Running the moment through

The activity

On a calm day, you play the other child and she tries out what she might say. Keep it short and light, and do it once or twice at most.

What it is for. Adults usually hand a worried child the words to say. Running the moment through lets her find her own, without you stepping in for her.

• The first step. Choose a calm time, and avoid the hour after school. The next morning or the weekend is often better.
• If she is being targeted (the same child or group, again and again, on purpose), stop there. The rehearsal is not the response: tell her you are going to talk to the school, and what you will say, before you do it.

Safety. If it is happening in a group chat, rehearse nothing to send, and send nothing tonight. If it keeps happening, it goes to the school.

When to get help. If it sounds like bullying, contact her class teacher or form tutor this week, saying what you have noticed rather than what you have concluded. If she tells you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: My words for that moment.

It goes with

• When the Best Friend Moves On. For parents whose child’s best friend has drifted away, with no falling-out to explain it.
• When Your Child Is Being Bullied. For parents whose child has just told them she is being bullied.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Friendships. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Bullying. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.