Bereavement, modified 7 April 2025. That bereavement can begin long before someone dies, and is often called anticipatory grief.
24. Marie Curie. Marie Curie Support Line, undated, read October 2026. Free information and emotional support for people living with a terminal illness and their family, friends and carers, and for people who are bereaved.
25. Ruth Strauss Foundation. Support for families, modified 28 May 2026. Free support anywhere in the UK for parents and caregivers with a cancer that can’t be cured whose youngest child is under twenty-five, in one-to-one video appointments, or by phone if video does not suit, with peer groups for parents and co-parents and for teenagers.
26. Marie Curie. Making a Will if you have a terminal illness, published 9 February 2024, next review 1 March 2027. That a parent of children under eighteen can set out in a will their wishes for who will look after them, and that the rules differ in Scotland and Northern Ireland.
27. The GP threshold in the box is the library’s reviewed wording from When Your Child Has Gone Flat, sourced there to the World Health Organization’s Clinical descriptions and diagnostic requirements for ICD-11 mental, behavioural and neurodevelopmental disorders, 2024, for low mood lasting most days for at least two weeks, and to NICE, Depression in children and young people: identification and management (NG134), 2019.
28. Royal College of Psychiatrists. Self-harm in children and young people, published June 2025, review due June 2028. In its section for parents, making sure it isn’t easy for a child to get hold of large amounts of medication or sharp objects: the line in the box on keeping every medicine in the house out of easy reach.

Where to go further

Macmillan Cancer Support, Talking to children and teenagers when an adult has cancer A free booklet, updated in 2024, that goes from the first conversation through treatment and hospital visits to the conversation about dying, with suggested words for each age. It is the fullest guide for parents we know of, much of it applies to other serious illnesses, and it can be read online, ordered in print or listened to as an audiobook.

The Children’s Society, Advice and support for young carers Written for young carers themselves, with pages on their rights, on school and on wellbeing, and a finder for the young carers’ project nearest you. It is worth reading with your child if they have taken on caring at home.

Child Bereavement UK, Supporting children when someone is dying For the family in which a parent is not expected to live. A short page on telling children that someone is going to die, with links to the charity’s guidance on what children understand about death at different ages and on what to do after a death.