Autism

The diagnosis that may have arrived in the early years or in the middle of secondary school, in a son or a daughter recognised quickly or quietly missed for years. The pages here are for the parent learning the texture of her child’s particular wiring, and for the conversation with the school that follows.

Everything the library holds on this, on one page. The whole of it is at theparentbook.com/help/autism

If this is happening right now

An autistic child is not a broken neurotypical one. The goal of any assessment is not to fix her; it is to explain her to the people around her, and to unlock what she is entitled to.

Reduce the sensory load in the parts of the day that go worst. Noise, light, transitions and unexpected change are usually doing more than anyone realises.
Ask the school for a SENCo meeting, and ask what is recorded.
See the GP for the referral, and expect a long wait. Support does not have to wait for the letter.

Some tips to try

Three short pieces from the library, and the part of each you can act on tonight.

The Supermarket That Is Too Much. Sensory overwhelm in public is real. Leave before she cannot.
- Plan the trip to leave before her threshold, not after.
- Bring noise-cancelling headphones for the queue.
- Use the smaller branch, the quieter aisle, the weekday morning.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-supermarket-that-is-too-much
The Eldest Child You Are Wondering About. She has been working harder than the younger ones for longer.
- Take seriously what you have begun to notice across her school reports.
- Start with: “I have been noticing some things have been harder.”
- Do not begin with the word “diagnosis”. That can come later.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/the-eldest-child-you-are-wondering-about
When the Diagnosis Comes at Sixteen. The relief, for the teenager, is often larger than the parent expected.
- Take her response at face value. Some teenagers want to discuss, some hold privately.
- Do not share the diagnosis with extended family on her behalf.
- Say “I will follow your lead” in the first month.
theparentbook.com/parents/library/quick-tips/when-the-diagnosis-comes-at-sixteen

If you want to read further

Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the School. A chapter for parents whose child has been working harder than other children, for longer, to do the things that come more easily to others. theparentbook.com/reader/neurodiversity-and-the-conversation-with-the-school

Worth your time

A book for you: NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and How to Think Smarter About People Who Think Differently, Steve Silberman. Cultural history of autism and the neurodiversity movement. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/neurotribes-the-untold-history-of-austim-and-the-potential-of-neurodiversity-steve-silberman/aa94d2a584471e25
Something to watch: National Autistic Society YouTube Channel, National Autistic Society, YouTube. The UK’s National Autistic Society video work, including their parent-facing material on sensory differences, school transitions and post-diagnosis support; the channel sits alongside their helpline and parent-to-parent service named in the neurodiversity chapter. www.youtube.com/@NASYoutube

Where else to go

Assessment usually begins at school rather than at the surgery. The GP is the referral route, but a school that has already tried and recorded support makes everything after it faster.

The SENCo at your child’s school. The member of staff responsible for special educational needs. They hold the assessment routes, the in-school support, and the paperwork an EHCP needs. Ask for a meeting in writing, and ask what is already being tried under the graduated approach. This conversation usually has to happen before anything statutory can.
Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp

National Autistic Society. The UK’s leading autism charity. The first signpost for any family at the autism threshold. Any chapter touching on autism specifically. Their pages on what to expect from a child’s assessment, on talking with autistic children about their diagnosis, and on the home environment are the strongest sub-resources. The Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline, staffed by parents of autistic children, is the right line to send the parent who has started to wonder. By arrangement, requested through the website · Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline: confidential one-off call staffed by parents of autistic children; arranged via the website. www.autism.org.uk
Neuroinclusive Education Network, formerly the Autism Education Trust. A partnership between the National Autistic Society and Ambitious about Autism, funded by the Department for Education. The right pointer for school-facing material on autism. Where the chapter touches on the school’s role in supporting an autistic pupil, or where the parent is preparing for a SENCo meeting and wants to understand what the school should be doing. Their SENCo Bundle and Pupil-Centred Education Plan Tool are the cleanest UK resources in this territory. www.nen.org.uk
ADHD Foundation Neurodiversity Charity. The UK’s leading neurodiversity charity, based in Liverpool. The cleanest UK source for the lifespan, strengths-based framing of neurodiversity that we want chapters in this territory to sit within. Any chapter touching on neurodiversity, ADHD, autism, or the wider neurodevelopmental cluster. Their parent-facing resources on early signs in school-age children, on sensory differences, and on talking with siblings are the strongest sub-resources to name. The largest UK provider of training to professionals; their authority in the territory is real. www.adhdfoundation.org.uk

The full list for autism, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/autism/services

If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If you, or your child, is in mental health crisisNHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child or young person is having thoughts of suicidePapyrus HopeLine 24/7 · 0300 102 2470 · text HOPE to 88247 · 24/7, every day · email pat@papyrus-uk.org · Text and email replies may take up to 24 hours. · www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7.
If your child needs to talk to someone themselvesChildline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at riskNSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999..
If you would prefer to text rather than speakShout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you are struggling yourself and need to talkSamaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.