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ADHD, autism and learning differently
An autism diagnosis may come in the early years or in the middle of secondary school, for a son or a daughter, and some children are recognised quickly while others are missed for years. These pages are for the parent learning the particular way their child’s brain works, and for the conversation with the school that follows.
What to do first and who else can help are free to read and to print. So is the first chapter you open.
What the library holds on autism
From the therapists
An autistic child isn’t a broken version of a neurotypical one. An assessment is there to explain your child to the people around them, and to unlock what they’re entitled to.
1 on autism
The long reads, each on one situation, written by a therapist.
The chapter to start with
For parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them.
11 min read
Read the chapter Your first chapter is free to read in full.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
6 on autism
Short pieces for the moment in front of you, each with things to try.
Neurodiversity
For an autistic child, a change they have heard about in advance is easier to manage, so build a plan B into every plan.
Try this
Neurodiversity
Start soon after the diagnosis, say a little at a time in words that fit your child’s age, and treat it as the first of many conversations.
Try this
Neurodiversity
Plan supermarket trips so you leave before the noise and lights become too much for your child.
Try this
More quick tips on autism
Neurodiversity
When a younger child is assessed, parents often start to see the same patterns in the eldest.
2 min read · Ages 7 to 13
Neurodiversity
A diagnosis at sixteen often brings a teenager more relief than their parents expected.
2 min read · Ages 13 to 18
Family dynamics
You and your child’s teacher are both seeing the real child, so the meeting goes best when you compare notes.
2 min read · Ages 5 to 16
The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
2 on autism
Small, repeatable things to do with your child, with what to watch for and when to get help.
To do together · About 20 min
Before something new, such as the dentist or a new classroom, write a short story with your child about what usually happens there, and read it together in the days before.
What it is for. Many autistic children find not knowing what will happen harder than the thing itself. A short, accurate story about what usually happens tells your child what to expect, in words they can go back to as often as they like.
Safety. If the photos show your child’s school or other children, keep the book at home and don’t post it online. A story doesn’t take the place of an adult keeping an eye on your child. If it is about roads, water or a busy place, stay close to your child on the day.
When to get help. Stories like this help some children with some situations; they are not a treatment. If your child’s distress around change is severe or getting worse, with frequent meltdowns or refusing to go to school, talk to your GP, your health visitor if your child is under five, or the team that assessed them if they have been assessed. If your child is hurting themselves, or tells you they don’t want to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person lives in your home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If you are worried your child might seriously hurt themselves or someone else, use those routes straight away.
The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.
More to do together
To do together
With an autistic teenager, list what uses up their energy and what gives it back, and plan time to recover before they run out.
About 20 min · Ages 11 to 18 · With a sheet to print
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
13 on autism
Made to be printed, kept, and handed on.
To print and keep
What to do first, a few things to try and who else can help, together in one guide. Free to print and keep, or to hand to the other parent, a grandparent or the school.
Who else can help with autism, on a sheet of its own.
Before the SENCo meeting
For a meeting · A4 · Free
Three reports, side by side
For a meeting · A4 landscape · Free
First this, then that
Cards to cut out · A4, four cards to cut, two sides · With a subscription
A page about me
To fill in together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
The door list
For the door · A4 · With a subscription
When a friend comes round
To fill in together · A4 · With a subscription
The first hour home
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
The day, in pictures
For the fridge · A4 · With a subscription
Enough for today
For the fridge · A4, four cards to cut · With a subscription
My energy account
To fill in together · A4, two sides · With a subscription
A story about what will happen
To make together · A4, two pages · With a subscription
What to say: school and friends
Cards to cut out · A4, eight cards to cut · Free
41 on autism
Chosen by the therapists who write the library: books for you and to read with your child, and pages from organisations we trust.
Also on this shelf
And 14 more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Also on this shelf
And twelve more. Every book on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
NHS
Understanding an autistic child’s needs, health and wellbeing, school, socialising, and the practical and financial support families can ask for.
National Autistic Society
The National Autistic Society’s guide to family life with an autistic child: support strategies, friendships, education, the teenage years and involving grandparents.
NHS
The main signs of autism in young and older children, with a useful section on how autism can look different in girls.
National Autistic Society
Explains how an autistic meltdown differs from a tantrum, what to do during one, and how to reduce triggers such as sensory overload and changes in routine.
Place2Be
For parents who suspect autism, ADHD or another difference: what neurodivergence means, what to observe, and how to start conversations with school and GP.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
8 on autism
Podcast episodes, talks and films, each chosen for a reason.
Robyn Steward and Jamie Knight (BBC)
A BBC podcast presented by autistic hosts, talking in half-hour episodes about meltdowns, sensory overload, routines, bullying and diagnosis from the inside. Helpful for parents and for autistic teenagers themselves.
Also on this shelf
1800 Seconds on Autism
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
‘Mind the Kids’: an ACAMH podcast
Nuala McGovern with Kellie Bright and Anna Maxwell Martin (BBC)
Every episode on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
YouTube · 3 min
National Autistic Society, YouTube
The National Autistic Society’s own short explainer on autistic characteristics and how they show up differently in different people’s everyday lives. A sound first stop after a diagnosis.
Also on this shelf
YouTube · 6 min
Amazing Things Project, YouTube
YouTube · 2 min
National Autistic Society, YouTube
Every film on the shelf, with a therapist’s note on what it is good for, is in the library.
Nothing on this shelf is written for that age yet.
Assessment usually begins at school rather than at the surgery. The GP is the referral route, but a school that has already tried and recorded support makes everything after it faster.
Where to start
The member of staff responsible for special educational needs. They hold the assessment routes, the in-school support, and the paperwork an EHCP needs.
Ask for a meeting in writing, and ask what is already being tried under the graduated approach. This conversation usually has to happen before anything statutory can.
The free, impartial SEND information, advice and support service every local authority in England must provide: SEN support, EHC needs assessments, exclusions, and what to do when you and the school disagree.
As soon as special educational needs are in the picture. Search your borough’s name with SENDIASS, or use the national finder.
The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent.
Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly.
The council’s children’s services and SEND team. They hold statutory assessment, the Local Offer, and early help for families who need more than a school can give.
When school-level support has been tried and is not enough, or when you want to know what your area actually provides.
For autism
The UK’s autism charity. A large advice hub, a directory of autism services near you, an online community, and a one-off support call from another parent of an autistic child, arranged through the website.
From the first suspicion through assessment and after. There is no phone helpline to ring; the parent-to-parent call takes up to twelve working days to arrange.
By arrangement, requested through the website · Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline: confidential one-off call staffed by parents of autistic children; arranged via the website.
The charity for families with a disabled child, whether or not there is a diagnosis yet. A free helpline, webchat, benefits advice and local groups.
In the early days after a diagnosis, or while you are still waiting for one, when you need someone warm and practical.
Contact Helpline 0808 808 3555 · Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm (Tue opens 10.15am) · Webchat and an online enquiry form via the website; bookable Listening Ear calls
contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/our-helpline
Free, independent legal advice on special educational needs in England: SEN support, EHC needs assessments and plans, exclusions and tribunal appeals. A call-in helpline and bookable advice appointments.
When the school or the local authority has stopped moving and you need to know what the law says they must do.
The SEND systems in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland work differently.
IPSEA Advice Line and Call-in Helpline 0300 222 5899 · Triage Tue 9.30am-12.30pm; Call-in Helpline Wed 9.30am-2.30pm
Every organisation for autism, and when each is the right call Finding a therapist
