When She Hides Behind Your Legs

Where to start

• Stay close at first, and let her move away when she’s ready.
• Talk to your health visitor or GP if she doesn’t warm up even when given time, if her fear is severe and gets in the way of everyday life, or if she talks freely at home but has not spoken at nursery or school for a month or more, or for two months if she has only just started there.
• If she is frightened of one person in particular, don’t coax her towards them. If you think someone may be hurting her, or she tells you so, stay calm, thank her if she has told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day. If the person lives in your home or her other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

• When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around her try.
• Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help her through it.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Child development. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.