The Secrets Your Child Can Always Tell

Where to start

• When a surprise comes up, say: “Surprises get told in the end.”
• Tell your child they can always tell you a secret that worries them, and won’t be in trouble.
• Thank your child when they tell you something, even when it turns out to be small.
• Young children love secrets, and most of theirs are harmless: what is in the box for Granny’s birthday, the den behind the shed. The NSPCC’s Underwear Rule teaches children that there are good and bad secrets. A good secret is a surprise, like a present or a party, and it gets told in the end. A bad secret makes your child feel sad, worried or frightened, and they can always tell you about it.
• If your child tells you that someone has touched them, hurt them or asked them to keep a secret about their body, stay calm, thank them for telling you, tell them it isn’t their fault, and don’t promise to keep it secret: tell them you will need to tell someone whose job is to keep children safe. Don’t question your child further or confront the person, and act that day. If the person lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. Act that day too if what your child tells you suggests that another child is being hurt. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
• If your child is in danger right now, don’t wait. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.

Sources

NSPCC, The Underwear Rule (PANTS), for parents (reviewed September 2026), and its guide for parents; Department for Education, Relationships education, relationships and sex education and health education, statutory guidance in force from 1 September 2026 (Being safe); Lucy Faithfull Foundation, safety card for parents

It goes with

• The Conversations Parents Avoid. For parents who need to tell their child something hard and don’t know how to start.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Safeguarding. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Difficult conversations. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.