When You Find He Has Been Watching Porn

If he has been watching pornography, start with a calm conversation, unless it involves a child, an adult contacting him, or pressure.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 11 to 16.

Where to start

First decide whether it’s adult pornography or a safeguarding matter.
If you’ve come across a naked or sexual image of anyone who may be under 18, never view, copy, print, share, store or save it, or ask a child to send it to you. A screenshot is a copy. Leave the device alone, and ask his school’s designated safeguarding lead before deleting anything. An adult messaging him about sex, or anyone pressuring him for pictures or threatening to share them, goes to specialist police officers. CEOP (the police’s online child protection command). Report at https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/. An image of a child online can also be reported for removal. Internet Watch Foundation. Report at https://www.iwf.org.uk/en/uk-report/. If it is of him, he can report it himself. Report Remove (from Childline and the IWF). Online at https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/report-remove/.
If you think he has pressured or forced another child into anything sexual, tell his school’s designated safeguarding lead; if that child lives in your home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
If he talks about harming himself or not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

Your Child’s Online World. For parents who have seen something on their child’s phone that they can’t unsee.
The Conversations Parents Avoid. For parents who need to tell their child something hard and don’t know how to start.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Sexuality. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Online safety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

The rest of the library

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.