The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
Urgent help

← Everything on body image

The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
What helps
Body image

Body image

These pages are about how a child sees themselves in the mirror and where that view came from, including the conversations parents don’t realise they’re having, magazines and social media feeds, changing rooms and PE kits. We’ve written about it carefully, for parents of children at every age.

What the library says about this, in one place. It is also online at theparentbook.com/help/body-image

What to do first

A child learns how to talk about their body mostly from the adults around them, which means your child can learn a different way. What you say about your own body does most of the teaching.

  1. Stop the commentary about bodies, starting with what you say about your own. Children pay more attention to what you say about your body than to anything you tell them about theirs.
  2. Praise what your child’s body does, not how it looks: they climbed the thing, they swam further than last week.
  3. If eating has changed and not changed back, treat it as a medical question and see the GP.

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

What my body can do. Now and then, each of you writes a few things your body did this week: something it managed, something it felt, something it mended. Nobody mentions how anyone looks.

What it is for. What a child hears at home about bodies, including what adults say about their own, affects how the child sees their own body. Noticing what their body did this week, from running for the bus to healing a graze, gives them a way to think about it that has nothing to do with how it looks.

  • The first step. Go first, with plain facts about your own body this week: “My legs got me up four flights of stairs when the lift broke. My body got over a cold.”
  • Ask your child to write or draw a few of theirs. Anything counts: a cartwheel, a hug, laughing until it hurt, tasting something new, sleeping, growing, healing a graze.

When to get help. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child seems to spend a lot of time worrying about their weight or shape, is eating very little, is exercising too much or has strict rules about food, tell them you’re worried and see your GP soon; don’t wait to be sure. If harsh talk about their body goes on for several weeks alongside a low or anxious mood, talk to their school and your GP.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

Worth your time

Who else can help

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

  • Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
  • Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
  • Beat (the UK’s eating disorder charity). The UK’s eating disorder charity. A free helpline, webchat and email, and, for parents specifically, a free twelve-week one-to-one support programme and an online learning hub for families. As soon as eating has become a worry, and alongside the GP, not instead. You do not need a diagnosis to call. BEAT Helplines England 0808 801 0677, Scotland 0808 801 0432, Wales 0808 801 0433, Northern Ireland 0808 801 0434 · Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm · One-to-one webchat and email (help@, Scotlandhelp@, Waleshelp@ or NIhelp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk) at the same hours · Outside those hours the line is closed. If your child is physically unwell, use the urgent routes on this page, which are open when this line is not. www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else
  • Brook. The young people’s sexual health charity. Calm pages for parents on puberty, periods and talking about sex and relationships at home. When the question has arrived in the back of the car. Reading; the clinics are for young people themselves. www.brook.org.uk/parents-and-carers
  • YoungMinds. The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about. When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not. www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline

The full list for body image, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/body-image/services

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.