Bullying

The harm that lands in a child while she is at school, on a bus, in a group chat after lights out. The pages here are for the parent who has just learned what is happening, and for the longer work of helping a child stand back up inside it without rushing her past what she has felt.

Everything the library holds on this, on one page. The whole of it is at theparentbook.com/help/bullying

If this is happening right now

A child telling you she is being bullied has done the hardest part. What she needs next is to see you be calm and organised, not furious.

Write down what she has told you: what, when, where, who saw it. Do it while it is fresh, and do it with her if she will.
Do not contact the other child’s parents, and do not tell her to hit back. Both usually make the next week worse.
Put it to the school in writing, ask what their anti-bullying policy commits them to, and ask for a date by which you will hear back.

Some tips to try

Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.

She Has Just Told You About the Bullying. The first ten minutes matter more than the next several weeks combined.
- Thank her for telling you. Sit on the edge of the bed.
- Do not act tonight; the school and the next moves are tomorrow.
- Voice low, hands not full. The door stays open.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/what-to-say-in-the-first-ten-minutes
When the Sibling Has Become a Bully. Most sibling conflict is rivalry. Some, at some point, has crossed a line.
- Act, but do not make it permanent in the family story.
- Separate conversation with each child; protected space for the targeted one.
- Family Lives’ helpline is the right line for thinking it through.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/when-the-sibling-has-become-a-bully

If you want to read further

When Your Child Is Being Bullied. A chapter for parents whose child has named something serious. theparentbook.com/reader/when-your-child-is-being-bullied
Your Child’s Online World. A chapter for parents who have seen something on the phone they cannot unsee. theparentbook.com/reader/online-life-beyond-screens

Worth your time

A book for you: The Bully, the Bullied, and the Not-So-Innocent Bystander, Barbara Coloroso. US classic, transferable framework on the role of the bystander and how schools change the culture. uk.bookshop.org/search?keywords=bully+bullied+not+so+innocent+bystander+coloroso

Where else to go

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
The designated safeguarding lead at your child’s school. Every school has one, by law. They are trained for exactly this conversation and they have the routes a parent does not. As soon as you have a concern about a child’s safety. Ask for them by role; you do not have to explain yourself to the office first.

Coram Kidscape. The UK’s specialist anti-bullying charity. The right line for parents who have not been able to resolve a serious bullying picture through the school. When the chapter is about bullying specifically and the parent needs specialist help. The Parent Advice Line is one of the few specialist routes in the UK that holds this territory well. Phone, WhatsApp, and email; advice-line hours are limited so the parent may need to leave a message and be called back. The phone hours are short, but WhatsApp and email are answered outside them. Kidscape Parent Advice Line 0300 102 4481 · Mon-Tue 9.30am-2.30pm; voicemail, email and WhatsApp accepted outside hours www.coramkidscape.org.uk
NSPCC. The UK’s leading child-protection charity. The right signpost any time the chapter touches on a child being harmed. Any chapter where safeguarding may be live, where a parent suspects abuse, or where the chapter touches on online safety. The adult helpline is the right line for parents; Childline is the line for children themselves. NSPCC Helpline (for adults) 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds. The leading UK youth mental health charity. Their A-Z is the first place I send parents asking about a named concern. When a parent needs a clear, accessible primer on a specific emotional or mental health concern in their child or teen. Default first signpost for the 11-to-18 age range. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk www.youngminds.org.uk/parent

The full list for bullying, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/bullying/services

If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If you, or your child, is in mental health crisisNHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child or young person is having thoughts of suicidePapyrus HopeLine 24/7 · 0300 102 2470 · text HOPE to 88247 · 24/7, every day · email pat@papyrus-uk.org · Text and email replies may take up to 24 hours. · www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7.
If your child needs to talk to someone themselvesChildline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at riskNSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999..
If you would prefer to text rather than speakShout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you are struggling yourself and need to talkSamaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.