When Puberty Starts at Eight

The tip

Breast development at eight can feel years too soon to a parent who started at twelve. Usually it isn’t: the NHS says it’s normal for puberty to start any time between eight and fourteen.

The NHS describes signs of puberty before eight as possibly early, and specialists count signs before nine as early in a boy. Show the GP any signs that begin before then, including hair under the arms or around the genitals, and mention a first period before ten. It’s usually nothing to worry about.

Developing early is linked with a small extra risk of problems such as anxiety and eating difficulties, and an early-developing girl can draw attention from older boys and adults, and drift towards older friends. Two things go with girls faring better: feeling prepared, and feeling accepted at home. In one American study, young women at university who remembered feeling unprepared for puberty had more symptoms of disordered eating.

Prepare her before the changes come: read a good book about puberty together, and put pads, spare pants and wipes in her school bag well before her first period, which usually comes about two years after her breasts begin to develop.

Agree what she can say if anyone comments on her body, such as “Please don’t talk about my body”, and that she can always tell you. Protect her without policing her: know who she spends time with, online and off, especially older friends, and don’t treat her new body as a problem. Never comment on her shape or weight, and if someone else does in front of you, deal with it calmly, and on her side.

If she starts dieting, skipping meals or talking about her body with disgust, see the GP. An eating disorder charity supports parents too, and you don’t need a diagnosis to get in touch. Beat (the UK’s eating disorder charity), 0808 801 0677 (England), 0808 801 0432 (Scotland), 0808 801 0433 (Wales), 0808 801 0434 (Northern Ireland). Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm. Outside those hours the line is closed. If your child is physically unwell, use the urgent routes on this page, which are open when this line is not. Help is free.

If an adult or an older child makes sexual comments to her, or touches or contacts her in a way that worries you, stay calm, thank her if she has told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day. If that person lives in your home or her other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free. She can also talk to someone herself, without you in the room. Childline, 0800 1111. For anyone under 19 in the UK. There is a one-to-one chat online at https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/. Help is free and available at any hour.

• See the GP about signs of puberty before eight, or nine in a boy, and a first period before ten.
• Prepare her before the changes come, with a good book read together and a small kit in her school bag.
• Agree with her what she can say if anyone comments on her body, and that she can always tell you.

It goes with

• Puberty, and the Body That Gets There First. A chapter for parents whose child’s body has started to change, perhaps sooner than either of them expected.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.