When Your Child Hits a Brother or Sister

Stop it, go to the child who was hurt, and leave the talking until your child has calmed down.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 5 to 9.

Where to start

Separate them and go to the child who was hurt first: “I won’t let you hurt him.”
Once your child is calm, ask what happened just before they hit him.
Give each child a little time every day doing something they’ve chosen.
If the hitting is frequent, getting worse, or affecting how the family gets on over a longer period, talk to your child’s school or your GP.

The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.

Sources

Place2Be, Understanding sibling rivalry (Parenting Smart); YoungMinds, Anger (parents’ A to Z guide)

It goes with

Siblings and the Fights That Aren’t Fair. For parents whose children keep finding new ways to fall out with each other.
Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help them through it.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Sibling conflict. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Behaviour. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

The rest of the library

The Parent Book is a library written by therapists: chapters on the situations parents bring to our therapy rooms most often, quick tips for tonight, things to do together, and every sheet to print. One subscription opens all of it, from the day you join.

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.